OVER THE SILVER SKY TO THE WORLD OF NEVER : Part 27 - The Dangers Of Too Much Nothing In One Place.

YOU COULDN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP : Being a police officer is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You cannot argue with that fact. That said it would be nice if the fuckers actually did their jobs once in a while. Devon and Cornwall police has received a record number of complaints. On average it takes them 200 days to investigate a reported crime. That's six and a half months and you must also bear in mind that they investigate fewer than 50% of reported crimes. (Many police forces have advised that unless a robbery is above a certain value they will not investigate it.) Their clear up rate is less than 10%. So let's be generous and state that the UK police solve almost 5% of actual crimes committed. Although this excludes crimes that are reported to the police but not recorded as a crime by them. Hold on it gets worse. The Regional Director of the Devon and Cornwall police stated that the record number of complaints is unimportant. Far more important to her is that the police can now learn how to handle complaints better. They've got more to practice on I think she means. They have to keep those complaints coming in to improve their handling of complaints. Fuck me that's pretty radical. I always thought policing was about preventing and solving crimes. How could I have been so stupid? Then we can crown all this off with the South Yorkshire police. They have now asked people to not only report hate crimes, but also hate that isn't a crime. Yes that's right. You see hate that isn't a crime can lead to hate that is a crime. Whereas no criminal who has committed a real crime, and never been caught, ever goes on to commit another crime. They just stop. One is more than enough for them. Now the wonderful police are always complaining that they don't have the money and resources to do their job. So expanding their patrolling onto the internet is a brilliant idea. They can spend all their time in the office solving non crimes. Rather than wasting their time catching criminals and preventing crime. Now when you call the police to report an ongoing rape you will have to remember if the rapist said anything nasty otherwise they can't help you. Somebody just called someone a cunt on Twitter and that takes priority.

(The copyright for this image is the property of the BBC.)

Angelique had been gone twelve days now. According to Hermes this was only to be expected given how complicated the fracturing of time had made things. Jake wasn't as relaxed. Boredom was creeping into his life. On the face of it this was contradictory. The only things he'd really done, in the months before this, were to attend appointments twice a week. He'd discovered that the waiting wasn't the hard part. It was doing nothing while he waited that wore him down. The best he could make out of this delay was that it had given him the chance to get to know Hermes better. Which was even more soul destroying if anything. The car had received its first parking ticket today. It would need moving soon in order that it didn't end up being towed. The worst thing of all, bar none, was he'd never felt better. There was no doubt, he was fitter, stronger and more switched on than he'd ever been before.

His body pulsed with untapped energy. A sensation completely alien to the life he'd led so far. Initially he'd put this down to not taking any of his medications. However his body had gained a lot of muscle while he'd done literally nothing to earn it. This was all down to Hermes. Who deserved to be credited with the transformation of a slob into an athlete. Over Jake's dead body and long after hell froze over. That was not going to happen. Instead Jake had taken up going for walks, allowing Hermes to hack anything his millions of little nanite hearts desired. Perhaps even that was going a bit too far. Jake didn't want him getting idea's above his station after all.

He had gone over his whole apartment to find anything he couldn't leave behind. There was nothing. The sum total of his life so far amounted to the body he was in. The health and fitness of which had nothing to do with him. Jake was without a legacy. The only artifact vital to him was Angelique and her Geochronometric Array. Which was going to be a bugger to get into his car. Again, asking Hermes about this was not on the agenda. This was a new Jake. A dynamic, potentially heroic adventurer. Exploring new frontiers across all of time and space in a million different dimensions. He wasn't the type of guy to ask for removals advice. No he was the type of guy who tucked a massive weight under one arm and walked off into the sunset. Unless swimming or running were required. The new him would do those as well. With style and elan. The actual mechanics of which he knew nothing. Jake was confident it would all come completely naturally to him. At the first sign of any problem, the new him would leap into action. To prove the new him wasn't entirely a figment of his over active imagination he'd act now.

"Hermes, do you fancy another walk?"
"So I'm a dog now am I. Scratching at the door for a piss."
"No, of course not. I like dogs. They are good, faithful friends. They don't fuck about with the internet either. I'm going out anyway."
"Suit yourself. You always do anyway."
"Why have you got the hump now?"
"We never go anywhere I want to go."
"You've never asked."
"Neither have you."
"Oh fuck. I know I'm going to regret this. What would you like to do?"
"Well I've been checking out the listings and there's a performance of The Lion King I'd quite like to watch. It's on at the Bristol Hippodrome tonight."
"Crap. Would it inconvenience you if I slept through it?"
"What do you mean? Nobody sleeps through The Lion King. It's a tour de force. First act's a bit slow but once it gets into its stride it's wonderful."
"You've run out of shit to steal haven't you."
"I have. That's nothing to do with this though."
"I'll consider it."
"I can even book the tickets if you like. There's still a few seats left for this evening's performance. Of course if you don't like musicals."
"I've got nothing against musicals. I'm more into Annie and The Rocky Horror Show."
"No performances of either I'm afraid."
"Looks like I'm never going to do the time warp again."
"Oh ha, ha. That's hilarious." Hermes replied sarcastically.
"That was a gem on many levels. I'm obviously never going to see the show again. I'm actually going to do a time warp in a way. It's a brilliant concept immaculately executed."
"Right that's two. How many more levels can you come up with?"
"Several. Only let's see if you can come up with some. While I try to decide if I can be bothered going. Let's take you for that walk shall we. See if we can find another lamp post you like. You can't argue with that one. Your the dog and they piss on lamp posts. Only you use them to thieve copyrighted materials. I am on fire here."
"My sides are splitting. Please stop. I can't take any more. The only thing that would make you funnier is if you genuinely were on fire."
"Don't know why I bother. Pearls before swine."

All of the kids were at school. Meaning the swings were free for once. He got a few disapproving glances when he got on one, but he needed to do this. Rusty playground skills would be oiled. Besides which the chains supporting the swing were metal as was the frame. Hermes was happy as a pig in shit, now he could access anything within a thirty kilometer radius. With a bit of technological magic he could get as far as the airport. Jake hadn't been on a swing for decades. Having decided, at the age of around 13, that it was no longer cool. What a fool he'd been. All those adults glaring at him had no idea what they were missing. Higher and higher he swung. This was a chance to break a record. As a child he'd harbored the impossible dream of doing a complete 360. As an adult he'd be pleased with getting above the horizontal. That was at least possible. Not only that, but at the top of his swing he'd do a dismount. Nothing fancy. No need for flips and somersaults. All he had to do was ace the landing.

"Jake? Jake! She's coming."
There was no need for Hermes to state who she was. The initial excitement giving way to him being a grown man on a child's swing. Jake threw himself off at the top of the next pass. Landed awkwardly and pitched forward, pushing over and then landing, on top of something soft, feminine and fragrant. It was pure good fortune that he'd put his hands out thus preventing himself squashing her. Jake gazed down at Angelique.
"Hi. It's great to have you back."
"On her back you mean." Hermes quipped.
Angelique smiled up at him. Big blue eyes and ruby lips. No he couldn't. No matter how powerful the temptation was.
"We must hurry. There is much I must share and then much we must do."
The genetic based thrill that swept through his body due to her sexy accent exponentially increased the temptation. Jake pushed himself up to his feet. Stooping to help Angelique up, only to find she was already standing beside him. He had to find something else to think about now.
"That's a shame. Hermes and I were planning on going to the theater tonight."
"Eat shit and die." His inner voice retorted.
Angelique took hold of his arm as they strolled across the park.
"I am sorry I took so long. My news is grave I am afraid."
Rather than quiz her as to whether she was afraid of the news or afraid only he decided on a different question.
"What did you find?"
That was okayish.
"Nothing." She sighed forlornly.
"Oh shit. That's bad." Hermes interjected.
Jake ignored him.
"So nothing good, nothing bad? Doesn't that make things easier?"
"Au contraire. I literally found nothing. That is why I have been gone so long."
"I've got a feeling I'm not getting the gist of this. What's the problem with nothing?"
"It's never been encountered before Jake. In the entire history of this world's science no one has ever found nothing. Even the cold vacuum of space has something there. Exotic particles that blink in and out of existence constantly. Take away all the atoms and molecules and there is always something detectable left. The scientists of this world have never encountered nothing therefore they do not understand how dangerous nothing is. Somehow a hundred and forty six years from now the people of this place discover it. Even though their science is nowhere near advanced enough."
He was still struggling with this concept. Perhaps another differently worded question was needed.
"So they found nothing, as in absolutely nothing. I still don't see what the problem is."
"It's like talking to a fucking five year old. Listen up you twat." Hermes heckled.
"Universes don't like nothing." Angelique continued. "Even though in order to have something there must also be a nothing. They could not exist without one another. If you have too much nothing in one place it cannot be controlled. It was theorized that universes were made out of nothing. This proves it. Enough nothing and you create a big bang."
"So they've started up a new universe. Is that what you mean?"
"That is so. That new universe should be expanding into the nothing that surrounds all universes. In this case though the universe they will create is expanding into something. They will create a universe inside a universe. That should not happen. When a universe first comes into being light speed is much faster so that it does not collapse or end up smothering itself in the inferno. You have something in this universe that is travelling at several times its current speed of light. It is travelling backwards through time. Time travel is impossible within a universe. An unshielded paradox has been created. This entire universe is fragmenting. All the way back to its beginning. This is what made my task so arduous."
"So you've worked out when and where the next transition point will be. Or do I mean translation. I'm still not up on this stuff."
"No kidding." His internal nemesis responded sarcastically.
"I have made the necessary adjustments to my calculations. Their accuracy is somewhat limited. I will not know the exact time and place until I am within a kilometer or so. It will be a little over two days from now and in a town called Dover."
The ill matched couple were getting a few stares. Jake paused to enjoy them. Yes pal, she's with me. That's right. The most beautiful woman around here and she's holding onto my arm. Eat your heart out.
"We best get back then. Is there anything else?"
"Indeed there is. There have been many ejections in the last few days. People have been wiped away as though they never existed. As far as this universe is concerned they never did. This has worked in our favor. There were two Time Agents in pursuit of the woman you know as Doxy. They have ceased to be. When we leave there will be thousands more. This cannot be avoided. They would have been ejected anyway eventually. Unfortunately there is someone in this reality who is not of this reality. She will be cast out the moment we enter the portal. If she is lucky she will die instantly. It is far more likely she will enter a place outside space and time. Living there eternally unable to die. Eventually she will go insane."
Angelique was looking at him expectantly.
"We'd better get a move on then. This is a very stupid question but should I pack anything, other than the Geochronometric Array."
Now she looked extremely disappointed. It was that stupid a question obviously."
"There is no point. The more of here you take with you the more chance there is of things happening."
Angelique sounded sad. She'd probably cheer up once they hit the road. It had to have been taxing exploring the edges of nothing. Perhaps she was merely tired.
"I've got a few things to do then." Hermes added, without a trace of bad attitude. "Bloody quickly to. We aren't going to be able to stop on the way."

A few minutes later they were back at his apartment. This was the longest he'd spent with Angelique. The chief benefit he'd found so far was all the incredulous looks from passersby. Open mouthed and staring hard. He'd hazard a guess that they'd never seen anyone as attractive as his companion. Especially not with an average guy like him. Angelique followed him into his living room.

"It is a shame for that innocent young woman to suffer at our hands. Is it not?"
Angelique asked softly.
"Oh yes it's tragic. You can't make an omelette without cracking eggs."
"Do you not think we should at least let her know her potential fate. Nadia is from Blue Tau Gamma 7975C."
"Sure we can make a little detour. If she sees you with me she won't freak out."
"Oh I forget. You don't know this. Only those I have bonded with can see me."
"In that case we'll give Nadia a miss. If I turn up alone there'll be misunderstandings galore. She'll think I've gone all rapey and that could overly complicate our escape.... Son of a bitch. Those people weren't looking at me because of you. They were looking at me because I was talking to myself."
Hermes was laughing his cock off. If he didn't know better he'd have said Angelique looked bereft. Jake knew it was his duty to cheer her up despite his disappointment
"You know what." The internal demon chuckled. "Missing The Lion King doesn't feel quite so bad now."