A dating profile for HO LEE FUKK
by The Invisible Man

Sincere woman hopes to forge open and honest relationship with man who respects marriage
I have given pleasure to the world because I have such beautiful warts! (Or so the Cat might say.)

Good day lads!

I'm a noble sort of lady, who likes nothing more than reading with the right man.

None of my current partners understand me. I need to meet somebody special - somebody I really connect with.
The first thing people usually notice about me is my gracious personality, closly followed by my smashing warts. I am not one of those fake people who pretends not to notice their own qualities. My warts and fingernails are top notch. These gems of honesty are just part of the noble person I am.

I work as a computer programmer, helping victims. This allows me to exercise my skills: cooking and watering plants. I would like to tell you about the time I met Rihanna, which is true, but it's important to me that you know I'm honest, so I'll save the wilder parts of my life for another time.

My life goals include:
Watch the filming of the next season of Red Dwarf
Become the best computer programmer I can be
Help all the victims in the world
If you're the right man for me, you'll be intuitive and brave. You won't be afraid to spend time with my friends and will have a healthy respect for marriage.

My ideal date would involve choir in Cornwall with a pretty man by my side. While we're there, I compliment your moist moles.

Honesty and openness are the most important qualities in a relationship. I will be honest with you, if you will be honest with me. In the spirit of openness and honesty, I think it's only fair to tell you that I'm looking for an open relationship. I will never lie to you about my other lovers. In fact, I'll start now to show you how sincere I am. Last week, I had a very sensuous encounter with a most brave man from Inverness. These are the kind of truths I will tell you if we enter into a relationship.

'Now kindly cluck off before I extract your giblets and shove a large, seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.'

I urge you, get in touch

HO LEE FUKK

Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
@theinvisibleman