Bleary-eyed and mushy fails

in #thoughts5 years ago

My wife and I are taking shifts by our daughter's bedside. I have a feeling my shift length is longer than hers but it could just be 5am talking. Our daughter has been unable to sleep through the night for over a week and it is taking outs toll on everyone. Meh, life with a sick kid is not fun but it does put a lot of things in perspective.

I was talking with a friend today who asked about my new job and how I am doing there and I told him the truth, it is a massive amount of work and I don't know if I can do it. I am not so stressed about this though as the worst that can happen is I fail at it.

People fear failure but out is generally a framing problem. For example, when a program fails it is because code doesn't do what it was intended for, it doesn't compute to the correct result, there is an error. While not computers, failure to me just means I didn't have the right skills at the right time and while this affects me, I don't have to identify with the failure itself. Too many associate their failure and say, "I am a failure."

This takes away agency to do anything and instead makes failure a personality trait that is unchangeable. Rather than reformulate and recode, it becomes, "I can't."

That is failure in my books.

Yes, I can fail at doing what is necessary for the job and they could fire me but, that is not a cataclysmic event for my life, it is survivable. Although I have never really been fired before, I have survived worse than losing a job, so there is little reason to worry and as long as I do my best, the feedback will be valuable.

This is another thing people tend to ignore when they fail, the lessons learned are nearly always more valuable than the cost of failure. There are many things to learn but if we focus on the inability and the associated emotions instead of what is learnable, we miss many of the lessons.

One of the reasons so many of is fear failure is that it knocks our ego down a peg by giving us a view of ourselves in ask unflattering light. We then worry about how others are going to see us too and what opinions and judgements they will place upon us. Most likely they will do what we do, associate or failure with us and say "He is a failure".

Failing a something doesn't mean being a failure as a person or at life and due to the complexity and spectrum of experience, one can fail many times and still live a successful life. It is life lived via an entrepreneur mindset, one that is willing to try things and push boundaries to discover what really has value. Many in this world take the consumer approach, the one that follows the tends of the group and chooses the life they choose. If it is a poor path, all fail together and one can say, it is just the way it was at that time in the history of the world, we all did the same. A life lived via fashion.

There are many paths to life and while people can have their views and beliefs about what a good life may be, most are making their decisions based on their programmed experience, not coding they have written a hand in writing themselves. An outsourced life. It is still a life of course, but is it their own?

Well, it looks like my shift is over as I have been able to hum my daughter successfully to sleep. I am pretty good at getting her to sleep, better than my wife. And while she could learn a thing or two from me, my wife is better in most other ways at being a parent than myself. I am learning as I go but unfortunately for my daughter, she can't fire me from the job and employ someone better. I am always going to be her father so I better do my best.

I hope I get to sleep a little longer than normal. Goodnight... morning.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
(posted from phone)

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The only way to fail is to give up and quit.

It’s like retreating. A retreat is nothing more then changing the direction you are going. Sometime we just need to change direction and regroup

People fear retreating because of how they will be perceived. Wars have been lost because of an unwillingness to retreat in battle.

Sounds like pride got in the way. LOL

Hope smallsteps is feeling better and you get some sleep

Pride is a sin for a reason.

I was watching a video that @nathanmars shared on angel investors and their ventures and it is similar. Some say that they expected many ventures to fail but the one or two that suceed are worth much more.

Posted using Partiko iOS

scatter acorns far and wide and a few might become great oaks :D

I can't imagine what that must be like, as a parent....so good luck with that!

I think if you're scared of failing, it can mean that you're actually scared of succeeding. (pesky psyche )

It was something I had to ask myself, confront , many years ago...

I've been fired from a job or two while traveling but were never for not doing a good job- they were for confronting the employer on how to improve their business.
Not opinions, but sound business practices in the fields involved. (' no mate, you give salted peanuts as freebies on the bar, not fruit salad', type of thing..).
Sooooooo snowflaky.
Bruised ego's of the stupid (with more power), will always trump common sense, and it will generally lead to detrimental results in the long run.

...I guess self employment was always gonna be my road...
I hate others having sway over me. ( a natural anti - authoritarian! lol).

I guess you do have job security as parent.
Bit of a bugger though, if you do crap job - there's no one there to tell you, and it's too late if you ever come to that realization...
It must be a fantastic payoff if you do a good job though!!!
(an organic pension scheme!...lol)

Go get some sleep matey..

I think if you're scared of failing, it can mean that you're actually scared of succeeding.

I have written about this a year or more ago. I think it is also why many choose the middle path.

I guess you do have job security as parent.
Bit of a bugger though, if you do crap job - there's no one there to tell you, and it's too late if you ever come to that realization...

Ever met a person who had no complaints about their parents? It is a no win battle I'd say.

It must be a fantastic payoff if you do a good job though!!!
(an organic pension scheme!...lol)

These days with the way society works, old age will be spent alone with a care robot.

Ever met a person who had no complaints about their parents? It is a no win battle I'd say.

Shit, good point.... (see what i have to say about my family in the post I just wrote! lol)

These days with the way society works, old age will be spent alone with a care robot.

God that's depressing....
Thanks for confirming to me that I chose the right path of living hard and dying early!
Cheers! lol.

I will probably go the Soylent Green path and have my body turned into food.

If we can learn and grow from our failures it is a valuable and priceless moment. We cannot allow it to make us feel bitter or resentful. It is part of the journey. And a lesson well learned is a blessing in disguise. Thanks @tarazkp

We cannot allow it to make us feel bitter or resentful.

This is the problem from the other post about not putting full effort in. Bitterness and resentment follow the 'what if I had' crowd.

I enjoyed this poignant dreary eyed post. I really understand what you are saying. I have not been fired, but have resigned. I think about those situations frequently. Initially in anger, but lately I research how I could have handled the difficulty better and as you said learned the lessons not the failure. I think also that this post puts into perspective that there are things that cataclysmic like death or serious illness and then there are jobs. 🤔
Learn the lessons, move on, onward, upward and forward.
Steem on!

I think also that this post puts into perspective that there are things that cataclysmic like death or serious illness and then there are jobs.

Jobs are are just to get some money, work is a different animal altogether. Sometimes the jobs we do for money aren't what we should be doing for work. Family does come first though and money is unfortunately a factor.

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