Head on the pillow

I am so far behind today as I had to catch up on work missed from last week and the my wife had a meeting in the evening so I couldn't start "Steem work" until around 9pm. It is late now and I should go to bed as I am heading to Helsinki tomorrow for the night, bit I have trouble sleeping if I feel I haven't completed the day. The title of this post comes from something I have lived by the last 6 years.

Lay your head on the pillow at night knowing you gave the day your all.

I sleep better following this. Although not enough.

Since I was a kid I have stayed awake late because I always felt as if I was going to miss out on something interesting, even if there was nothing interesting going on. I seem to have a skill at entertaining myself through observation of the mundane and have come to believe that extraordinary lives in the ordinary.

Many people are looking for highlights but miss the specialness of normal life, events and people. We are somewhat conditioned to respond to highlights and as a result, I think we lose the value of the world around us that we see each day, especially the people in our lives that we interact with. We take life for granted.

This evening while my wife was at the meeting I spent a few hours with my daughter doing normal stuff - playing Lego, building wooden blocks, drawing with pencils and giving her a bath. Ordinary stuff but the kind of evening that would be heavily missed if no longer available.

A colleague and friend today was saying my daughter is an "old soul" and I agree. It worries me a bit because she is much like me and that means that she could feel quite out of place in the world of she doesn't find interests to dig into and invest in. When I was a kid I didn't find enough and while curious, lacked the resources to invest and instead floated.

There is a difference between going with the flow and drifting and I was more drifter without a home. Perhaps this is why I felt I would miss out on things if I slept because I was looking for something that drew my attention enough that I would build a life from it.

I am hoping my daughter will find her starting point interests early enough so she can feel she is moving toward something rather than away from wherever she is. Direction with intention and a sense of control of life experience, at least how she thinks about it.

When I am with people I often feel like a kid, someone who is yet to grow up enough to know what I actually want in life. Still a drifter searching. I don't know if it is true it not because to do move with intention bit, still haven't found the end point of my interests where I feel, this is me, mine and what I am meant to do.

Perhaps that is just the way of life or maybe the way of life for me and always will be. Maybe drifter is my strength position and is why I am able to have a general ability in many areas.

Maybe my normal is what makes me special and I am taking it for granted. Maybe it is weakness I should cut away also. Hard to say but I am curious enough to know that the journey continues on for at least as far as I can see.

I think thus is my all for today.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
_{(from the pillow)}