Moody Panda

I have been so Steem lazy lately and it makes me want to post more but, I don't intend to shitpost to satisfy my Steem addiction and I feel that I have been letting the ball slip when it comes to answering comments. I am getting to nearly all of them but it is taking me too long to get to them by my own standards. While I don't care much what other people do with their lives, my own standards tend to be fairly high when I evaluate my performance.

For example, the other day when I was in Vienna I felt that my own performance was lacking and I was unable to accomplish my training goals yet, the feedback was of a high enough standard that if that was my average for the year, I would have got a bonus for it and my colleague who was there for half the day was impressed and surprised it was only my second training for the company. He is already making plans to book me for more of his clients.

But, that is not the point is it? There is only one person's evaluation that really matters in this life and that is the one of my own. I feel that I have set myself up for a fair bit of failure when it comes to the level that I hold myself in some things and what I wonder is, how much of it is going to rub off onto my daughter as she grows or, how much of it is in her genetics itself?

I heard somewhere (maybe on a podcast) when it comes to the people who have performed the best in this world they have generally had something in common and that is, a variance in parenting style where the child is always trying to please one dissatisfied parent while the other parent supports the child unconditionally. It is a strange way to parent for many but perhaps that is the way it goes when there is generally a personality clash between one of the parents as children tend to be more similar to one than the other.

I was saying in a comment before that while I look at my father and make judgments it is not really me judging him but rather, me judging the things of myself I see in him. We are very similar and many of the areas he may have fallen short are the same as my own. In this case at least I'd predict that this is more nature than nurture as when it comes to my upbringing, a lot of it was done without my parents presence or watchful eyes. Life had changed for them as I was growing up and that meant they were much less parental than they were with my older siblings.

I don't hold it against them and I predict that it is better for parents to do what they please in their lives and ignore children than raise them via obligation alone. It is much like the couples that stay together because of the children, as children are sensitive and those behaviors shine through and likely get replicated in later life. I think it would be better for the children if parents divorced and found partners they truly want to be with and demonstrate what a healthy relationship could be instead of pretending all is okay.

I don't expect my daughter to reach some goals but I do hope that she is able to find her responsibility early so she can get started down her path instead of following in the footsteps of others, especially me. I already see that she is more like me than my wife and I can already feel the clash of personalities to come but, I am hoping that by the stage it could be its worse, I have learned to temper and control myself well enough that I am able to argue my point without restricting her growth or making her feel like she has to live up to my own standards by making my standards her own.

No one chooses to be brought into this world but we all have to live with the outcome of life as individuals. When I look in the mirror I see my father and when I look at my daughter, I see myself. I hope she can do more with her genetics than I have managed with my own.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]