The Road Back

I’ll be flying back to Sweden tomorrow.
It’s always hard to leave my mother and sister, but this time it feels like I’m leaving my uncle too. I’ve no memories of him in Sweden, only those in my head.
Here in NYC I’ve got 35 years of memories attached to things. Like parks, restaurants, blocks, stores, neighborhoods. He’s everywhere and absent at the same time. He lived 2 blocks away from me my entire life, so our neighborhood feels different, the air is different. I can hop on a plane and leave those daily reminders behind. It feels like I’m leaving him behind, but I know I’m not.
My memories are in my head and he’s in my heart. I also feel like I’m leaving my sister to grieve alone, and deal with it all alone.

I know I’m not, and she’s 39 years old, so it’s not like she’s a child. It’s just all so odd. Feelings aren’t facts though. In addition to feeling all of that, while I miss my husband terribly and miss being with my husband and daughter, making & sharing memories, I’m also so very sad to be leaving NYC and my sister in general.

Both feelings are so strong. It reminds me of how much i hate to feel! Haha, but seriously...I know I’m a grownup and have to deal with life on life’s terms, not my own. It doesn’t work like that I’ve learned. Feelings are part of being human. Loss is part of life, as is sadness, grief, moving on, etc., etc. I’ll put one foot in front of the other, move forward, and keep my head up.