Perfect Company or Perfect Solitude
Recently, I've been keeping in touch with some friends I've known for a long time, most are from my uni days. To cope with all the stress and pain in this life and to somehow make them aware of my existence. I know they'd appreciate it as I've been disappearing for a while now. And of course, to make them aware that I do care about them too. My very few friends are older than me so they can be quite hard to get a hold of due to their own responsibilities, jobs, and jealous girlfriends/wives. I know they are just an hour flight away and I promise to visit them once I've carried out my project here on the island and started earning something extra for the luxury of flying. I have to make some sacrifices and delay gratification for the long-term reward, even to the point of suffering internally. I am now starting to feel how hard it is for I'm not used to it. I haven't lived a pampered life so I always believe that everything can disappear at any moment. I used to believe that I have to eat that marshmallow now for it might be eaten by someone else.
I failed to keep in touch with my friends as I've been busy with myself and trying to achieve my life goals. But you know when you solely based your happiness in achievement, it's like suffocating in a glass jar. A slow death. You are dying to get out to get that much-needed oxygen in order to live - love, companionship and meaningful human relationships. You still need that kind of oxygen no matter how much you are convinced that you love yourself or that you are perfectly fine with your own company. However, if you only based your happiness on people, then be ready for more pain and disappointment. Sometimes, I don't understand all these spiritual leaders and how they preach about self-mastery and internal happiness. And how you should be detached from the world and let everything be just a passing show. Haven't they realized that we are only humans? Perhaps their words are just some way to cope with this cruel world. It can be hard to live without spirituality.
If you are desperate for human connection, you tend to just accept the love you think you deserve. You grab someone available who shows you slight affection. It's like the masses here who are dying to see the change in the country that they accept whatever change there is that they end up justifying the leader's stupid actions. You end up becoming blind to the reality. This is the time you start forgetting yourself. You waste your time with people who don't even care about you or who are not excited to see you. You play with their ego trip and all their mind games. At the end of the day, a person can still make you feel alone.
It's important for me to keep my power for self-preservation. The only thing that finally made me sleep better these days was when a friend told me that there should be no loss that is not acceptable, no risk that is not calculated. I realized how I'm falling into the same trap again and again. That I have become so isolated that I just accept whatever comes my way these days. I tell myself again that I will have either perfect company or perfect solitude. I'm not going to put up with the grey area or anything less anymore. It's just either fuck yes, or fuck no.
I don't know if it's the shitty weather or it's just me feeling shitty these days. It sucks to comprehend how people have the power to deprive you of humanity. People are so unfeeling and I can attribute that to the seriously flawed system that is leading to our own downfall. Our lives have been all about the money, competition and making ourselves feel more important.
They say that wise people tend to be lonelier for they see through people better. It's not that I'm wiser, I'm just less dumb I guess. The weight of my own life experiences is taking its toll.
Perfect company or perfect solitude. Easier said than done. Hell, even those who have loved ones by their side still die. Life's a bitch and there seems to be no way out of this fucking mind. You are only good for people if you're a happy horse shit. And if you start showing your flaws and dark side, you'd be thrown to the riverside. Rotting alone for all eternity. Forgotten.
I've tried connecting with new people even those who do not share my mind and interests, and I ended up just pretending. The people I can probably connect with are somewhere out there. When I was traveling, I was quite fearless for I was taking everything as my last train ride. I enjoyed whatever came and at least I was not going to die alone in a room. My life philosophy is that if I can't have perfect company then I'd rather die along the way, doing what I want, taking adventures of a lifetime. The world is so beautiful, too good to pass that up. Then I thought of Anthony Bourdain's life and I feel like I might just end up like him someday. And no, not a traveling celebrity chef with a good passport with all the camera crew and good food from around the world. Just some insignificant someone, alone in her hotel room, somewhere in this world. Died after a life well-lived.
Sometimes we have to stay away from our loved ones to do something better and achieve our goals. That's okay.
But we can't live alone forever. We need friends, family and people with whom we can express ourselves and share our feelings. Everyone wants to take care of someone and she/he wants someone to take care of her/him. That's what, I think, @diabolika.
Truth.
I feel your place right now. I am in a simliar boat; but see it as a real chance to rebuild and create that life I desire. Creating a social circle that will benefit me in the mean time developing myself until that social group is built. The way you describe it and justify always makes me feel better that I am holding out. Thanks 💯🐒
That's great to hear. Full support!
No worries!
Thank right you are. And for you 💯🐒
"If you are desperate for human connection, you tend to just accept the love you think you deserve. You grab someone available who shows you slight affection."
I have known quite a few people like that. I had a friend once and he thought every girl who he dated was going to be his future wife. Of course, that was never the case but he would get super mad if you tried to tell him that. I think the issue is that a lot of people want a thing so much that everything else starts to look like it.
Wherever you took that picture looks super nice.
Yeah people don't want to be aware of things about themselves that will hurt them.
That was in Cusco, Peru.
Sounds like you are kind of lonely out there, doing whatever it is. I know you are on a mission to accomplish something or test yourself or maybe get away from something painful. Whatever it is. I hope it’s worth it cause you don’t sound like you are having a great time.
Then again, maybe it’s just the weather. Tomorrow it will all look different. Best wishes. 🐓🐓
Thanks, I know it's just the weather. This too shall pass.
How come the wives and girlfriends don’t like you? You should point them to your steem blogs. At the very least they’ll say your okay ish
Mean girls.
This. But feel comforted(?) that there are a number of us out there who are aware of the corrupting influence of our social/economic systems. I guess that's the great thing about the internet. You can find these people who you would never have met before the internet. I hooked into the Occupy movement that way, and have made some of my best friends through there. And most of them are unemployed bums like me (coz fighting the system takes too much effort to find time to work, man!), so we are always on the internet to muck around with each other. And I even see them IRL sometimes. :o Although, I find that the more caring and generous a person is, the less likely they are to get my misanthropy. It takes a while to school them into only visiting me for short stints... :) You're a bit of a misanthropist too, yeah? Do you ever feel guilty for it? I do. Fucken guilt. It's the worst emotion. Someone needs to find where guilt resides in the brain, and then zap it.
Yes I feel comforted to be aware, better late than never. The internet makes it easier to connect with like-minded people, who share the same rant and sentiments about the world.
I do hate people. I hate them more now than ever. But I still very deeply especially if I meet a nice soul. It's not everyday that happens so I feel like not letting go of that person. Good qualities are rare these days. People resorted to becoming self-absorbed individuals ready to eat the weak. It sucks.
The more I found out how people don't really care that much, the more I don't give a shit about them.
I prefer animals and kids to adult humans. They are uncorrupted, and they live life like every day is the greatest day ever. I want to be like that Benjamin Button guy. Get younger and more immature as I age... ;)
Cool.
While I prefer my cat.
Men is a social animal. It's always good to keep in contact with your friends and relatives. Keep in contact with your loved ones give you positive energy. However you shouldn't see your happiness with other. By the way for your future business which involves a lot of human interaction keeping contact is inevitable @diabolika
I know we are social animals. It's hard not to connect with people who are dear to us. Thanks for the kind words!
a well lived life is a life with love.
many people love you you just dont want to realize. it is not the weather as you have weathered all kinds of weather.
what gurus mean is that happines is a choice. like a switch, you turn off the lights and see darkness or turn on the light and see. HAPPYSAD just a switch to divide them.
there is nothing desperate about human connection because it is natural. it is a need. but there is desperation in trying to isolate yourself as what you have been writing all these years.
a person is a wise man if he chooses not to be lonely, be it alone or with the company of others.
you are still beautiful my gosh after all the years gone by. the ass and the tits and slender arms are still there and that billowy long hair.
you should party. my gosh. you got what you wanted in life so smile
Well, if it's a life well lived, then it's a time well spent. It doesn't matter if those whom you'd have liked to have around were not there. As long as you can say it's a life well lived, then you're good to go.