/ / Pitfalls and Rewards / /

Hey ya'll Steemit folks far and wide :

It's been a second since I've posted. I have been super busy getting over being sick and doing interviews for my audio project 'The Ground Shots Podcast,' trying to take care of myself while living nomadically, and more. I have a slew of steemit posts I want to get out including an #introduceyourself post, of which I have not done yet! This one is not that, but a little post on my podcast, why I am doing it, what it actually looks like in real life.

So, I was driven to do some sort of collaborative audio project for a few reasons. So many podcasts out there feature the same people over and over, especially in the herbal medicine and homesteading or permaculture world. I get bored, or sick of hearing the same people who already have a ton of attention on them. Secondly, I think audio projects are powerful. The nuance of hearing people's voices in conversation, in dialogue, is really valuable to me. I think there is a lot of potential in audio projects because of the way they create more intimacy than other forms of media or artwork. Me writing this right now, still does not give you a much of a sensory experience of who I am, what my body and spirit is in this world. Words can be powerful no doubt, but I believe that audio is perhaps more powerful, or complementary to good writing and storytelling.

(this is tansy, in a friend's garden)

For some reason, whatever spirit informs me has guided me to a ton of travel the past few years. From a period where I was heavily focused on learning farming and gardening skills, land crafts and herbal medicine in one place (or at least in one place for 8 months at a time) to suddenly a place where I am letting the wind blow me towards inspiration, opportunity, vulnerability, connection, collaboration, and community. I think it all has led me to where I am now. From the difficult times being stranded in intense heat or cold rain with the feeling of nowhere to go, to a place of integrating and taking in all of those connections between people and place I've formed from years of adding layers of experience and turning it into something unique, beautiful and meaningful.

Doing this audio project just seems to suddenly make the most sense. It is putting myself out there in a way I have never done before. It is interesting because, I don't take criticism lightly, sometimes too personally, and I am indeed setting myself up for some major feedback, both good and bad. Mostly I've gotten good feedback on my projects thus far, but I am preparing myself for inevitable mixed feedback, because I am human and can't get everything right.

So right now, I don't even know where I am going to be next week. I do know that what 'structure' guides my very windblown life is the structure of my projects and how they take priority. If there are a cluster of folks I want to interview in a given place, and they are willing, I am going there, and making time to talk with them, and also utilize the resources of that place. Like currently, I am in Portland, Oregon, and well, it is a bustling city, but I can go to a sauna here, stop by the epic woodworking store to get spoon carving tools, utilize print shops (cause I mean, it's Portland, zine central), eat at a couple good cafes, enjoy the parks, and more. I have been staying in a friend's apartment for a couple days while she is away, and this is actually a really rare moment. Time alone in quiet in a space without other humans. I can't afford airbnb and I honestly rarely pay for camp sites in state parks. I end up stealth camping or staying with people a lot, which can be exhausting and rewarding, and finding internet (and fast internet for uploading audio files is actually surprisingly hard) and quiet spaces to interview and work has been rare. I literally park my camper by a wifi area in a parking lot somewhere sometimes to try to get work done in a space 'alone.'

While it can be exhausting while also just merely the fact that my routines are sometimes impossible to keep on track due to travel, it is also equally rewarding. Existing in the 'in-between' and going between people's worlds, getting to live in them for a second and feel what it feels like, letting the place put an impression on me, is incredibly valuable. I don't know how long I could live in a place like Portland, personally, but maybe for a spell, to do some projects or work that makes sense. I guess that is what I am doing - coming in and out of spaces I might not necessarily want or be able to live long term.

Who am I interviewing? Why these people?

Well, I am interested in how activism, art, farming, craft, and the outdoors intersect. I am also interested in how bridges can be formed between professions, ideas, places, schools, cultures, through the medium of talking about our work, our ideas and what we are working towards, what moves us to do what we do. I've been having these conversations for years with people I meet traveling, and after awhile it came to a head. I want to share these people and their ideas with the world. Some of the folks I am interviewing I have worked with before, am friends with, have met traveling once or twice, but others I don't know at all, or have barely worked with but I felt that their work was important.

It has been a challenge to push my edge of seeking out people, of making dates, of asking question eloquently, of being seen and heard and holding a container. It has been a challenge to hear myself and not feel like I sound 'weird,' like many of us tend to feel when hearing our voices reflected back. It has been a challenge taking the leap to pay for help editing the audio, but I trust in the project so much, I just have to do it.

As the project unfolds, I look forward to seeing how it evolves into its own community, its own place of conversation and action. I did a few interviews the past couple days since I've been in Portland, and they have been AMAZING, and every time I do a new interview that moves me I am reinvigorated and lose seeds of self doubt that sometimes inevitably creep in.

For today, I am editing episodes, preparing the next one to go out by possibly tomorrow?, making plans for the next month, and the next 6 months, and the next year, (like it seems like I am always doing), trying not to apply for a job though it is often tempting to crave that structure (can you believe, I the nomad am craving the 9-5 life? geez..), taking advantage of rare quiet and privacy until my friend gets home, of whom is wonderful for hosting me.

I'll try to keep ya'll updated on these projects I'm doing and what it looks like in my real life, because that's what is totally consuming me these days.

Soon I'll do the #introduceyourself post and give you a little more background into my whole life and what I'm about.