The Salve Of Empowerment

Last week, I accidentally saw a psychic healer. Accidentally, you ask? Yes. I thought it was a reiki healing. Even reiki I wasn't too sure about, but my naturopath had pretty much begged me to see her healer, saying she helped her get unstuck. And I was feeling stuck. I was crying every day - all I had to do is think about my folks and I'd be sobbing. It was taking all my efforts to not cry - to breathe, to focus on the good, to take herbal remedies to calm my nervous system down. I wasn't unhappy - not at all. I was just experiencing some pretty strong feelings in reaction to what was happening around me.

Lying on the table holding two huge crystals tightly, I was willing to be open minded. There's energies around we don't understand, and I believe whole heartedly in intuition, empathy and basic psychology. It didn't really matter what she was going to do, but whether it worked on me on some level. I didn't really need to analyse, or to be skeptical. Besides, she had a bookshelf to die for, from yogic texts to philosophy and herbalism and everything in between. What was not to trust, from a woman like that?

The first thing she did was speak to 'someone' who was there to say I was going to be okay. This someone wasn't talking much, but was there to say they loved me and I would be okay. She said that the quiet ones were often migrants, because they didn't feel as comfortable talking in their second language. The only other detail she gave me was that she didn't see this woman with a man, in fact, she hadn't been with a man for a very long time. She was strong, and solo. I couldnt help but smile... I knew who she meant. When I related this to Mum yesterday, she laughed. 'Is that you, Nana?' she joked. Both of us don't know what to think about the world of psychics, ghosts and spirits. We agreed that it didn't really matter though - what was really incredible was that after that healing (which went far beyond a quick meet up with my Dad's mother) I haven't cried since. In fact, I've been okay with Dad's illness in a way I haven't been in two years.

Those that know me here will know that it has knocked me for a six. We're close. So close, the healer said, that we'd shared this relationship in other lives. I'd been totally poleaxed by his illness and prospective death. Somehow, though, she connected me to the deeper understandings in myself that helped me see it from another perspective.

But I digress. Back to Nana and the salve of empowerment of the title.

A energy healing where my Nana appeared snuggled up to a healing salve my Nana used to make. Or a variant of.

Nana migrated from Germany post world war two, with an alcholic, abusive husband and three little boys. Like many migrants to Australia, she had to learn English and earn a living. She left Grandpa, who died an alcoholic when I was in Grade 6, and was on her own as long as I could remember. When I was a single Mum, I lived round the corner from her, and would pop over for a cuppa and her famous pancakes, which she kept stacked in the fridge for us to microwave. She was there when I split from my then boyfriend, which was difficult because I worried about him so, and felt guilty for leaving and worried about my boy who was only 2 and would lose the only father he had ever known. She was kind, but stern, telling me I didn't need a man to have a happy life. I believed her.

She was kickass strong. She had survived war, migrated to the other side of the world, learnt another language and cleaned hospitals and made a beautiful garden - she had the greenest thumb I have ever known. By 28, I was restless as hell, and had saved up enough to go to Europe with Jarrah. She was thrilled. She bought me a backpack and a camera and said she'd see me if I came back, not when. This was a huge thing for me - I was terrified of getting on that plane on my own. I had never been overseas before, had very little money, and a four year old kid in tow, heading into the unknown. I had the desire to go, but not much of the nerve - it's pretty disempowering being on your own in a judgemental small town with not much money to your name. Nana gave me a little bit of power back. I bought the ticket to Frankfurt.

Nana died from complications with heart surgery at 80 years old. I was in Berlin, in the country of her birth, and had sent her a postcard on the day she died.

For the rest of my life, I've felt such regret that I didn't learn more from her when I could. I'm not sure she would have obliged, to be honest - she couldn't even be bothered teaching us German beyond counting to ten and 'apfel', which you needed for her freaking amazing strudel, which she made with the thinnest pastry and sour cream in beautiful rolls of deliciousness.

She used to make a calendula salve, which she made with lard. I always remember her using it. I can't look at the calendula flowers in my garden without thinking of her. Think about how little power she had in her life - no husband, no education, no English, family and friends left behind in post war Germany. Making her own medicines and food must have been a necessity to her, not a hobby or a luxury. In small ways, they gave her control over her own life. She didn't care what people thought of her. She just did what she had to do to survive.

I wonder if I inherited her resourcefulness, her strength and determination, and strong character. She too kept chickens and loved her vegetable gardening. I always draw on her spirit when I need to be strong and no-nonsense, like killing an injured chook to put her out of her misery.

And so, the salve of empowerment. Because when I'm at my weakest, and struggling with life, I think of my Nana. I think of the hardship she went through, the abuse, the poverty, and getting by in a country that didn't know you. I think of how she empowered me through the clipped, terse and no nonsense lessons she delivered to me over pancakes, strudel and chicken soup.

As I made calendula and lavender salve this weekend, I thought about how I'm empowered by ancestors like Nana, whether it's nature or nurture, genetics or upbringing. I'm proud I have her resourcefulness, and can draw on her strengths when I need them most.

Vielen danke, Nana.

This is in response to the Tribe Steem Up QOTW which asks how we might be empowered in our lives, or what we do to be empowered. I've been thinking about it all week, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about Nana, either. The two seemed to go together in perfect harmony. I just wish I had a photo of her to go along with this post.

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