The Bias Against Complaining, Profitable Positivity, Silencing Dissent, and Encouraging Inaction

in #truth6 years ago

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I recently read a series of posts by one of my favorite steemians (@diabolika) and they got me started thinking about the idea of "complaining" and the way that some people view it. She had written an interesting post about poverty and her personal situation and a commentator decided to tell her that not complaining is the key to success (not in those exact words but that is close enough). That kind of statement, understandably, rubbed her the wrong way and she responded in both the form of a comment and with another post but the person who made the remark is representative of how quite a large portion of the population views the act of complaining. That is to say, there is a bias against it. Many people believe that it is an annoyance, an attempt to pass responsibility onto something other than the self, and unproductive. However, this seems like a flawed outlook, from my perspective. Being positive is all well and good but complaining about things serves a vital social function. To put it simply, people must be aware of a problem before they can address it and complaining helps to raise that awareness. Of course, there are likely reasons that, despite its useful function, complaining is often framed as undesirable action. Problems are often hard to solve and easy to ignore which creates the bias in our minds. Sometimes there is profit in keeping people quiet about their concerns which makes poking at our bias a good decision for a charlatan who peddles (often) meaningless positive feelings. For the establishment, complaints can be seen as the beginning of "dangerous" dissent so they exploit our bias to suppress the voices of those who complain. Our drive to complain and the validity of our complaints are under a constant assault by our own bias, by people pushing "snake oil," and by the authorities which creates a situation that leaves us vulnerable to those who would rob us of our wealth and prevent us from taking action to help ourselves.

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Let's take a look at what complaining actual does. Sometimes, it isn't what we want to hear but it is meant to let us know that someone is dissatisfied with something. What that thing is and its level of importance may vary but that does not diminish the value of expressing dissatisfaction. If others feel that the problem that caused the complaint is serious enough, they can take action to address that problem in some way or, at least, think about ways in which that problem can be addressed. As social creatures who, to some extent, rely on others to provide help, the ability to bring problems to people's attention is of extreme importance.

Unfortunately, many people are prone to taking the easy road and ignoring problems is often much less work than trying to find solutions. Because that is the case, we often dismiss complaints before we really hear them out. "Shut up and deal with it" we say in one way or another. However "dealing with it" is precisely what the complainer is trying to do. He or she may be asking for real help or he or she may be simply venting frustrations but both of those things are ways of approaching an unfavorable situation. One makes the self feel a little better and the other is an attempt to stir up support for facing the actual problem but a listener who does not take the time to think about the issue that lies behind the complaint, only hears "whining" and closes his or her mind from the start. This is a bias that quite a few people possess and it creates an opportunity for exploitation by charlatans and authorities.

This unwillingness to listen to complaints leaves us vulnerable to malevolent actors and can cause us to be taken advantage of much more easily. In one of her posts that touched on the comment that she received, @diabolika pointed to some so the scamy self-help material that preaches positivity. Hucksters will tell us that if we stop complaining and think happy thoughts, good things will happen for us. Of course, that isn't true. You can't "happy" yourself out of a car fire. A murderer's bullet does not care how joyous you might be. Starvation is not caused by negative mindsets. When the scammer's scam does not work, he or she will say that the scammed just didn't think positively enough and that by "complaining" about the scam not working, they are really proving that it does work. "Give me another twenty dollars and try believing a little harder next time." Since people already have a bias against complaining and they are being fed a message that confirms that bias, they accept the premise and the weak explanations for why it does not have the advertised effect. In short, the bias against complaints gives people who push profitable positivity a free pass to extract cash from individuals who only want to seek a better life.

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The systems of authority to which we are subject also have a problem with complaining. When people complain about the government or its actions, particularly in public, it starts to look bad and image is important to an institution that depends on the continued support of the population. They will use their mouth pieces in the media to discredit people who complain and bring real issues to our attention. For minor things, they may paint someone as unpatriotic, hysterical, or insane and many people, already not being fond of hearing complaints, accept those labels without much thought because they confirm their biases. If the complainer has a valid enough reason to complain (that is, they are a "whistle blower" with real "dirt" to bring to light) they are said to be "leaking national security secrets" and could face imprisonment or (potentially) death for daring to complain too effectively. Still, though, some portion of the population is fine with that explanation because accepting it is easier than dealing with the implications of the leaks. Again, our bias against complaining is used as a means to mislead us. We already didn't like hearing what the leaker is saying and when the propagandists call the leaker some negative thing, we say "yeah, screw that guy."

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The risk that we face is not taking action to address the real problems that affect us. If we don't listen to the person who complains about a dangerous road, no one will fix it and prevent the accidents that it causes. If no one listens to the individuals who complain about a scammer's scam, he or she can continue to trick people out of their money. If we do not know about the shady things that the authorities get up to, we cannot oppose them. Because suppressing complaints encourages inaction, it is, perhaps, best if we ask ourselves what purpose it serves for those who tell us to "deal with it."

With all that in mind, I think it is important for us to hear people out. Sometimes, complaints are legitimately frivolous and sometimes they have merit but we can't know which is true until we hear them for ourselves. We can fight the urge to dismiss things because they are negative or point to difficult problems. We can also question people who tell us not to complain because they may have a self-serving reason for keeping us quiet about the things that we are upset over. I frequently say that changing the way that we think does not fix our problems but, in this case, I think it does actually address some of them directly. Most of the tactics that are used to keep us from paying attention to people's complaints (with the exception of legal action or the use of violence) are designed to exploit a quirk in our thinking. If we make ourselves conscious of our bias against complaints, we can suppress it until we know if it is justified.

Peace.

I referenced several posts by @diabolika here and if you are not familiar with her work, I encourage you to check it out because, in my opinion, she always has something interesting to say.

All the images in this post are sourced from the free image website unsplash.com.

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Great to hear your take. I usually pass over the negative or "help me" post. When I read the negative ones I have to weigh if I believe them. How can we know?

And then if they are depressed and you say the wrong thing, well it is a slippery slope. I went back and wrote for one guy to seek help. I am not a trained professional. His posts seem okay now, so who knows?

Depends on where you want to spend your time. I try not to post negative and like to post positive. I differ with you on one point. I seek out positive posts when I a feel down or am going through something. Others want sympathy so that is alright but the positive help me.

If you want to read about my problems when they come up I can PM you. LOL just kidding .. I also like a good sense of humor.

Thank you.

"How can we know?" That is an issue in itself. Not all complaints are made equal so we do have to use our judgment but I think the important thing is that we give them a fair chance to be heard.

I think positive stuff is okay in general but I see it as a area for where people can take advantage of us too, so that is another instance where our judgment is necessary. If someone is telling us that we can learn to be happy with ourselves, that is probably fine. If, on the other hand, they tell us that we use this book (which only costs $49.99) to will wealth and prosperity into existence, I would question that claim lol.

Yes, I see where you are going. It is all subjective.

If someone has a complaint then there is no good reason not to hear them out and address it whether it be legitimate or frivolous.

Thanks for the mention! And I like this word - Hucksters lol.

If you had put the comment and the guy's username on the post, he would have gone viral and even thanked us lol. And, we would have done this lala world a huge favor. And of course, we won't do that lol.

It makes me remember the story of my friend who was attending this church, and she didn't have money for the bus fare to get home. Quite sad, she approached the church members for help. She was told that she didn't have faith lol. They didn't help her.

It makes me remember this positivity movement is like religion too. People actually need to wake up to reality and do something.

she always has something interesting to say.

Nice way to put it! lol.

That is a good one. I like grifter too lol

"She was told that she didn't have faith lol."

The big churches do that a lot. The preachers will say that they have millions of dollars because they have faith but it is really because they tell everyone that the more money that they give the more that god loves them. It is super shady but if I lost my ethics and was going to scam people, that is the way I would go lol.

While I agree with you in the sense that a complaint always has a justification and for the one who feels complained, from his subjective point of view a relief wants to experience, I would like to offer nevertheless also another perspective.

We live in a world full of complaints, people really get excited about a lot and burden a community that feels constantly exposed to new complaints, which it has heard very often.

Blogging is also a very public affair and many of us have not learned to deal with it when someone does not confirm you but gives you unsolicited advice. I am comparing two ways to deal with it: you find that the commentator has gone too far, that he or she has not dealt enough with what has been said, and that he or she simply wants to express his or her displeasure. Then you have a rather negative view of this commentator.

One can also assume that any comment is an attempt to help, no? Even if you see anger or arrogance shimmering through, you either want to help yourself believe what you're saying, or you want to help the author of the text. Granted, all this is often not very elegant or eloquent.

With regard to the commentator we are talking about here, a re-quest would also have been a possibility - why not? It seems that the commentator himself has not yet quite arrived at what he advises the author to do. I, on the other hand, think that it contains the general desire to complain less. Isn't that also true? He did not propose anything violent or immoral.

If we believe we can recognise a certain tendency in the way someone expresses himself, we humans tend to want to compensate for it. Blogging and expressing oneself does not mean that one is always the one who knows exactly how life works, one does not only have the role of the publisher and "teacher", one also finds oneself in the role of the learner.

I agree in this respect with the view that less complaining would be better. If my complaint leads me to find an insight into how I feel less burdened, then there is nothing to say against it. ....But what, when the complaint wants to be only confirmed? How far does this bring me? It doesn't have much development potential if nobody comes and questions it. My experience with people who tend to complain is that they are more likely to be rejoicing and even angry when asked, not to mention giving advice.

Don't you also perceive sometimes that the complainant wants the environment to change or adapt according to his or her ideas, and what hurts him or her should be improved or alleviated by others?

This is the way to give up a lot of self-governing, if you ask me.

From my point of view the blogger has taken it much too personally. She shows no interest in the commentator or asks why he thinks he has to give advice. She compares a simple but not particularly interested commentary with an invasion and a religion imposed on her. I think that is very exaggerated. Though I see also a grain of truth in it I ask myself why she did not get the chance to get into a dialogue with her assumed view of this commentator and asked him instead of speculated? A very far-fetched speculation about a complete stranger who suggested one thing to her.

I understand very well the hypocrisy found in many esoterically superficial self-help guides. But then one can also be glad to have uncovered such hypocrisy. How good that one can distinguish authenticity from charlatanry, isn't it? Then why do we have to denigrate and ridicule those who are still searching and will find their own disappointments?

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Interesting breakdown of the issues. There is certainly a sort of mob mentality which passes as the majority viewpoint in online communities. Personally, I don't agree with the term 'troll' half the time - it would seem that in most cases, any 'non-popular' expression is immediately shamed as trolling. It is a slippery slope. More reading, listening, respect and especially 'thinking independently' ought to become the culture in on and offline life. I will follow my own advice and find the time to re-read this post at a later time in order to allow the ideas to percolate a lot more. Glad to be following your account for this kind of content.

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