I had a wonderful discussion with two great friends - separately, about the same topic. With the first, I happened to mention something about not being content with the way I looked. Picking my body apart, one feature at a time. The mood got quiet, and I interjected quickly that I was sure she understood. Every woman lacks confidence in their body. Right? Her response shocked, intrigued, bemused and mystified me.
"Actually, not all women are like that. I'm pretty confident about my body."
After I finished picking my jaw up off the floor, I had to know. How does one get this confidence? This elusive mistress that has evaded all of my attempts to lure her to my brain. I spoke a few days later to the second friend, and she too - had found this contentment! How? Where were they getting this? How could I be one of them?
They both gave me some tips that had worked for them. Not the psycho mumbo jumbo that you can find in self-help books and Cracker Jack boxes - but the real deal. The things that made the difference in their lives. The hard core, deep heart, inner-demon-facing methods that slayed their dragons of insecurity.
I'm actually not posting to tell you what they said. I'm posting to ask you:
- Where do you fit on this security spectrum?
- Do you walk out of the shower and wink at the sexy woman passing by the mirror?
- Do you love your body, just as it is?
- Can you strut down the street without feeling like you're faking it?
- Do you find those imperfections - perfectly perfect?
I would love to hear things that you've done to start changing your mindset, quieting the criticisms, and ignoring the inner judgments. Feel free to fill up the comment section with anything you think would be well-received by women (and I suppose men) who struggle with their reflections.
Thanks all 😘
Image Source
Reflection , edited by
@dreemsteem
Divider
Source
As a man it's been tough even for me. In the last 2 months because of low Thyroid I gained nearly 50 lbs. Iam 50 yrs. old so it may not be as bad as a 30 yr. old. Especially for women. But frustrating nonetheless . Thanks for sharing this post @dreemsteem
❤️ I find when I take care of my health and feel strong in my body, I feel beautiful. When I eat crap - I don't feel so happy...
Thank you my friend! You're so right... crappy food has all kinds of toxins that affect the brain and make us lethargic and apathetic! not too many steps from depressed and discontent! LOL
It is perfectly ok not to be perfect. Actually, you don't have to. Everything that you have is who you are. Don't look at models in the magazine and compare yourself. The thing is, even that model doesn't look like the picture of the model in the magazine.
We don't even have tv anymore - and this has really helped to STOP comparing! hehehehe but..... i wonder how to erase all the junk from when I grew up as a young woman?
just keep telling ourselves that we're beautiful in our imperfections, I guess :)
I think everyone has someone who tells that you're beautiful! :)
Not only that, he expresses that through his action.
you're exactly right - actions speak louder than words :)
When I get out of the shower I totally wink at whatever sexy women happen to be passing by.
Seriously though. I like my body. I guess I wish I had slightly bigger muscles, but I guess every guy feels like that once in awhile unless you are a bodybuilder.
I'm tall, thin, decent build, so I don't really have too much to complain about really when it comes to how my body looks. Of course, I work at a restaurant every day so there's a lot of exercise going on whether I want to or not.
You guys really want to achieve a body with muscles.. and abs!! You just want us girls to drool a lot!
I can just imagine you winking so many times.. so how many sexy women passing you every time you take a shower?
Posted using Partiko Android
Well I live with a couple of other guys so it's usually just a couple of sweaty meatheads. It would be nice though.... a man can dream.
Dream away big boy!! I cant wait to see how far you fair this week.. find more sweaty meatheads to mess up with 🤣😂
Posted using Partiko Android
LOL!
my hubby asks me, "When you walk by the mirror after getting out of the shower - do you just say...'Damn. I look good' You do. don't you?"
i'm like. 🤔
no. 😒
Congratulations @dreemsteem! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor.
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPThanks @steemitboard :)
Hmmmmm.. im not really confident of what my body is showing the public now.. i did have a slender and sexy bod way before i gave birth.. and now that i have two, its a huge struggle to tone down.. so whenever the topic is being brought up, i usually say I HAVE BEEN THERE.. haha no pressure of going back..
Im fat and big than the way I used to be.. but i am happy too. And sometimes not, because i only have few more clothes that fits me!!
i am really not trying hard because i always end up being teased by food. I feel sad if i see food that go to waste.. hahahaha
Posted using Partiko Android
I want to be comfortable in my clothes - and content - no matter what!
the two women I talked to - they said they weren't perfect - but they loved their bodies too! wowwwwwwww i want that confidence!!!
i love food (you know this!) hehehehe but i want to be able to enjoy food - and be healthy - and ALSO feel good in my body.
and yes - i know what you mean!!! before pregnancies - my body was really toned. but now... lol NOT.
Yeah.. im planning to eat healthy too.. i hope i win the war against myself!
I can relate on getting comfy in what we wear. Actually i dont mind the bigger me, what i cant tolerate is the bumpy belly!! Hahahaha oh pleaseeeee..i cant seem to get away..
Do ask your friends how do they hace the confidence.. are they big too??
Posted using Partiko Android
maybe they'll comment on the post!!! :) and give us all their tips hehehee
Ohhhh.. they're here.. hahaha cool..
Posted using Partiko Android
yeah hahahaha they are both from steemit ;)
Hahaha ill stick around to see their reactions and answers.. 😁
Posted using Partiko Android
Take a look at some of the men's comments too - i'm pretty shocked! :) i love that they came to engage too!
When i look in the mirror I see this handsome hunka hunka Insert wolf whisle sound
hahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!! there is some of the confidence i need! send me some in the mail please! LOL
As a man i think we should love our body. Ofc there are some things that can't change and we should embrace them like our high for example something that is completely natural and you can't do anything about it especially if you are a man, so the only solution is to love yourself.
Now as far as it concerns others things that we can change naturally like our weight i think every should strive for a healthy body and by that i don't mean what is shown in moves and social media with the extreme muscles and abs for men and ass for women.We should just balance it in order to be healthy, feeling better and be thin.
Honestly after that and if as i said you try to be a better and healthier person each day loving the way you are whatever happens happens. The next part is whether we are likable by others or not and that depends on the person. Some people will like your looks, some no, some will be assholes, other will try to learn more about you and love your personality others don't.
I agree - i don't like it when people embrace themselves when they've given up and choose a lazy lifestyle. I know tht there are things we can't change - so.... we should embrace that.
but when there are ways to be healthy... we SHOULD strive for that - i totaly agree with you!
I was thinking - it would be a lot easier for me to enjoy my reflection more - if i was more focused on being healthy. (trying to now!!!!)
I am so surprised how many men have replied to this so far! more men than women - interesting results :)
my experience says that men are more honest that women and friendships between men last longer that the female one, ofc i will that one more time, it's based on my experience it's not a fact or something absolute.
I think the reason more men reply is because more men apply and follow that logic because in a way they can't do otherwise. Let me give you an example: most women wear tons of make up, fake eyelids, shoes to look taller,fake hair,fake hair and some of them have done plastic surgery in their nose-lips-boobs, so how can they say to you "love yourself for what you are" :P that would be the utmost hypocrisy! :P
interesting! LOL well - you're right about some of that... but, I think that a lot of women would really like to NOT have those conditions applied to them. However, in the office, in the club, in the stores - who are the women that get the attention? The ones that look fake.
so.... it's difficult to compete with them unless you're really confident yourself.
also - for the friendships - i don't know, I can't say. I have long friendships with men and women :)
the majority of men that those women will attract will be of the same mindset. Also the those women tend to have an attitude so even if they gain the attention whee somebody goes and talk to them he will understand :P
Instead those that are their usual self and are kind when somebody goes and talk to them will have more success rate!
Also i should mention that many times me, my friends or even other men that we have no idea who they are may look those women you said above but our reaction will be "ahh another one, where are the real women!" It's like those stupid trends that come from time to time!
Bottom line try to be healthy, embrace what you can't change and be kind towards everyone. I don't know the outcome but it's certain that no man will say some bad for you and you gonna obtain at the very least new friends!
I really love your comments!!!!!!!! I think so many women will love them too :) Thank you for bringing such insight (and from a male perspective too!!!!) to this post! :)
oh and by the way - the women that are in the post - that were telling me to love myself for who i am....
they are not filled with fake ;) they are genuine and beautiful on the inside AND the outside
just wanted you to know that hehehehe
sent me their facebooks or instagram and i can tell you right away :P otherwise i can't have an opinion :P
Hahahahaahaha they are on steemit (better than Facebook or Instagram lolol) and I've seen them so you'll just have to take my word for it! Lolololol
in that case i take your word!
Good thinking!
I know what you're thinking.. most men tend to acquire a toned body with extra bloating muscles and 6 pieces of abs!!!! Some are so confident showing them off and offering other people to touch them..
Yes, loving your body does not require you to go to higher extent of body changes. What is really important is the status of your health and what you are doing about it. One should stop comparing, this is the root of all self doubt and insecuritiea!
Posted using Partiko Android
and if you think about it the whole whole thing is pretty simple but we make it hard. As far as it concern us we just have (as it is mentioned multiple times) to take care of our body in comparison to our health and embrace the things that we cannot change.
If we wanna take a step further a talk about meeting new people the same mindset of simplicity applies there. If we wanna to someone we should just go and do it politely and at the same time that other person should be polite as well. The outcome can be to find a girldfriend/boyfriend or a friend or just have a nice conversation for a short time.
but we make it hard having attitudes etc etc
that is supposedly the main goal, taking care of our body especially we are not getting any younger.. as they say, you are what you eat.. you become what you eat.. but.. but... it is just to hard to keep the discipline! I know in time if we get used to it, we can achieve it no matter how gard it may be.. and you are right a lot of things that makes it harder to accomplish..
I would say insecurities(both about appearance as well as things like job, accomplishments, intellect, etc...) haunt people based on a multitude of factors. Personally, I'm severely self-critical, to the point where I can get some pretty bad depression when things are going poorly. On a couple occasions, it's prevented me from even enjoying my hobbies.
I find it's important to remind myself that you don't need to have everything figured out ahead of time, and mistakes are impossible to completely prevent. A little self-forgiveness and self-understanding (that one would definitely extend to other's shortcomings) goes a long way.
I think you it the nail on the head with self-forgiveness and self-understanding! I'm really trying to wrap my mind around what that means on a day-by-day basis so that I can apply these things in tangible ways!
and i'm right there with you rhet.... being severely self-critical. i do recognize that it's not as strong as it was when i was much younger - so that gives me hope! hehehehe
thanks for the comment Mr. @rhethypo hehehehehe
When I get out of the shower I totally avoid the mirror and I can't look and smile and say Hi there.... I have that to work on... I avoid mirrors.. Not as much as before but I don't love it..
I guess we all have our insecurities and it's a working progress 😊 I love myself but not all of me... Sounds nuts I know but.... Ya that's true for me. But I will get there... Lol
Amazing writing sister and such a present subject. ❤️🌹💖
thanks sis! yep - well it shouldnt surprise you that I feel the same as you! :) cuz we are so alike hehehhe
but piece by piece, I'm starting to appreciate me more and more
and you too i hope!!! with your new beginnings - everything is coming up roses for you now! i see it and believe it! hehehehehe :)