Ulog No. 35: "Burnout? So, I Resigned"

It has been a while since my last post. I haven't been well, not from flu or anything, but mainly on stress or what you call "burnout".

Burnout, as defined by Urban Dictionary, is a state of emotional and physical exhaustion caused by a prolonged period of stress and frustration.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling this burnout or going through rough patches or facing a rock-hard situation in my life that seems like it never ends, I start to lose hope. I feel like there's no way anything will change and that I'm going to be stuck in such a mess. As a matter of fact, that's what I feel at times when I pray that I start to feel like I have been praying about something and I have not seen any change at all.

Yes, it can be frustrating and discouraging. The thing is, when I lose hope, I lose the ability to see a whole new perspective on life or see anything beyond my circumstances. I am consumed by fear, mistrust, disappointment, doubt, and resentment over my unchanging situation.

But I know that God will turn my troubles into hope. Isaiah 40:31 says,

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I'm thankful that God is faithful in His promises. He is the only One that I can rely on in times of trouble. I know that when God promises me something, He will always come through. He keeps His promises and He will completely change my situations and turn my trouble into hope.

Decision

I decided I am just going to quit Uni and devote myself to work and finishing my Diploma course in Early Childhood Education and Care. Because I had to quit Uni, I had to resign my Teaching role position and decided I will still remain in the Early Learning Centre (where I am presently employed), of course not as an Early Childhood Teacher anymore, but as an Early Childhood Educator.

There is a difference between those roles. Of course, the pay rate is one of them. I will no longer be paid as a teacher, and I will no longer enjoy the privileges and perks of being a teacher, like being paid in the school holidays even when I'm not working. Because I won't be an ECT anymore, I cannot relieve my Director and assume leadership role and responsibilities when she's away, even though I am a registered teacher anyway. The problem is that I am a qualified primary and/or high school teacher, but I'm not fully qualified to be an Early Childhood Teacher.

Three years ago, the school employed me as ECT since I had the teacher's registration and because I was studying the Diploma course in Early Childhood Education and Care. It meant that I was working towards getting a qualification in Early Childhood Teaching. However, last year, the policy has changed. One needs to be working towards getting the Bachelor Degree in order for him/her to work as a teacher in the preschool. Because of that, I enrolled in Uni to get the Graduate Entry degree in Early Childhood Teaching. I was not mentally or emotionally prepared to study at Uni.

I could not get my head around work, studies, church and personal life, and I was already feeling that it was all too much! There was no balance and I could not give or do my best in my Uni studies, because I dedicate most of my time at work, and that's basically it. My life was spiraling and I was feeling so burnt out already.

So, I resigned but I still have 7 more weeks as the ECT of our Centre. Starting in Term 4, I will work as a Diploma Educator. In a way, I sort of like demoted myself, but I'm very happy with my decision.

I'm grateful that my Director accepted my resignation as a teacher and still wanted to employ me as their Educator. So, I'm not jobless, thank God. I can also enlist myself to work as a Relief Teacher if I want to or whenever I am available. I don't need to worry about the tuition fee that I need to pay for my Uni studies. And I won't worry about failing a Uni subject and wasting my money because I did not submit my assignments.

After I decided that I was going to quit Uni, I felt more at peace with myself and relieved, too. Now, I can just concentrate on finishing my Diploma, and then when I'm mentally, emotionally and financially prepared, then I can go back to Uni and finish what I had already started.

I know that my calling is always to be a teacher. And I will still get that full qualification. It's just that it won't be in the next couple of years. It may take 5 or 10 years, but I know I will get there eventually.