ULOG #5: I am a human too.

I am sitting here again and contemplating a lot of things in life. I bet everyone else does that, some people do it more than others though just like me. It feels suffocating sometimes, and sometimes it feels liberating.

I really tend to talk a lot but still there are a lot of things going on my mind which keeps me awake til morning. Some of these things are made up scenarios (what ifs). And some of these things already happened.

I felt bad though for weeks and I think it has been noticeable on some of my works, both art processes and stories that I share. I tend to slack a lot not because I do not have the passion on writing anymore but rather some things happened in my life which broke me into tiny pieces as I had been broken before for multiple times.

Is loving outside the sphere of your family and friends bad? Is loving a person too much that devastating? Is trying to keep the flame alive make you burn as well? Is loving someone will always be this hard?

I believe that human beings are not rational animals but rather rationalizing animals because sometimes we tend to act first based on our emotions and then rationalize ourselves to defend as to why certain actions on our part were made.

The emotions are driving us to unknown dimensions which makes us all unprepared.

I am still and will always be a working progress. A lot of my friends told me that it does not matter what others say as long as you know who are and as long as you are happy.

Ears had been made that way for harsh and irrelevant words to pass from one ear to another. On my part, when ears are combined, they tend to make a heart shape. When you lend your ears to someone, it is like giving a portion of your heart.

I know I failed a lot years ago, but I never viewed it as a stumbling block for me develop and grow. We all made bad decisions in life but that does not equate as to what we are.

I left law school for a reason. I stopped working in an organization for a reason. I left some people in my life for a reason. A lot had been telling me that I wasted all the opportunities that was brought to me, and not everyone can get that.

I hissed. Maybe I was not that strong enough to cling on to something. Or maybe, just maybe it was not for me at all.

I am human inside and out. I am flawed as well. I grew weary but I learned and will continually learn from it.
Finishing off a college degree with honors while maintaining a scholarship and keeping a co-curricular organization on top of my other priorities seemed to be the pivot for a successful journey of mine.

That is what they say.

I wanted to become a human rights advocate, but things at law school worn me out. I know my last name does not ring a bell that is why it would be easy for professors to fail me. I was so frustrated that it took a toll on my health. I struggled everyday but it seemed to have all been futile.

I wanted to breath on an environment with fresh air. I wanted my lungs to be filled with the warm breeze of thank yous and my lips be painted with smile. I worked then on various nongovernmental organizations and the pay was never good. Most of those were just even thank yous, but the experiences made me humble and appreciate life more. It made me what I am today.

Although things are a bit shaky for me, but I know it would turn out well soon.

It may be in an instant but I am patient to wait. My journey to success may not be as harmonious as others but I know it would also be beautiful.

^{Images are all taken from pixabay.com}

^{@gailbelga or Johanna Gail is a free-spirited freelance artist. She took up Bachelor of Arts in International Studies in one of the Ateneo universities in the Philippines. She is currently a candidate for Masters in Public Administrations. She volunteers in various non-profit/nongovernmental organization which aims for human rights through political education. She draws and writes about the country to provide awareness and promote the Philippines to foreign tourists.}