Ulog #6: A Day For Anxiety

Ulog #6
Date: May 10, 2018, (Late Post)
Title: A Day For Anxiety

This day was one of the not okay days, I just had dialysis last Wednesday night but then my BP was low at 100/60 and my heart rate was low as well. It stayed low until I got home and even now, it goes low sporadically which is strange. It's a bad sign for me, it means my cough and runny nose is making my system go down and of course, it makes me anxious of what could happen. I'm thinking I'm screwed because I have not experienced coughing in the whole time that I have been diagnosed, until this one. It makes me uneasy and uncomfy because I feel all things that aren't so well with my body. I would try relaxing and meditating but then I get too distracted and I can't focus. When anxiety hits you, it's so hard to tame your mind to keep calm and relax.

As the day went by, I am feeling better. I got busy trying to make Steemit posts and I kept reading people's post. I am a lurker, I may not comment or anything but I read almost anything I see. Steemit is a fun place to get into people's way of thoughts, it's not quite like Facebook. It's fun hanging out here. It eases my anxiety when I get caught up in the thread of comments or when I read updates in Discord. I forget about my worries and whatever weird things I feel inside me. Yay to Steemit for that. Thanks!

It's my first day for my medications for cough and the runny nose. It's really bad now and I get a bad throbbing headache. I'm almost drowned in tissues and Strepsils. Strepsils are expensive so I bought something cheaper, it's Gingerbon. A friend suggested it, I got some in Watson's and I'm into them. It's a chewy candy that's ginger flavored and I love it because I love ginger. I can't get enough of it because it's so chewy, it helps with the diversion from anxiety, too. I use grounding a lot as a technique against anxiety and I really use stuff to get me distracted. Like lollies and fidget spinners. I keep my five senses busy with little things that lets me enjoy the moment somehow and release the anxious tension I build inside.

Weird thing happened by dinner time. I was eating and I ate a lot of stuff that I was not supposed to eat and I had this yummy halo-halo to end it. Suddenly, I felt so dizzy and I thought my heart was palpitating. I was thinking I was having an attack but then I realized everything was moving and people were as puzzled as me, it was an earthquake. Hahaha! I said, wow, thank God it's just an earthquake. Weird, but yeah, I was afraid I was having an attack because I was being bad with eating and I was having anxiety episodes the whole day.

It's late now and the monster is still there. Hahaha! I still feel heavy and weird and I can't sleep. I'm trying to make myself productive and I'm learning new stuff online just so I can forget about the bad stuff and worries. Worrying about my health is just a tiny tip of the iceberg. There are many other things I need to take care of and I worry about all of them. Life is just too damn hard for me, but I have gazilion reasons to still fight it through and through until my last breath. This is my battle, this is where I stand.

()
I hope tomorrow will be better and free of anxiety. Now, I can only wish and pray.

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