Laughter, the Best Medicine
Laugh, as often, as heartily as you can. It is good for the heart, and the mental health. I hope this selection of jokes will bring on a chuckle or two, or at least put a smile on your face.
False Alarm
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighbourhood.
They parked their truck at one end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house an older woman was looking out her kitchen window watching the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from the last house was huffing and puffing right behind them.
They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figure I’d better run too!”
Candies
A kindergarten teacher decides she is going to teach her students a lesson about the five senses. She wants to start with taste, so she brings in flavoured sucking candies to class, blindfolds the children, and asks them to taste each one. The students have no problem identifying the cherry, lemon, and lime flavours, but when it comes to the honey sucker, they’re stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” the teacher says. “You may hear your mommies and daddies call each other this flavour at home.”
“Spit ‘em out! Spit ‘em out!” cries one child. “They’re assholes!”
Unlucky Guy
There were these three guys, who found this small ancient lamp. When they rubbed it, a Genie appeared. Thankful that the guys had released him from the lamp, the Genie said, “Next to you are three swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump in, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and your wish will come true.”
The first guy ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted “WINE”. The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The guy was so happy swimming and drinking in the pool of wine.
The second guy ran and shouted, “BEER” before jumping into the pool and was happily immersed in a pool of beer.
The last guy was running towards the pool when he stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, “SHIT!”
Try Again Next Time
A married couple had been trying to have a third child for a while. Unfortunately, the day she was to take a home pregnancy test, he was called out of town on business.
Mommy told her young daughters about the test, and they were excited. It was decided if it was positive, she would buy a baby outfit to surprise their father when he got home.
The three of them stood in the bathroom eagerly waiting for the tell-tale line to appear.
When it did not, her thoughtful seven-year-old gave Mommy a hug. “It's okay, Mom,” she said. “The next time Daddy goes out of town, you can try and get pregnant again.”
Betty
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God without with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am a 63 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next week is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Betty
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. They all dug into their wallets and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Betty and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful Gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.
Sincerely,
Betty
Source of Jokes -
Laughter – Life’s Tonic
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nice, upvoted
Thank you for stopping by and for you upvote. You take nice pictures. :-)