Laughter, the Best Medicine
Laugh, as often, as heartily as you can. It is good for the heart, and the mental health. I hope this selection of jokes will bring on a chuckle or two, or at least put a smile on your face.
A Backup Job
A man who had been in a mental institution for some years finally improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The psychiatrist that ran the institution decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to interview him first.
“Tell me,” said the doctor. “If we release you, as we are considering, what do you plan to do with your life?”
The inmate said. “It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less difficult and stressful.”
“Wonderful,” said the psychiatrist.
“Or else,” continued the patient, “I might teach. There is something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding the knowledge of young people.”
“Definitely,” said the psychiatrist.
“Then again, I might write. There is always a need for books on science, or I may even write a novel based on my experiences in the psychiatric institution.”
“Another interesting possibility,” agreed the doctor.
“And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a tea kettle.”
The Vice President
The Vice President of United States was staying at a hotel when a fire alarm went off in the middle of the night. Hundreds of guests, including the Vice President and his wife, were herded into the lobby. Once the Vice President realized that it was a false alarm, he and his wife headed for the elevator.
“Just a minute,” said the hotel’s security chief. “Everyone stays in the lobby until we get the all clear.”
“I’m the Vice President.”
“Oh,” the security chief said. “Sorry. Go right ahead.”
As the Vice President pressed the elevator button, the security chief had second thoughts. “Vice president?” he said. “Of what?”
“Of the United States,” came the answer.
“Get back out here,” the security chief said. “I thought you were the vice president of the hotel.”
They Saw It On Television
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “Do you know how these are used?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They are for my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you used these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one.”
Farmer Jake’s Mule
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field ploughing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake’s wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed, and while he quietly ate, she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake’s old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Jake’s minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, “Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?”
“Well,” Jake replied, “The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, ‘Is that mule for sale!?’”
The Fire Truck
A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put the fire out. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Though there was doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames.
The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the centre of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.
Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department’s work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for one thousand dollars.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. “That oughta be obvious,” he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. “The first thing we’re gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that darn fire truck!”
Source of Jokes -
Laughter – Life’s Tonic
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