Demons of the Mind's Eye
Some things you see can't be unseen.
A wartime sketch, pen on paper, the only artwork that I did on my first deployment.
When I was drawing it, I didn't really know what I was drawing or why.
Up until then I had never drawn anything that could be considered "dark."
Those who look at my artwork now might think that is the only type of art that I do, but it wasn't always such, and it began with this drawing.
I remember paying careful attention to detail, thinking about shading and light, but it's not like I sat down and said "I'm going to create something grotesque."
I know that at that point during the war there were things that were happening and events that I was having to process that were really troubling.
I lost my religion on that deployment and have not found it since.
I think that I was becoming aware that the eyes were windows of the soul, and just as we can let in the sight of beautiful things, and be elevated, so we can also let in visual "demons" who might possess us, perhaps for the rest of our lives.
The more distance I get from this, the more I think that is true, and seeing this piece of artwork that I created right in the midst of that chaos binds it in a certain ironclad honesty for me.
I entered the war a Christian young man, with peace in my heart, and when I left the war, my heart had become a battleground.
My convictions and beliefs had all been shattered.
I did not become a "bad" person.
If anything ever since then I have doubled my efforts to live a life of accountability.
However, for me it is now very much a solitary struggle.
I no longer feel god or angels watching over me.
When I get out of bed and choose to live another day, and to avoid doing evil, it is not because I fear god's judgment but because I have seen evil and know the bottomless depths of despair into which it can drag us.
There is evil living inside of me, and the fight to subdue it and rise above it is real.
Evil is not a shadowy shape under my bed.
Evil is mankind, and the choices that we make or fail to make.
As always, love your work in both imagery and words. I haven’t missed the gravity of your words, are you on discord?
Anyway, that is definitely a grotesque demon! A bloated gut and boney legs...ewww. Remember how I mentioned you should go draw a rose? This is exactly the style I imagined. In fact, if you squinted, you can probably re-imagine the demon as a rose stabbed into an eyeball. ;)
You are rather dark to me, but that’s not a “bad” thing. You share your experiences through your art, and that’s captivating to me. There’s not a lot that keeps me to steemit at the moment, but one of the highlights is seeing the world through your eyes from different points of your life. So please keep getting out of bed, choosing to live another day, avoid doing evil, and if time permits when you’ve seen to all the important things worth living for, post something on steemit. I will miss your contribution and I start to worry otherwise.
Hopefully, I don’t get struck by lightning by some God I don’t follow...
looks around first to check
...but Religion is overrated. I mean, have you been stung by a radioactive bee yet? Invest in smiles and hugs.
Take care,
Linny
Haha if something about the gravity of my words keeps you coming to Steemit then I am honored @linnyplant.
Ironically, your lighthearted posts are my favorite and your "joy of life" shines through everything you write.
Don't forget that I started off my Steemit career posting cartoons so my little world isn't all thunderclouds! You may be shocked to hear this but there is an actual end to my darker content that will come and then I foresee myself back to making cartoons eventually =p But since we have opened the door to my more serious work we might as well see it through.
Since you say you think I should draw a rose maybe you won't be surprised to know that one of the hardest drawings (emotionally) that I ever did was of a rose, and there is a hard story that goes with it. Chronologically it actually follows this drawing, so i guess I'll go ahead and share that one later this week.
At risk of angering the majority of the world that is religious I might have to agree with you on religion being overrated.
At further risk of sounding like the cynical stereotype of myself I might add that I think religion is yet another, and perhaps the oldest "control by an establishment" that seeks to keep the masses in an orderly line with their rose colored glasses on. How much more placid and compliant one is when they believe that no matter what they endure in life, a just recompense awaits them in the afterlife.
You probably won't be surprised either that I have 2 dark artwork pieces on this theme that will soon be shared as well. =p
Yeah, about that radioactive bee... every time a bumblebee tries to land on me while I am out mowing I still inadvertently flinch and shy away, so I might be jinxing our hopes of radioactive riches. I need to take lessons from @Willymac and learn to be "one with the bees."
Then again every other flying thing that swarms me in this hot humid weather is out to bite, sting, and fly into every hole on my head and suffocate me, so sorry bees, it's reflex at this point.
I have a few smiles stored away somewhere safe accruing a little interest so until I bloat up until a Steemit whale here you go =) =) =)
I had to emphasize the gravity, because I get misread as insensitive and immature often in being too flippant and lighthearted.
I was actually thinking that I should go back and read your comics when I grow tired of my steemit feed. Which is often.
Yes too, the rose... Post! I’m interested in all interpretations of a rose, and of course, I’m curious of the backstory. ❤️🌹
Yes, religion = hope = control.
Although, I really do believe there’s a higher power that demands balance, but that’s pretty much it for me. Not surprised that you have dark arts on religious themes. Post them all up, you may as well keep pushing along in this dark and twisted tunnel you find yourself in. You’ll reach the light eventually.
As for Afterlife, I’m supposed to be writing about that....so why am I blank?! Look, I’ll just hang with you in this tunnel, you can lead the way and remind me what the Afterlife is about again...I left my Marine there, lost...I should probably rescue him., but I’m too lazy to write much atm.
Also, should a radioactive bee fly by, I’ll shove you in its path. So get with the program and be stung already! We’re both not getting younger, especially not in steemit years. My retirement plan hinges on you staying alive and bloating to the size of a whale. I have the horrid old movie, “The Fly” in my head now. Poor you when it happens, and I never say this, since I’m no patriotic American, but I will sincerely ‘Thank you for your service!’ when I’m sleeping on a pile of Steem... ;)
My comics probably are not terribly entertaining unless you are a gamer or a beer trivia fan lol. But I am already planning my next comic which will have wider appeal.
You left your marine in the afterlife? Well many marines profess belief in "valhalla" the warrior's rest after Norse mythology. Personally I think it is more complicated... the marine in my story is still alive but without giving away the story's ending which is most likely still years in the future, he will end up facing the nature of death and existence itself and find a truth unlike anything anyone will be expecting.
Your retirement plan makes me think of a local billboard for a financial planning operation that says "your in-laws are not a retirement plan."
I think the fine print at the bottom might say "hoping for a friend to get stung by a radioactive bee and making both of you rich is not a retirement plan."
Then again, at this point in my life my retirement plan is assuming that I probably won't live long enough to need one so we'll see see whose is better.
Now that I'm starting to recognize your method of speaking and humor I don't think that you are flippant or insensitive although there was a brief moment when I might have =p
There are nuances in communication that vary between individuals ethnicities and different parts of the world and it takes time to recognize them and pays to not go jumping to conclusions.
I try to think the best of everyone which often leads to me getting screwed over but I have broad shoulders so I'd rather carry the hurt from misplaced trust than miss an opportunity to recognize a friend.
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Very nice drawing. I love it! 💜 💛 💙
Thanks man.
I can think of no more honest and valid reason for man to live without evil than the path you have taken. I respect you for that choice and would prefer men and women like you to those who adhere to standards of behavior because someone told them to.
Their faith has not been tempered by fire and water, and cannot be trusted to stand in the face of adversity.
Yours has.
You will.
I
Thanks for the read @Willymac
Part of me misses the day when matters of conscience were easy, and where "hope and faith" meant "inner peace and security."
But now that the "training wheels are off" per se, there is no going back.
No, you cannot go back. You cannot un-see what was seen.
You CAN go forward because your heart and mind have been clarified.
In this world, "inner peace and security" are artifacts once you have seen over the parapet.
There will always be, love, hope, and faith.
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