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Hello. Just Pretend I'm A Cougar -- Frrawrr!

_{Li'l Kitty, the smallest grown-up kitty you will probably ever see, standing in for me as a Cougar}

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Another Woodsy Soul

Awhile ago, the joyfully ubiquitous storyteller and my vundebar Steemit friend @generikat put out a story that would make your blood turn to ice. A re-telling of an encounter she and her brother had with a mountain lion, or cougar. What is truly fun here, is that the story was reportedly 'jangled loose' from her memory cells by one of our often lengthy, always entertaining conversations, disguised as comment streams. Something that I truly treasure and enjoy.

The Original GK Post Can Be Viewed Here: Generikat's Cougar

At the end of her post, she posed the following question:

What about you all, have you ever come across a cougar or another large wild cat? I would love to hear about it!

And since we've both spent a great deal of time messing about in the hills, dales, mountains and forests in our lifetimes, our stories often run along a parallel track.

There's Only ONE Thing To Do Here...

So, and in return, a bit of storytelling has been 'jangled about' in the cranial cobwebs on THIS side of the Steemit world. Thus, I thought I would toss a writing out into the pile of stories on the site. With further ado...

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A Very Green Forester Learns A Valuable Lesson

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Work We Go

I've had several sightings and run-ins with mountain lions or cougars (same cat), over the many years I've spent in the woods. The following event occurred fairly early-on in my 'lack of career' in the woods. (Story for another day). But this event, was the most memorable, and my closest encounter to date. Knock on a large piece of downed-wood really hard. Read on into my small adventure with the big cat, if so inclined.

Driving-The Most Hazardous Part Of Forest Work

The roads we drove while working in the woods were often narrow, winding gravel swaths, cut into the mountains and valleys 'however necessary' to keep the road slope at 15% or less. Usually with VERY long, scary vertical drops and no guard rails, and even steeper vertical cliffs above. And almost every road had a highly-limited sight distance around the tight corners of the road.

Driving alone in my green-fleet 'rig' (truck), looking for a particular stand of trees, I steered my way lazily around a sharp corner in the road. Suddenly, something moved out of the corner of my eye, causing me to glance up through the dusty windshield, high and to the right. There, on the vertical cut-bank above the road, stood the LARGEST cougar I'd ever seen. Zoo ridden, OR in the wilds.

I hadn't even slowed the truck yet, when the enormous cat suddenly leaped off the twenty foot high cut-bank in one, deft move, landed in the center of the road, then took one more serious bound to the edge of the road. The cat instantly vanished into the brush and thick dog-hair (small, dense trees), below.

Silent, Fast and Deadly

I'd never seen anything move that fast, particularly in full stealth-mode, in my entire existence. It hadn't made a sound I could detect. I slammed on the brakes as soon as the cat first landed, slid to a stop in the gravel, and in a second or two, had the road and surrounding forest to myself once more. It was all very very exciting. And eerily spooky and quiet.

Sitting and staring for a time out the driver's window at the small trees wafting in the breeze where the cougar had just disappeared, I waited for my heart to return to some semblance of normal. Then drove on, wending my way up around the next bend in the road. I finally stopped, and sat and had a typical chat with the only other person in the vehicle. Myself.

"What WAS that cougar doing up on the cut bank? Sitting on a kill? Stalking something? Just sunning itself ?" The inquiries came fast and furious. And I had absolutely NO answers for any of them. Thus, being the inquisitive type, I did the next best thing. I decided to investigate.

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Typical F.S. Road Cut-Bank

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Let's Hope The Cat Follows Standard, Mountain Lion Protocols

I parked the truck, tossed the chock-block under the back wheel, and wandered on foot back up the road. Cougars are generally quite afraid of people, particularly in this part of the country, where hunting is a common occurrence. Cougars are very smart animals. Any human encounter might mean getting shot. Often just for existing. Unfortunate, but a truism of this part of the world. So I was not particularly concerned with seeing the big cat again. I re-assured myself, "by now, the big kitty is long gone." I ambled on up the road.

As I rounded the sharp bend, I soon came into view of the area where I'd spotted the cougar, five minutes earlier. Lollygagging along, marveling at the forested views all around, I suddenly stopped DEAD in my tracks. My heart picked up the pounding pace where it had left off before. The cougar wasn't long gone! It was back. Standing in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!!!! Right where we last saw one another.

If You Were Any Less Smart, You Might Be Dumb

"What ARE you doing here?!"...was about all I came up with...to myself, of course. Not sure if the comment was directed at the cougar, or myself. But making ANY sound at this time, let alone idle, self chit-chat, was NOT a good idea*.

I was amazed. This seemed like VERY odd behavior. I could not see ALL of the great cat, only the back two thirds. And that was enough. The behemoth was just standing in the road, and appeared to be about four feet tall. And what a tail! It matched the rest of the cat. ENORMOUS. As big-around as my arm. Swatting away back and forth in a highly agitated state, like an annoyed house cat. A super-sized, VERY annoyed house cat.

Not surprisingly, the cougar looked even LARGER than our last encounter. Now that I was standing alone in the road, twenty feet away from this well-practiced, killing machine. Rather than in the safety of my four wheel-drive tin can. Only the tail moved, still swishing about in the fresh, mountain air, as I stood stark-still and pondered my next move.

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Most Excellent Theory Number One: "If The Cat Can't SEE You-The Cat Can't CHASE You"

I could not see the cougar's head, which I figured was a GOOD thing. Since that's where the all-important, prey-discovering eyes, ears and nose are located. And I was rapidly becoming the most easy prey in the area.

So he or she had not seen, heard or smelled me yet. At least in theory. The tail continued swatting away at the mountain air, suggesting the cougar was still highly annoyed at someone or something. Probably the guy that drove by in the green truck a few minutes back. My mouth was rapidly becoming the Gobi Dessert, and I could hear or feel my heart beating up in my ears. I couldn't tell which, and at this point, it didn't really matter.

Whatever You Do, DON'T Run!!

-- OK, How About If I Just SPRINT?!

I very S-L-O-W-L-Y walked backwards down the road, one foot at a time, around the steep corner. Every step I took in my heavy, 14" logger's boots was torture. The Vibramᵗᵐ heels and thick soles made a MASSIVE scrunch-scrunching sound in the loose gravel, that I was SURE could be heard all the way down in Boise, 182 miles away. It was a slow and excruciatingly stressful trip in reverse. Each moment, I fully expected to see the cougar come bounding around the corner, to take me down like a spindly, 180 pound lunch-Elk.

SO far, so good. I kept backing up, keeping my eyes on that sharp curve in the road as I went.

As soon as I could see my truck, I turned, took one more peek back over my shoulder, and headed off in a dead run. Yes, all the science suggests that when you see a cougar, the one thing NOT to do is run. This often triggers a chase response in the cat. As in: "Ooh, something to eat. I better go get it. "

But the good old human survival gene is a strong one. That whole Fight or Flight thing. In my case, flight usually wins out handily. As in "Run AWAY, Run AWAY! " The Face the cougar at all times and don't run mantra is a serious suggestion, that is very very easy to forget, even when good science supports otherwise. For some reason, the run away option just seems the path of least mental resistance.

Don't Run Over The Chock-Block Either

I ran like a mad dog back to my truck, jumped in as fast as I could, and slammed the door behind me. Didn't even take the chock-block out before getting in. Just maneuvered forward, then backed up, opened the door a crack, leaned out, grabbed the chock through the bottom of the door, and chucked it into the cab. I may have been dumb once, wandering around in the open air with a giant cougar, but ONLY once...

Time To Investigate Some More - LET'S Do A Windshield Survey This Time

Turning the truck around on the narrow road took a bit of time, after which I drove back around the curve in the road, to see if 'my' cougar was still there. It was gone. There was neither hair nor hide of it anywhere. Not even anything I could see up on the cut-bank.

Though I supposed it COULD have been back up there, where I first saw it. Hiding out. I will never know. I wasn't ABOUT to get out of the truck again, then climb up and take a look. I already made THAT mistake once. I figured providence was on my side that day, but might not be the most PATIENT virtue, when dealing with a person that doesn't learn so good.

I certainly didn't want to be reduced to local forest folklore, passed down from generation to generation, about the guy who got consumed walking up to the largest-known carnivore on the continent: "Just to see what was going on." Hollywood bases an entire genre of movie upon this very premise. I'm always yelling at my TV -- "DON'T go down the basement. In the dark. ALONE. Just to see what those giant green eyes behind the furnace are attached to!" Come on !!!.

Plus, the Internet now gives out those modern-day Darwin awards to folks that try out these sorts of things. Once. No, I'd rather remain anonymously NON-famous for some big event that never occurred.

At least I'm still AROUND, to write about it.

~ Finto ~

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Author's Note:
I'm fully convinced talking to myself, out loud, once saved me from a nasty run-in with a very large mother bear and her cub. A story for another day, but it fully suggests talking aloud to oneself out in the woods is not necessarily a bad thing.

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Stay Tuned For More Stories

Of Very Large Cats -Part II and Beyond

Also, the Hollywood Version (Poste Post Re-Write): Big Kitty Goes To Hollywood

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Thanks for stopping in and viewing the tale of a run-in with one of the Big Cats. If you have any thoughts about wildlife sightings, large carnivorous predators of the world , working out of doors, the pluses and minuses of running versus standing still, or anything else this post reminds you of, please feel free to comment away in the spaces below. I'd love to hear from you.

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Please UPVOTE, COMMENT and FOLLOW if you enjoy my works.

And go to @ddschteinn -- There's a whole lot more...

_{Posted: 06/13/2018 @ 13:34}

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Excerpts From Late-Night Conversations With A Mechanical Cat

Fact Number 76