There is no feeling as heavenly as crushing on a beautiful lady. To a considerably large extent; it has a way of distracting guys from the worries of singlehood, and giving them a virtual feeling of love that only exists in oblivion. When you are already thinking you've succeeded in pressing all necessary green buttons, the devil might just appear on the scene to pour sand into your plate of rice. You'll understand what I mean after you have seen the world from John's point of view - you can get crushed by your crush.

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John was a freshman in the university, and he came in with the strict orientation of his parents to mind his business and face only his studies; and being a very obedient boy, he heeded to their instructions until his path crossed with Agatha's path. On one of the days he was going to lectures from his lodge, out of oblivion, Agatha catwalked passed him, and that was the beginning of John's "crush" (if I will call it that).

Agatha was like the lily in the midst of thorny valley, and she stood as one of nature's most endowed creatures - with an abundance of the duo of arse and class, and an accent that can stun the devil. As she walked passed John, "holy shit!!" John screamed within himself; with his eyes opened beyond limits - no doubt, the angels have come down to us in the form of mortals. Do you remember this quote; ''love at first sight"? I'm sure they had John in mind when they made that up. For the first time in John's life, he fell in love, with Agatha's image reverberating in his mind even after she had gone.

John quickly ran some background checks and discovered that Agatha was a chorister with the campus fellowship, so he quickly indicated interest to join the fellowship. John knows absolutely nothing about music, but he had to deceived his mind that he would do well in music, so he ditched his art classes for music - because both classes coincided. Obviously, John has started to reason like someone under the spell of Medusa.

Every attempt made by John to get Agatha's attention seemed like he was sailing against the tide. He would take the boring choir class and even raised contributions he knew nothing about just to get Agatha's attention, but it looked like the attention was held in the traffic: you can imagine how depressed and disappointed he felt. This battle-royale continued for almost 1month, and just as he was about giving up, fate came to his rescue. Fate knows how to play chess with people's lives. Agatha was telling her friends that she's looking for someone to help her with a very difficult maths assignment, and John eavesdropped on the convo... Bingo!! John's time has finally come, because he eats maths like plantain pudding.

"Hey! I heard you're stuck with maths..." he stammered through. Agatha replied with a nod. "Erm, I'm John by the way,.." and before he could finish, she replied "I'm Agatha". They exchanged a firm handshake and John offered to help her with the assignment. Agatha gave him a smile and that was how she catwalked into John's life. She would visit John and vice verse: what started as maths assignment graduated to something beyond maths - if you know what I mean.

One day, Agatha visited John and she was feeling very hungry. John didn't have any cooked food in the house, so Agatha offered to put together a hasty meal so they'll eat; "that would be nice", John responded. In a couple of minutes, John was beholding a plate of "food" (I'm not sure I will call it food). What Agatha prepared would suffice more for a chemical reaction than food. What she claimed to have cooked was pasta, but what John was looking at looked more like salt than food. Do you remember those times our mums used to teach us how to cook? They'll always tell us "add salt to taste" - I'm sure Agatha skipped that part of the lectures, because the pasta may have been heavily inspired by the "Great Salt Pillars of Mesopotamia". Not to talk about huge pepper that stood out visibly from the food. Pasta used to be John's favourite cuisines, but each time he remembers pasta, he will reek of fear.

Well, John allowed this to slide because he felt it was a mistake, or she was just nervous because it was her first time of being to John's kitchen, or maybe we'll blame that on love. Love has a very subtle way of beclouding an adult man's sense of reasoning.

Another day, Agatha offered to cook for John again. Even though John wanted to refuse the offer because of the first experience, but he allowed love to reign again. She prepared Soya-beans pudding, but brethren, do you know the story of "the stones the builders rejected"? Those stones have been found, and they were present in John's food. After John's first spoon, he screamed "holy lamb!!", but love reigned yet again. Love can be senseless sometimes.

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The last straw that broke John's back was when he saw Agatha using soap to wash the tuber of yam she was about to cook, then he realized that his community witches have been singing blues with his name and fanning themselves with his destiny as hand-fan. The love quickly disappeared like snowball place in fire, and for the first time he asked Agatha "What doest thou!!!?". That was how John discovered that crushing on someone can get you crushed, and now he enjoys his singlehood.

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THE END

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