I TRIED TO MAKE AN COME-BACK BUT DAMN IM TOO INTO THIS DEEP LONELINESS
So actually i want to say that i am been so lonely with myself like a many years. I have been building my home, dreams and self-esteem. The last one is the toughest yet because i was thinking too much and got overburned. I tottaly got roasted, a burnt piece of shit. I think people hate me.
Depression is fucking pain in the ass... i fight this every day.
If i kill myself, nobody cares. So i am trying to make comeback by starting to feel something again. Maybe this stupid money will help me i dunno... i have lived like an hobo and it was my own choice, now i was thinking that maybe i start use money... you know, because there must be a limits... depression is taking over and i got to go deeper and deeper... neverending falling in my mind.
I cleaned my teeth, string them, brush them you know like always... and then i was like "SHIT, this must to stop. I am going to reset myselft. Fuck this...." , So i hosted a little party with some close friends and i was like feeling wanted again. But maybe it is just the money you know... people love it. They hate you when you are poor... so what can you do... well i think i might just bought a friendship with these people. I dunno.... i hope they like me anyways.
So @ the party you know... i noticed that damn i still chilling alone, on my own choice and a little bit because i did not have anything to discuss with people. I am fed up with ufo topics, financial... nobody wanted to talk about basil growing, spiritual awarness, fifth dimensional pathways.... so i just sitting there, trying to fit in...
And you know... at the end i didnt even finished this fucking bottle of some exclusive beer..... fuck i am going to take off this clothes and stuff i bought just for this party and put my head back in the sand... acting out as poor hobo. Cheers!
Can you imagine that someone that you might know on your family, keeping same secrets from you as i am doing do others with playing poor and dressing like a hobo in regular days. I AM GONE.
Having money doesn't solve your problems as it just a tool. It can clear the path and let you figure out how to deal with problems with out the worry of money and that alone is a lot.
We are always evolving mentally and seek new connection that gain our interest until we are done learning about that subject and ready to move on. Sometimes we change together while other times we change alone thus seeking new friends.
Great friendships are like family members, we don't have to agree on everything but have a foundation that you connected on for the long term. So always keep them close even if you don't see eye to eye on things.
Having friends that challenge you intellectually in a respectful way is another great friend to have even if you don't talk often, it keeps you sharp and on your toes. No one real answer and at the end of the day you have to pick what path to go on because we are all alone individuals in a group going the same direction just not down the same exact paths.
Keep having parties and invite people who you don't know if you would get along with or not because that's when you learn if you connect to someone is after you had a few drinks and relaxed.
You might feel alone but remember a good % of people feel this way and if they knew about the other people they would be talking about it and all of a sudden they are not alone. So connect and remember if people think ill about you that's because they are not connecting with you, that is their problem that they have to solve for them self.
Atleast i managed to get along with you. BTW, with just one day there has been so many new friends... all around discord, twitter and facebook... out of nowhere. Amazing.
This game is very fun. https://reurl.cc/9EGMj
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