Sentimental thoughts.
I was just cleaning out a drawer that had tons of stuff that had been piling up or that I hadn't seen in a long time and.. Was quite emotional seeing a bunch of things.
Amazing heartfelt letters from my family members, sentimental gifts.. Old pictures and it reminded me of the fact that even though I don't have much in life.. I'm extremely grateful to have such a loving family.
It's amazing how time flies.. I used to be this weird little kid who went to public school for a few years before I got pulled out and now I'm 35 years old and still weird, lol.. But.. Nowhere near where I feel like I should be.
I'm 7 years older than my father when we had me and 3 years younger than my mother, yes she is 10 years older than my dad. And.. She already had 3 other kids with another guy before I showed up, so.. I feel like a failure in some ways.
I only fell in love a few times and am pretty much still a virgin, they all gave up on me except one who passed away from a rare form of cancer and right now I'm so poor and dealing with so much psychological shit that I doubt I'll ever meet someone who will accept me.
Looking at old family pictures makes me really sad I wasn't able to do that and to have a family of my own. And I haven't given up yet.. Maybe I'll still meet someone and it'll still happen, though I have my serious doubts at times.. I'm not sure I'm capable of getting my life together enough in time.. I'm really messed up.
But.. Even if I'm not able to and it doesn't happen, there's still a lot of other things to be happy about in life. Family, friends, helping others, learning, games, animals, rain/snow, sunsets/sunrises, and many more things.
I'm so much older now and there's so much I wanted to do, yet.. I'm happy I got to do as much as I did.. Even if I died tomorrow at least I got to smile and laugh and play and get to know people and create some fond memories. :)
I'll keep trying and who knows what'll happen, though.. Right now I just wanna go hug my parents and then eat and sleep and get ready to face a new day.
I've been pretty depressed lately, however.. Maybe there's still time to turn my life around and make some good things happen before it's too late. <3
PS.. I sure was a cute lil kid before this world mostly destroyed me. And I still try to do good in the world even though I feel like I've been treated so poorly and ended up far from where I think I should be. At least there's that.. At least I can say I tried to help others a bunch and do many good things with much of my time on this plane.
Man I feel for your pain. It sounds really hard feeling that way. Its hard when things dont go the way that we planned or hoped for ourselves. It's probably all the more challenging if you also feel depressed. But I also admire your strength, resilience and gratitude and your overall outlook on life. I think that's a pretty awesome quality to have.
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Thanks for your empathy leaky20, appreciate it. And yeah, it sucks. But.. It could be worse. And maybe some day I'll pull out of it and I'll be able to help inspire others to not give up and to try to persevere through some of the challenges they face. Thanks for the nice words there, I appreciate it and your friendly support. You're a good friend, hope all is going well in your world!
Good morning apolymask, there is always time to take a new path, to turn a new corner, to turn one's lie around. I am sending positiveness to you with healing light.
You were a cute little boy, a lovely blond haired boy.
Good evening angiemitchell. I'm not sure if there's"always" time, but I do feel like I still have time. I haven't given up yet it just seems pretty difficult and overwhelming sometimes. Hopefully I can still turn my life around though and I appreciate your positivity and the healing light you sent. :) Much love to you.
I believe you are not a failure. At times some memories can be hghly emotionally painful but whatever we should not let the situation we found ourselve in to pull us down. I believe you are strong, you are unique and you are special
That was really nice of you to say adenijiadeshina. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. I will do my best to stand strong and not let these things pull me down, easier said than done.. But I will try my best!