un-Safe head-Space (Comedy Open Mic, Round #17)

in #writing6 years ago

It’s fun, trying to be noticed and profound and loved, when you can’t talk to people.

Correction.

It’s fun, etc., etc., when you’ve forgotten how to talk to people.

Let me give you an example.

See? That was a great example! Nobody says “Let me give you an example” outside of middle school composition class.

Something is horribly wrong.

Here’s how a recent conversation went recently:

Me: [Walks in.]
Person from my Past, and by Past, I mean two years ago. Maybe: Hi!
Me: [Walks back out.]

Nah, for real though. I get insane anxiety when I see someone from my past. Or, like, anyone that knows me to any degree. I saw my “best friend’s” (I looked up best friend in Wesbter’s, and it didn’t say “1. Jerk. 2. Talk about you behind your back,” so I must’ve been using the term flippantly) mom at Walmart and, God bless her, she’s sweet, but she had no clue I hadn’t talked to her son in two years and neither did I want to. And, honestly, being confronted with any reminder of high school had me really high strung, and I was secretly praying that God would come back for His children so the conversation would end.

I flipped out on my whole family by the end of that day.

I’ve had entire panic attacks because I saw characters from my trashy, sci-fi pulp novel of a past, and it sounds super pathetic. It probably is. But listen, this is what I’ve become. I used to smile at everyone and want to talk and listen to people and now I realize that people suck and I think I do too. Maybe.

But n o w it has spread to people I don’t know!

Yay!


I went to an LGBT safe-space coffee shop/comic shop/bookstore with my friend Ricky. I honestly didn’t know what to expect because I’d never been to a “space” before. I was pretty excited, because I usually only get along with people who are at least a little gay, but it’s only Ricky and the cashier.

21314687_211522699384031_4588689434704061409_n.jpg
This is where we went, even though it's in a new location and I don't remember seeing a bathroom.

The cashier is nice enough. The shop is small, and had a rack of zines that I raided because, frick, I thought zines were just for people who, like, didn’t live in the dirty south like I do.

Ricky brought his computer, so he worked on art submissions, and I read a newspaper article about a guy who was a fascist and turned anarchist. He never really mentioned getting over his xenophobia, which kinda bugs me, but that’s okay. Everyone’s a work in progress, even though I feel like whoever has been working on me this whole time is Union, and they’ve taken a 10 year long coffee break.

Okay, point of this story, Ricky and this cashier start talking about cartoons, like Avatar and Spongebob and stuff, which I know a little about, but not enough fresh information to be in the conversation. So I sat and kinda fumed over not being attractive or fun like Ricky and politely listened to them banter back and forth about cosplay.

By the time I got home, I’d cooled off, and not just because it was summer and my A/C sucks.

See? That’s awful. My friend was having a great time, and I couldn’t because I can’t get over the fact that people just don’t like me. Put me up next to a picture of a traffic cone, and everyone ever picks the traffic cone, because at least it makes them late for work.

I don’t know why I’ve become this way or why I’m telling any of you about it. Geez, get a life.

~

Um. Whatever this was, I hope you enjoyed it?

I nominate @idenkcall and @comedyopenmic. Just to see what happens.

Goodnight?

God bless?

<3?

Sort:  

I’m not sure if it’s funny but then, as my wife can attest, I’m the wrong person to ask about what ‘normal’ people laugh at. It is real, thoughtful, and just a tiny bit dark. So I’d rate this as a good start, at a minimum.

FYI, I think the #comedyopenmic community is full of people who other people don’t like - or who think that (or a bit of both), and I count myself in that category. So in entering this competition, you are in good company (or bad, depending on how you look at it). You should stop by our discord channel sometime if you haven’t already (or not, whatev’s).

Yeah what...

Oh never mind

You guyyyyyysssss.

I didn't know y'all had a discord channel O.o

yeah what he said

Yeah. What he said

People don't like me? But I'm a barrel of fun. Aren't I? Shit, am I one of those people?

I missed seeing your entries buddy. Oh jeez, you might be mad i used that word. Next time, punch that bathroom wall. It looks horrible.

Aww, thanks. I honestly don't know if that was the bathroom or the front door...

Caleb,

Nice to see you back in our fold.

is it anxiety that kept you away? if so, fear not. Comedy Open Mic is full of us strangers

No, it's just been time and, um, stress? Depression? Busyness?

I'm glad to be among strangers again :D

Goodnight and God bless fam lol

Iz my thang! I can't leave it!

Well, I kind of know how you feel and yes, people probably don't like you because you're sort of, kind of, okay maybe totally or slightly absolutely an asshole.

By the time I got home, I’d cooled off, and not just because it was summer and my A/C sucks.

I can relate. Great entry.

Thank you! Yeah, I can relate too.

Great post, @caleblailmusik. Although I refuse to laugh at your anxiety, I did laugh out loud at the part where you secretly prayed God would come back for His children so the moment would end. Who hasn’t felt that way? Anyway, you know I think you’re the bee’s knees, and hey we get along pretty well even though I’m not even a little bit gay.

Not even a little?

Huh.

I guess it's because you haven't had the coughs fortune of seeing me in person :P

I’m pretty sure we would get along fine even if you do cough in the middle of a sentence!


This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.

Woah! Cool! Thanks!

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