Writing @dreemsteem

in #writing5 years ago

Hello guys so I want to become a better writer as you know I’m a terrible writer my grammar, structuring all the techniques are non existent but after some kind words an advice from the legend herself the one and only @dreemsteem so let’s get into the story that she helped me write.

It was late in the afternoon, just before the light of day started to change. I had been sitting on the couch looking for something to do, and found myself reading silly stories on the internet.

Somehow, I began clicking on stories that were suspenseful. It was fun, but I lost track of time. By the time, I looked up, the sun had set and I could barely see the trees outside.

I started to feel uncomfortable, like someone was watching me. Chills started to creep up my back as I began tentatively looking into the shadows beyond my window.

Just then....

SO THAT WAS ALL HER SHE STARTED IT OFF FOR ME

So here’s my part...

Just then I hear banging at the front door before I even move I hear more banging this time from the back door. I scramble looking for a place to hide I jump down to the floor underneath the window the banging still continuing.

now I can here a scream as the seconds go by the louder it gets crawl to the telephone I quickly dial 911 as as the operator picks up I get a static noise then silence all the power in my house has gone out before I have time to turn around the door falls from its frame.

a tall man with eyes as red as fresh blood enters and just stares at me he doesn’t say a word just stares at me and slowly he starts to smile and the more I stare the bigger he smiles.

I run to the back door his smile drops he runs at me I opened the back door just in time but I was pushed back by another tall Man I fell and hit my head I felt extremely dizzy.

I was being carried by them both towards a van when I here a siren they drop me and run for it but I manage to grab one mans leg and delayed him for a few seconds that was enough for the cops to get him and take him down as I am side by the am officer to stand up the man said nothing didn’t even resist being arrested just stared at me like I was lifeless they took him away but his eyes felt like they never went after the officer drove away I felt huge relief I felt safe.

AND THATS MY PART OF THE STORY

Was is bad? Most definitely

Was it good? Nope

Why did I do it ? Because @dreemsteem said so and she gets what she wants

Will I do this again ? Absolutely she will make me 🤣

Thank you so much for reading I’d love to hear your guys feedback so do give some all feedback is welcome as long as it’s HONEST

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Yes you are dreemy 🤫

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you are now
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WOW!
LOVE how this comes together... very nice. and so good to work with a partner!

Thank you bluefin 😀 hopefully my partner will help even more

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Congratulations!


This post has been granted a 100% upvote, courtesy to @Ting! 😎🎵🎤🎶💡#9074, from BlissFish!
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Ooh, story telling is getting better. The emphasis on the smile gave it a nice touch. Keep up the story telling! 😄

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Hahahhahaa it wasn't bad! Everyone grows with practice!

Hehe and yep... I will be looking forward to.more! 🤗

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Great how wonderful 😢 🤣 I’ll write another one soon 😜

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hehehehe of course i have already been here - but i have to come back since i got to present it for you on #pypt!!! hehehehe

we will keep trying and working together! :)

Yes we will keep working together 😃 thank you so much

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Thank you so much for being an awesome Partiko user! We have just given you a free upvote!

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Found your post from the #PYPT show. I feel like this is the beginning of some amazing writing to come and you can only grow and get better and better.

You are so lucky to have a writing mentor to help push your writing in the right direction so don't stop writing....write, write, write!!

Have you heard about the free program Grammarly? It's a free app for desktop or mobile that assists with suggesting grammar and fixing up some punctuation and spelling errors? I find it super helpful!

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heh... thanks for sharing on #pypt.

The change of style in writing was quite obvious there :D

One thing I'd say is: Make shorter sentences and use more punctuation. I found it a bit confusing to digest the statements in your own part as compared to @dreemsteem's intro. While your part did, for the lack of sentence structure, convey some of the action and emotion of the intense and frightening encounter, I did find it a bit hard to follow.

Yes, he knows he struggles with grammar so this is something we are working on. But for now, I'm just trying to get him writing more to build up his writing muscles hehehe

But he did a great job continuing the story, didn't he? 😊

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heh... yeah... weird stuff... i like the x-files :D

the lack of punctuation always made it feel like a stylistic choice there for the action-scene... also made it a tad hard to read, though!

Yeah, he will get there! :). Periods are a must.

He knows this! Hehehe and has started to add them. So it will be cool to see him growing, post after post!

Fun to look back after a year and see the changes that have made him a better writer!

I love seeing the changes in my style over the years.. literally just finished writing the sequel to Fireflies last night and I'm blown away at how good I think it came out!!!

Definitely can't say that.for my early stuff hehehe

But we all start somewhere! The passion has to be stoked and muscles worked.. just like any hobby. Hehe

Thanks for encouraging him though!!! I'm sure he will love to hear that it reminded you of x-files! That show used to make my hair stand up! 😂😂😂

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sounds like it's time for #dreemmademedoit tag
nice job @christ-the-batman

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