Teaching My Children That "Someday" Can Come Today.
I grew up with my mother standing over me, telling me I would never finish anything in life because when I was in the 1st grade, I hated Cheer Squad and quit.
Every time I wanted to join a club, take up an instrument or write a story, she held that over me like an iron hammer, nailing in her words. I will never succeed, I will always quit. I will always fail. An action I took at 7-years-old, lorded over my head for life.
I have struggled against that upbringing for most of my life. I am not who she told me I am. Over, and over, and over again. And I have always tried to do better by my kids. I encourage them and tell them they can do anything they really want to do.
But, with our situation in life being what it is, I'm realizing that I am guilty of "someday". And I use it when I talk with my kids, a lot.
"Someday we will get out of the shelter and into a home." (Success on that one!)
"Someday we will save enough to get a car."
"Someday we will save enough to have land and a place that we own. No more renting."
"Someday we will have a garden again."
"Someday we will have an animal sanctuary and rescue farm animals from those who would kill them."
And on and on ad infinitum. So many dreams to work toward. So many wishes and wants and hopes.
It's infectious. And I've noticed that I have passed "someday" on to my children. I only just keyed into this issue a few days ago. Really noticed what I was doing.
I'd thought I was being supportive. They would say things they want to do when they grow up, and I would totally be on board with it. Asking follow up questions or maybe pulling up a quick video on the subject for them.
"When I grow up I am going to invent rocket boots so I can fly." -Inari
"When I grow up I'm going to be a wayfinder, and have baby horses." -Sparrow
"When I grow up I'm going to have a great big farm and save all the pigs. Cause I love pigs." Little Willow.
So, obviously some of these cannot happen today. These somedays are things I can guide them toward as they grow. Help them learn what they need to learn in order to achieve those long term goals.
But there are other things. Things they could do right now that because of my mindset, they feel these are "someday" things.
"Someday I want to make beautiful art out of all of dis stuff. But not until I'm a gwown up."
"Someday I want to write stories. I just love writing so much!"
"Someday I want to make a game. See? I wrote out how I want it to go."
The game is what got me. What made me realize what I have been allowing to happen. It's what told me I've been failing as their facilitator. Before last fall, we unschooled. It was my job to get them what they needed to learn about what they were interested in.
Since I had to enroll them in public school this year, I haven't been doing that.
My boy wrote a 13 page story with it's own world and society. But he thinks he has to wait until he grows up to write it.
I have infected them with this pessimistic view of the world that tells them they are currently helpless to do the things they aspire to do.
How do I fix this? I'm not 100% sure. But I will help them however I can, and I will work on changing the way I speak and think.
I will teach them that the best time to start is right now.
Life is waiting for the one who loves to live... ~Sonata Arctica
Today I got Inari signed up for a 1-week STEM robotics summer camp. That will help him with his goal of learning to make his own rocket boots and all sorts of other "I wanna build..." dreams he has expressed. Gotta start somewhere!
I am looking into a program for Sparrow and Little Willow that will get them on a horse this summer. It's a volunteer program, my volunteer hours will pay for their riding.
And art, I can do basic art, I'm pretty decent with sketches, actually. We'll work on it together.
Don't give up on your dreams. Follow your interests. Even if they don't make your living, they make life worth living.
What's your favorite hobby? What dream do you follow? What's standing in your way?
Oh my gosh, your mother and my mother were besties. My mom signed me up for swimming class - twice - knowing I was terrified beyond all reason of water (because my father had nearly drowned me at age three). When I very predictably panicked and quit, that was held over my head in the same way - "you quit everything." I quit what I never wanted to do in the first place, yes. I also quit band, admittedly, but a) I was out sick for one week, the week the teacher apparently explained how to read music, and he never explained it to me after, so, frustrating - and b) I didn't get to play the instrument I really wanted to play because it was too expensive to rent. And again, I was 8. But "you're a quitter" and refusal to do things for that reason ever after. "You're a waste of money" was another mantra.
And besides - kids are supposed to experiment. How else are they to find what lights their fire in life?
So, what kind of game? Board game, I recommend getting a big cardboard and colored pencils. We totally did that as teens. Computer game, I'd bet there are teach-kids-to-code type programs, but I don't know about cost. GREAT work on the STEM camp and horse riding!!
My gods, I thought my mother was some form of evil anamoly!
I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of childhood, too. And I totally agree! Learning an instrument is great for development, but not every kid is going to seize on it and excell and have a passion for it.
How will a kid know what they love if they're limited to picking one thing and forced to stick with it on pain of monotony for life?
Exactly. Kids should be encouraged to try lots of things, so they can find their passion!