Write about the you within you

I think this is the forth time I'm trying to write an article on this lazy but beautiful Tuesday. I deleted the last three articles because they were fairly... mediocre. I realized I wasn't exactly saying anything in them. I was just using words to share a bunch of unformed ideas that were stagnating in my mind for some weird reason.

Out of frustration, I stopped writing and I started looking around my room, searching for some pants and ordering a few things. I did manage to order stuff, but I could not find the pants I wanted. It's sad, because I kinda liked those pants. Doesn't matter.

While I was doing all that, I started noticing little things inside my room, things that were there before, but suddenly, started having meaning. The easiest way for me to explain why they started having meaning is by saying that I suddenly started asking myself "Why the hell did I leave that plate there?"

That's when I realize that while writing about external things may be fun, writing about yourself, the one within you, can be a lot more interesting to other people. When I say "the one within you", I mean the one that makes all the choices, the one you ignore, the one that works without you even knowing.

Let's go back to my plate - I have a plate in my room. It's sitting on an agenda, and next to it is a chocolate. Then there's my wallet, some chewing gum, some pills, a few tissues, my headphones, some other agendas, pens, more agendas, and a few notebooks.

Why is that plate there? I mean, everything kinda matches with everything, except the plate and the chocolate.

The best answer to that question I think is that last night I ate something that I placed in the plate, and because I have another similar thing to eat, I decided to keep the plate in my room, instead of putting it in the kitchen, in order to save a little bit of time. At least that's why I think the plate is in my room.

Such a little detail made me realize something about myself that I didn't think about this morning - I'm lazy. I don't like living in filth, but if I can keep a plate or a glass of water in my room in order to avoid visiting the kitchen 10 times in 2 hours, then I'll do it.

And I'm sure that if I'll start analyzing more things either around my room or within my computer, I'll be able to come up with more explanations about why I do certain things.

For example, why am I playing games like The Witcher 3? Is it because they are visually pleasing? Is it because of the combat system? No, it's because I love really good stories that have characters I can relate to. Funny enough, I can often have feelings for characters within games and movies that I cannot have for real human beings. That could be one of the reasons I love RPG games in general.

But then, why did I decide to download and play Apex Legends? Is it because it's a new game? Is it because it's a shooter? No, those things don't attract me that much.

It is, however, the adrenaline. The game is fast, the game requires a lot of focus, and it requires quick reflexes if you want to win or at least kill a few enemies. More than 10 minutes into the game means you'll have to be really focused on every little detail, you have to move quick and you need to think fast.

Adrenaline. That's why I liked some shooters, even when I lose.

And that's just the beginning of it.

If I were to analyze and talk about every little thing within my room and within my computer, to think about why I like certain things, why I play certain games, why I read certain articles or books, I think I'll be able to write the longest article I could ever write.

That's because usually, the person within us, is interesting. I'm talking about the one we never think about. I'm talking about ourselves. We make decisions, we enjoy all kind of weird things, we laugh at something and we cry at something else. We're interesting even when we're boring, if we look well enough at ourselves.

That's why, sometimes, when you cannot find something to write about, something existing in the external world, then it may be a good idea to look at yourself, within you, and think. You never know what you may find. And you never know who may find it interesting.