DISPROVING THE MYTH: Everything’s A Sex Toy

In this modern world of over sexualized advertisements, television shows and musical performances it’s not an uncommon worry among today’s parents that everything in the house can be used as a sex toy.

Having it’s roots in the violence charged karma of a London prison, the toothbrush, invented by then inmate William Addis is one the most phallic items to be found in the household. It is regularly encouraged to be an intimate item, advertised on TV, by sexy models inserting it in and out of their mouth and smiling as if aroused.

Years after it’s invention, doctor’s claimed to be ever improving the object by giving it a vibrating function, to assist “patients with limited motor skills.” [1] However, as we know from the annals of history, vibrators in all of their forms have forever been linked to the filthy act of sexual pleasure. Lazy hygiene professional and obvious pervert, Dr. J. Mortimer Granville patented an electronic vibrator to assist with the “physically demanding work” of treating women’s hysteria with pelvic massage and orgasm.

So is it not surprising that the industry of jamming phalluses in your mouth would jump at the chance to make their product even more sexual. Of course they would. And thus, in 1954, Dr. Phillip Guy Woog of the morally bankrupt Switzerland, invented the electric toothbrush. A vibrating organs machine, so OBVIOUSLY for the purpose of sex within mere years of it’s advent, shy perverts, rightfully ashamed to take their dedicated vibrators onto plains, have given over to instead carrying with them over priced, and over sexed vibrating toothbrushes, finally cementing the audacity of the industry.

As recently as 2015, police were called to the house of a New Mexico woman, who was later charged with the assault of her mother with a “sexual weapon.” [2] During an altercation, the woman struck her mother with a vibrator and then fled the scene with the object, where it was found in the floorboard of her truck (having possibly been used by the violent deviant after the arousal of the altercation.)

All this to say: If a vibrator is a weapon, and an electric toothbrush is a vibrator; then we must protect ourselves from our children’s toothbrushes.

So, is everything a sex toy? Mostly. 

Unless it’s also a weapon.

Stay vigilant.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_toothbrush

[2] https://www.mystatecollegelawyer.com/2015/01/assault-with-a-sexual-weapon-daughter-hits-mother-with-vibrator/