Firefly

I often use the words, "Life is alive and interactive" when describing the magic that we are literally swimming in on a daily basis. I haven't had a particularly 'easy' life - it's been quite difficult at times - however, these moments in life have always been sprinkled with an added layer of seemingly miraculous events that defy human logic. They've given me a wider lens and deeper perspective on how this whole 'life' thing works! Perhaps they are little cracks in the superficial canvas that we accept as the ordinary, but more so, I think they are always there just waiting for us to open our minds and hearts long enough to grasp this extraordinary layer to life. I've had so many of these events from an early age (some mildly amusing and some extraordinarily profound), that I've become accustomed to them. I welcome them!

It's with the above, that I bring you this story of one of these 'alive and interactive' moments. Mild in comparison to others I've had, but none the less, a sweet reminder of the 'something more' that we are always swimming in.

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It was a balmy, humid evening in the throws of a typical southern summer ~The twilight hour between daylight and dark. I stepped outside with my dogs for their evening romp before bedtime and from my peripheral vision, noticed some movement. When I turned to look, I saw that it was a little firefly caught in a spider's web, desperately and frantically spinning to free itself. Its light was pulsing and flashing so rapidly. The sight of this was so unsettling and powerful. It was like he was sending out a distress signal!

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I didn't want to see this! How horrifying! Nature can be so barbaric. His little light pulsed on - illuminating the web of his demise. And there it was, the spider - carefully crawling towards this little creature of light - No! I quickly turned away. My mind now spinning with the firefly's plight.

For a moment I stood there evaluating what was occurring and the right or wrong of the possibility of my intervention. I couldn't believe how much this was affecting me. Normally, I would have no second thought about saving the little firefly but I just had a discussion with someone about this very topic not too many weeks prior.

Is it right to intervene on behalf of something or someone when there is a natural cycle to life and you are actually causing harm to one over another?

It was a valid point and something that had been consuming my thoughts for these few weeks. And yet here I was, having a living example of that valid point. Was the firefly's life more meaningful than the spider's? This is the natural process of nature, after all. Maybe I shouldn't interfere.

But I LOVE fireflies!

In my mind, I started remembering the fond memories of chasing fireflies as a child. There were so many! Unfortunately the last 10 years, they have become less and and less common. Perhaps this is a good enough reason to save the firefly? And with that thought, unexpectedly, a most disturbing memory entered my mind out of nowhere (or the 'something more'). A memory of a very selfish thing I did with fireflies. I remember it bothering and haunting me for years! Somehow, I eventually buried that memory until this moment.

I had chased and gathered an entire jar of fireflies but instead of freeing them as I always did, I decided to sacrifice them to write my name on the sidewalk in glowing glory. By a few letters into this selfish act, I found myself crying with deep sadness at what I had done. It was so intense that the feeling would not leave my heart for YEARS. It was a horrible thing to do considering that I had always cared very deeply about all living creatures - I was the child that gave rose petal funerals for every deceased butterfly and bug I found. So, why did I do this?!

I must save the firefly!

In this moment, the little firefly fighting for its life in the web, became all the fireflies contained in that jar that day and I had on overpowering feeling to save this firefly to right a wrong done so many years ago. This would be a karmic healing for both of us. I felt that saving him was not only justifiable but necessary! ;) I quickly scooped him out of the web and laid him in the palm of my hand. His little wings were frayed from his struggle. I very meticulously removed all the threads of web from his little body and legs one at a time like a seasoned surgeon of compassionate do-goodness. "Hello little guy, you can fly away now.", I whispered.

Stillness.

He looked stunned and barely holding onto life laying there in the palm of my hand. His little glowing life-force now slowed and pulsing once every half a minute. Was he dying? I watched and waited with bated breath for each pulse of his light until it became weaker in its glow and up to a minute in-between. Deep sadness crept in as tried to accept the inevitable 'not so happy ending' to this story. "No, no little guy....please don't die...please live...I am so sorry!", I pleaded, as if I was tempting fate. Yes, as if the intention in my heart could possibly re-write this ending.

But was I being selfish again? Maybe. Wanting this firefly to live so I could be released of my own feelings of remorse and karma.

I sat with him in my hand for another 30 minutes watching while accepting and thinking about the 'miracle of life'. Other than this firefly's little light letting me know that he was still alive, there wasn't any other signs. He simply laid there lifeless without a single movement...even when I tried gently blowing on him. His frayed wings and body just simply rocked as if he were an inanimate object...stiff.

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It was now fully dark outside and my dogs were patiently waiting on me from the other side of the french doors, staring at me in confusion. Accepting that the firefly was probably not going to live, I looked for a place to leave him overnight. I didn't want to leave him on the ground because surely he would be eaten by a bird or frog.
I took a pine needle and set him on the ends cradling his body and I planted the other end of the pine needle in the earth. "I leave the choice up to you whether to stay or go, but I hope that if you choose to leave, that it will be peaceful....and if, by some miracle, you choose to stay, please let me know that you are okay."

The next morning, I let my dogs out to do their business and sat down in my chair to finish waking up. No sooner than sitting down, I saw a bug coming towards me full throttle! Of course, this isn't out of the ordinary living in the south - it's a bug's paradise! However, it wouldn't be a pleasant morning if it started off with a wasp sting. I could clearly see that whatever bug this was meant business! Its velocity and targeted trajectory was definitely meant for ME! Yet, (squinting my eyes through the bright morning sun) it was too small to be a wasp. A yellow jacket? I stood up to ready myself for a quick run inside. However, as it got closer, I could see that it was neither.

Curiosity got the best of me (or stupidity!) and I delayed my escape to see what it was. As it got closer, it slowed down to a hover right in front of me at eye level. Focusing my eyes, I was astonished to see it was a firefly!!!

But a firefly in the daytime?!

In my adrenalin-filled brain mixed with grogginess, I suddenly remembered the previous evening, "...and if, by some miracle, you choose to stay, please let me know that you are okay." Could it be? Searching for the pine needles I placed the night before, I saw that the firefly was no longer there.

No, this couldn't be. Such a silly thought, but...I have never seen a firefly in the daytime?

As I am a rational-minded adult (however, believer in 'something more'), I briefly entertained the possibility that the little guy had heard me and followed through. That is, until that ever-present mind-dance between left/right brain and internal dialogue ensued the rest of the day. "That is ridiculous! Bugs don't interact with people." What a downer - adulthood constraint - a logical drag-net where possibilities go to be dismantled by critical thinking. Nah! This is merely a coincidence!

By that evening, I had completely dismantled and accepted the fact that bugs don't communicate outside their species. ;) I also concluded that bugs don't hear humans having some emotional crisis over some memory of a guilt from decades past. Of course! To think otherwise would be ludicrous and crazy. In fact, the firefly I thought I saved, probably did die during the evening and the wind or bird or frog took him from his resting place. See...I'm an adult with superb logical and critical thinking skills!

There is always 'something more'

With that, I took the dogs out to the backyard for their last romp before bedtime. It was another balmy evening with the last semblances of daylight quickly disappearing through the trees. The frogs and crickets were already started their evening musical ritual when I heard a buzzing by my ear. A mosquito? I flapped my hand to shew it away only to catch a light coming from the direction of my left shoulder. A firefly!

Bye, bye critical thinking!

I could hardly contain my excitement! So much for my adult logic and critical thinking - I was instantly transformed to my childhood-self again...talking to bugs. "Hi little guy!" Strange, I didn't see any other fireflies in sight. Hmmmm "You wouldn't happen to be that firefly from last night, would you?" I laughed to myself over the comedy of the situation. "Well, if you were that firefly, would you mind showing me by flying to my finger so I can get a better look at you?" I raised my right index finger up (still testing the possibility of 'something more') and he immediately flew to it.

Okay, so I don't always have everything figured out. Nor am I capable of explaining this experience with my adult logic, but my oh my that light was bright and beautiful! So bright that it lit up the end of my nose. I was moved to tears and giggling at the same time.

The only words I could think of to say was, "Thank you". I raised my finger and set him free (freeing myself and that jar of fireflies with him).

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In A Flash: Firefly Communication

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpywSqvXDqc

Fireflies communicate with a “language of light” that scientists still don’t completely understand. James Lloyd and Marc Branham of the University of Florida, Gainesville, discuss unique flash patterns and times for some of the 2,000 types of fireflies that light up the summer nights.

Firefly Watch Map: [https://www.massaudubon.org/get-involved/citizen-science/firefly-watch/view-explore-data]

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Thank you for reading my story. I hope it put a little 'something more' in your day.

I love reading your comments and feedback. Your support and upvotes are always appreciated.

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This amazing and beautiful art was done by @charisma777 - I just love it!