5 common mistakes people make when they are trying to help others.

Giving advice before the person is ready for advice. The first step of helping is trying to figure out what kind of help the other person is looking for: empathy, a sounding board, problem-solving, etc.

Assuming the other person is bought into a plan you’ve helped them create without checking. For instance, some health coaches will make an elaborate exercise plan and give it to a client without checking that the client both intends to follow it AND believes it will succeed.

Jumping to conclusions about what’s going on. One time, when a friend asked for advice, I gave terrible advice because I misunderstood their situation. Start with open-ended questions to deeply understand the nature of the challenges. Understanding must precede advising.

Being an enabler. The “nice” thing is to give someone what they ask for. The way to be most helpful, though, is to notice if what they ask for is hurting them, and explain you won’t do it because you care about helping them too much, and offer other ways you can help.

Lightgassing. This is my term for the opposite of gaslighting. Light gassing is when you agree with or validate someone’s false beliefs in order to be supportive. You can still be supportive and empathize without encouraging/rewarding false beliefs.