Am i guilty of this offense ? - The question of a 17 year old abused girl

A lot of times we smile through the bullshit. We laugh and act like nothing is happening because we are strong and the world only knows us from the outside.

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In our closet we cry, truly we know our pain is neglected. Everyone looks at us but can't see the wounds we are nursing. The burden we carry in our hearts are tearing us apart, yet we stay strong, pray to our maker to take the pain away

I have heard stories, i have known girls who suffer from in-house abuse and molestation from those they look up to and trust so much. I am a victim too. It is usually their step fathers, it is their uncles, teachers, and some, their biological fathers. But what does the world have to say when we try to tell our stories?

We are being called liars, hoes, wicked souls and are mocked by those who are meant to help us. And we ask ourselves; Did we do the wrong thing trying to seek for help ? Would it have been better if we had just shut our mouths and let these harassment continue, while we suffer and cry in pain? With only the walls seeing our tears ?

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I am talking to myself and contemplating. What is the way out of this mess. Should i go get a gun and shoot him ? Should i poison him ? Should i continue to give in or should i commit suicide. But i need to do something. Be it for good or for bad. I have seen the worst already and if the world can't help me, then i must help myself.

Then i am sleeping on my bed alone. Dreaming of him that i love, though we have never spoken in the physical but this is him in my dreams. He is making me laugh so hard and it feels so real. No one should wake me up from this dream. This is all that i want, thoughts so good and away from the world.

Then i feel thick old hands in my panties. I jumped up from my bed and my beautiful dream. Here he is again trying to molest and sexually abuse me! It is my step dad!! I looked at the time and it was just a few minutes past 1 a.m. Get out of my room i screamed! Leave me alone you shameless idiot i yelled at him.

He wouldn't listen, he wouldn't leave me alone. Instead he stretched out his hands and tried to grab my boobs. I gave him a dirty slap, spat on him and so he decided to get physical with me. Tonight i was strong enough, i was ready to fight off this pervert i said to myself.

As he tried to raise his hands to strike me, i built up all the strength i had and pushed him to the wall. He hit his head against the bricks and fell to the floor. I was relieved. I thought he lost consciousness, i felt he fainted. But it was far more than that. I reached out and tried to resuscitate him but he wasn't breathing.

I put my hands on his chest and it wasn't beating. He was dead! I looked at his nose and there was blood running out. My mom walked in and saw her husband lying dead on the floor. What happened to him ?? You wicked child, she screamed at me. He tried to rape me so i fought him off and he hit his head on the wall i said to her.

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Liar! Liar! She screamed. You killed him!!
I am calling the cops right away she said. You are going to jail for the rest of your miserable life. These are the words that proceeded out of a mother's mouth to her 17 years old daughter. She's to blame for all that has happened because she totally neglected me and trusted her husband so much that she couldn't read between the lines.

Let me ask the world this question. Am i guilty of this offense? Would i deserve a life sentence?