Rantings of a gifted idiot

This one's for the slackers, the visionless, the hustleless. The gifted idiots who's potential lay painfully dormant.

I know how hard it can be to scroll through your social media feeds and realize that somewhere along the way, somewhere on your journey to whatever dream you once held, you just got stuck. For reasons unknown to you, your life just appears to be broken without any hope of fixing it. After all, you don't even know what it's supposed to look like. All you know is that it needs to be different, better, smarter, more full. It's crazy how unprepared I was for life as a budding adult. I mean, being a kid and then a teenager sucked balls but at least I knew how to navigate it and I knew exactly how I was going to make it better. I had my plan all worked out; get into a good college, get my degree, pursue a Masters and after that I was going to get my PhD which would launch my career as a world renowed scientist and overall genius!

But as you may have already guessed, it didn't quite turn out that way. I mean sure I have two bachelors degrees and one Masters degree from an Ivy league university but when I graduated, I had very little to show for it. Here I was, able to produce a paper on the intricacies of human cognition overnight ( a paper for which I received an A by the way), give advice to teachers on how to structure a curriculum to best promote sustained learning in their students, yet I had no idea what the difference was between gross and net salaries or how to file my taxes for that matter. To be completely honest with you I'm still not 100% certain about the latter.

I just felt so incompetent. They teach you to go to school, get good grades, get a good job, this will lead you to a good life. Well, I always knew that I didn't wan't the limitations that come with a 9-5 job. No, no. When I graduated, I was going to become a researcher and go into business for myself. Never mind that I had no idea what product or service I would sell or that I had no starting capital whatsoever. I just knew that I wanted to be in complete control of my time and energy and no corporate job was ever going to give me that. On top of that, everything I thought I knew about myself was either untrue or just the tip of the iceberg. Every day I discover something new about me. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and more often than not, some ugly, basic ass flaw rears it's head.

Don't get me wrong, I am not at all ungrateful for my life. I have a job, a place to lay my head at night and faith that gives me hope. But I can't help but feel there's more to life. Maybe I'v been brainwashed by the Hollywood success saga but I find myself searching diligently for 'my thing'. You know, the one thing that sets me apart, that I can leverage into sculpting whatevr bright future lies ahead.

It's crazy how out of control I feel. I have no plans for the future, no dreams, no hopes, no vision, no hustle.
Besides a PhD, I've hit all of my markers; I've gotten my degrees, travelled to over 25 countries, started a business and didn't like it. Now what do I do? Tell me, what am I supposed to with my life if I don't even know what I want it to be? I have so many questions, like: what kind of job do I pursue? Which contacts do I make? What kind of story do I write?
But most of all, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?