Short story about the battle within the self.

I try to be good in any and every form I may take. I love the sounds the world makes and look forward to making some small vibrations myself. Here is my first attempt at that:

It started out as a tiny tug of wild winds and fierce skies stirring within me as I stared at the sea that day. Focusing within on what I was lost without I found that I was in fact a lot stronger than what I had felt before. The durability of my strength would be unveiled soon enough. If only I had known of this capability, this well within me a few hours earlier. It's so easy to look back and see yourself as whom you were before you made that split decision that changed everything. So again, I stare at the sea and wonder what would have happened had I not made that one small movement. I sit here, stranded only through myself as I walk my mind through the management of time and space, unpacking and repacking every moment we have ever spent together. The thrill of adventure was just too much. The thought that I could see and touch the world overcame my senses when I should have looked you in the eyes one more time. We had it different, the two of us. Now there are more of us and we are starting to lose sight of the sunset and sunrise. We act as if it is no surprise that what I have turned into is in fact a monster that has no time to react to the whims of the world anymore so I sit here and try to settle the score. I let the sand fall through my hands. I feel the wind slowly wearing me down, an old stone at this point, frozen in the memory, unable to make a recovery that will bring me into a reality in which I can clear the moments of the past and focus on swimming forward. I dip my feet in the water, but the waves are repelled by me, I reach my arms to the sun and moon but even they have forsaken me. So I sit here and explain it to my different forms of self patiently, waiting for the time when I will break through my own mind and open these frames of existence to the other side.
What was I meant to discover? Was I meant to press inside that dark door and fall through, unable to climb out the other side the same as I was before? I can only think of the ways in which I can change now, once I am free again, the cells in my skin weigh heavy on my mind and their bars aren't golden, I can't cash them in. So in order to find the key I must sit here and remain severe in my perseverance. Waiting, always waiting, searching, always searching. I only have this island in my mind as comfort, this vacation of self from self where I cannot wash myself clean. Thinking that maybe one day I will be able to reach far enough, look down the horizon until it bows down to me. Look into the sea and see if you can see me next time. I´ll be there trying to find a way out of the customs I have built my foundation on until this moment. Looking for a way to unzip the encasement of the sky and find a way to fly out. Guide me with your thoughts one more time. Teach me how to tell the truth to myself so I can break through this outdated reality and find that final acceptance of the eternal moment.