The call of the darkness
If life was an entity, a feeling, thinking being, I have to say I am a bit disappointed and angry at it. I want to curl up in the earth under a tree, being cooled down by the life giving soil. I feel the cool and empty tugging at me. Me eyes and head hurting by the smallest beam of light. How ironic that I am brought into this world with the deep love for art, the necessity to create and the need to dance. Just to walk into an illness that is challenging especially that.
Three months I have lived in utterly darkness, having adventures of leaving behind who I was. Days of one long dialogue of me and myself trying to find a way to the light. Hoping that understanding the why could give a clue. Days of darkness soft and sweet taking my pain away. Falling down into the place where the body doesn't exist. After the darkness is the visual symbolic language. That place is home and is one big interaction, using a language designed especially for me.
The road to recovery is the hard part. Fighting for my life against a bacteria, that is if you think about it, also fighting for its life. I didn't get depressed in those three months or the years following. But I am afraid, for the more intense pain the light is giving me now, going back to that place of almost nonexistence and than have to start the road to recovery all over again.
I am thinking about you during your struggle with this illness. I hate that you are having to struggle with it and that it drastically changed your life. I hope you have better days during this fight with this illness. <3 I cannot upvote right now because of my steem power, but I will send you a little bit of SBD.
Thank you, you are a darling! The problem is a bacterial infection in my brain. Last two week I new I was growing weaker and had more and more problems with coherent thinking and cognitive functions. At this moment I have 96% light fobia. Yesterday it was 100% so altough it is a hard time I am immediately doing better. I am not supposed to be on screens yet but did want to let you now I am treated and will be back as soon as possible.
I am so sorry to here you have this infection going on. I hate that it is impacting you so harshly. I understand why you haven't been on here. I would definitely want to avoid screens too. Get lots of rest, your body needs it. We will be here when you get back. <3 Prayers sent your way!
I won't pretend to completely undestand or give wise advise.
I worry you are sad and searching. All I can say is that at my age the one thing I keep coming back to is I'm still standing! Without details, it seems I have always been the fix it person for my family. In doing so it became obvious that I had to pick and choose my battles or I would not be able to withstand.
Some battles were even downgraded to 'who cares' simply because I didn't have the time or energy to deal.
So maybe prioritize your worries, causes of distress and sadness. Hopefully if you examine these individually instead of approaching as a whole, you can identify and resolve some misgivings or worries and have time to create without so much cluttering your mind. Maybe then the rest will fall into place.
I started a reaction but am to tired to write it. I have read your comment and I am thankful for your support! Please see the comment i made above by bosssarah. See you soon!
I just wanted to leave a ((hug)) for you.
Thank you so much for your hug and support. Please see the comment above I made to bosssarah if you want to know more. I see you soon!
You never leave behind who you are, but the way you relate to the world around you can certainly change with experience. The changes can be both good or bad, so try to ignore the bad if you can, and try to focus on the good when you can.
Maybe it is indeed not who I am but more what I thought I was? Thank you for your kind reply. I agree about the focus
Know that with the equinox (and past new moon) an extra demand is made on all of us to wake up and step back into the life we need to be living. I hope this gives you the confidence to trust that you are going through a (minor!) set back which is only temporary and that there is hope you will realign with regenerative forces soon.
Breathing deeply with you.
How great of you, willing to be a listening ear for me, while you are so ill yourself! I wish you all the best and I will pray for you! You can always talk to me too, hoping I can help you a bit. <3
Thanks for using #artzone tag! Artzone can give just one upvote per day!
Mededeling: vanavond (23/3) 20h discord DBRadio
Feelx Undercover
Speels radio programma met covers...en dan maar raden wie het brengt, van wie het origineel is, en enkele weetjes...
We verwachten jou
hugs & kisses my dear. I hope you are feeling better& wanted to thank you for all your wonderful support of my art. we miss you on steemit.com!
Now in the process of selecting finalists, and final call for entries, see March Art Madness link below for tips and details:
http://steemit.com/stateofthearts/@stateofthearts/your-votes-begin-here-and-now