BEASTLY TALES

THE CHEAPSKATE

Taffy Tightwad was watching T.V. yet again,
When a subliminal sales message hatched in his brain.
A new Cutie Curls hair product was shown,
Hair dye that eliminated grey for those, so prone.
Now Taffy had an upcoming date with a younger floozie.
She was most special, and Taffy was choosy.
Her name was exotic, Delores Adorable,
He knew he looked somewhat old and deplorable.
What to do? How to cope?
He needed a renovation to have any hope!
With such a revelation driving him more,
He got ready and went down to the store.

He asked the attendant about the Cutie Curls dye,
The attendant handed over a glossy box for him to buy.
He looked at the product, and his jaw went slack,
The price, twenty five dollars, he handed it back.
He walked through the supermarket, and saw shoe cleaner,
Kiwi Black, the product’s price was much meaner.
Thought Taffy, “I’ll use this to colour my hair,”
“You’d then never know the grey was there.”
And so, in front of the mirror, he did apply it.
He was so happy he’d had the presence of mind to buy it.

He worked long and hard, until he’d finished at last,
The hair dryer was applied at full blast.
He then gave his hair a comb, and KOWA-BUNGA!
He stared at his image, now ten years younger.
Taffy, got his clothes for his date laid out,
A white shirt, grey slacks, no singular doubt.
As to how cool and groovy he’d look,
Perhaps a gold chain, with a pendant on hook.
It was a nice evening, although somewhat warm.
Outdoors some mosquitoes did thickly swarm.
He then met Delores at a gastro-pub,
It was a blind date, nervously he did rub,
His neck, which was slightly wet,
From a froth of rather nervous sweat.
He looked at his hand and saw a black smudge,
He was so excited his opinion did not budge,
That he now looked like a real cool dude,
And there was Delores Adorable, her coolness exude.
He ordered their drinks and then sat down,
While conversing with Delores, he noticed her frown.
“Taffy, do you know you have something black”
“Running down your neck, shoulders and back?”

Taffy ran his hand over his neck again,
And felt droplets that he thought might be rain.
But, horror of horrors, he saw it was black.
It must be the boot polish on forehead and back.
Delores seemed to evince a confused look,
The picture of Taffy dripping black now took,
Yes, took hold and guided her to a realization,
That her blind date was a real sensation,
It never occurred to her the real cause,
She supposed, perhaps, that he had exotic sores.
Any-which-way, she suddenly had to go home,
Departing, she suggested Taffy now use his comb,
“You look very startled, nervous and warm,”
“I’m afraid I must go, you’re just not my form.”
With that she did rapidly stalk off,
Taffy wiped his face with a most nervous cough.
“If only I hadn’t been such a cheapskate,”
“I might have been more successful on this date.”