How to improve self-confident and gain self-control with awareness - Episode#3 of Self-Improvement

Are you confidence what does that mean to be confidence it is important to have confidence in this video we will look into it coming up hi I'm Virina Rohland and I'm a life designer I help people to get unstuck finding the way to overcome recognize the pattern reconnect with the body and making change one baby step at a time to recreate the path so now let's dive into it today video is how to improve self-confidence and gain self control with awareness at first let me prepare you not to confuse between self-confidence and self-esteem in this video I will focus on self-confidence and make sure you come back and catching up with me on the next video on the self-esteem now let me begin with this statement that the person who appears confidence does not always have so esteem would it confuse you as you are hearing it I promised you that you will gain more understanding having clarity on this topic at the end of this video and even more clarity when you have a chance to follow up on my next video on the self-esteem now let me show you a quick clarification of the differences I like to explain it in this way if you could make a distinction between the word being and doing or even having the word I am is claiming who you are as a person being who you are representing I am listen carefully you are or I am is coming from the heart the real you when you say I am ugly for example that ugly represent the thinking from your head follow me with your thinking you are because of the belief you carry and why you feel about yourself that way who tells you that you are ugly you tell yourself you tell yourself that because some experience in the past show you that or you made that meaning to yourself or someone has said to your face are you following me you somehow made that meaning and took it on entirely to the being of you you took it too hard if you ask yourself again with your heart just get in touch with your heart for me am I really ugly believe me you will realize that you are not you are beautiful at heart you feel it when you stop your head thinking and knowing from your heart that you are a wonderful person you know that you are beautiful and so what if you slip in some moment and doing something ugly if you are still beautiful yeah another example that I have seen everywhere is the mother nature the mother every mother liked to be a perfect mother and you always you seem to say I'm not a good mother really I like you to get in touch with your heart and ask yourself am I a good mother not because you make it mean for what you're supposed to do for your child or your children just get in touch em I am I'll do I love them am i a good mother you'll have an answer yes okay let's moving on I am painting a picture for you to see the differences between being which who you really are at heart and doing or having which the result of the act and meaning you made toward it I know you will need time to process this idea but sit with it allow your subconscious mind to take on and you may want to come back and listen again I have planted some seated for you here and it needs time to grow now it's time to clarify why I brought this example up question can the person who call themselves ugly be a confident person is it possible that the person who calls themselves ugly has some talent that they are confidence about can you see the picture this person yes having a problem with self-esteem as he or she call himself or herself ugly but still he or she is confident in something that they know that they are good at now so you can so you see that confident is acting as a piece appearing here and there depending on how you feel at the given time now let's look further in this conversation if this person accepts themselves when they are not confident when they are not confident at something and they were at peace with it it doesn't bother them we can call this person has self-esteem vice versa if this person is not able to accept their lack of confidence and beat themselves up then this person not only lack confidence but lacks self-esteem as well as you can see now that confidence is an act so if the confident is an act it means it can be trained example when you learn something new you may not have confidence in the beginning but when you start to gain experience and know it well then you become confidence in that matter when you first learn how to drive I believe we all have difficulty with our confidence but after you got your driver's license and drove more you become more and more confidence about it look at people today talking on the cell phone while driving that would not happen on the first drive wouldn't they were very confident I have to say is overconfidence likewise so esteem can be trained as well improve built and rebuilt self esteem is the confident of one's own self dealing with their worth rather than gaining the ability to be very good at something and knowing that they are good at makes sense when you are good at something and you know you're good at it so you could say I am confidence of doing this now let's drill down what are the ways and techniques to improve self-confidence how to improve your self-confidence self-confidence need practice as I mentioned in the in the example of learning how to drive until you drive without thinking I want to introduce you to this concept of understanding how our mind works first I will make it easy for you with these categories okay so the first one it's called unconscious incompetent it's the state of mind when you are learning something new you are not good at it yet and you don't know that you are not good at it at this point in another words you don't know that you don't know this can apply to you as the state of no-confidence you never done it you never had any experience in it and you are not sure that you that you can do it or not you are not confident what could you do to improve yourself and move on to the next level you will need to learn it practice it until you know it then your confidence level will improve now and then we'll go up to the next step which is the second one conscious incompetent it's a state of mind when now you know about it you know how to improve you know how to get it done you have been practicing it you are doing it and you know that you are still not good enough yet at this point in other words you know what you don't know this can apply to you as the state of I am NOT ready yet I need more time to practice to get to the next level of confident or I can do it but it would not be as perfect as I expected it to be you know that you are not yet confident enough what could you do to improve yourself and upgrade yourself to the next level you will need more practice to polish it and nail it down the way you want it to be you will be ready and feeling more confident okay and that will next and after that will take you to the next level which is step 3 call conscious competent it's a state of mind when you are confidence in what you do when you can say that you are confident you you're well prepared you have enough practice and you do not doubt that you will achieve the result you want in other words you know that you know or you know your stuff well to get to this point you need a lot of practice and you still need to be prepared in order to do it well now then you pass this then you become the next step this number four is unconscious competent it's a state of mind when you know it's so well that you don't even think about it or prepare for it it's like breathing and blinking your eyes to get to this state you need to train yourself over and over until it becomes second nature and now I'm talking about when you're driving the car without thinking and you're talking on the phone at the same time and sometimes you end up somewhere actually that you think how can I get here make sense okay so self confidence has no improvement without the repetition of practice but you may wonder why someone seems to be born with confidence how did that happen there's no such things as being born with self confidence it's like someone being born rich some say he or she is born with a silver spoon in their mouth if you're thinking along this line you might need to consider your low your self esteem now so if you are asking why that person seems to be born with it the answer could be any of this okay now let me introduce something here before before we get into it do you know the story of monkey-see monkey-do or how about Pavlov's dog I will share with you a little bit about NLP which stands for neuro linguistic programming Neuro is like neuron okay linguistic is language and programming or reprogramming is the how to use the language to reprogram your neuron okay so how this NLP relates to everything okay when you were a child age zero to seven you were in what call the imprint period that's according to psychologist dr.

Moore Massey and in that imprint period we were simply soaking things in and the neurology is so active that the average child losing about 20 billion synaptic connections a day there's about five million new synaptic connections per second and you have 10 by 10 to the 11th power neurological connections inside your mind and body that's the number 10 written ten times with 11 zero after it that's tremendous amount of potential neurological connections when you were a child these neurological connections were firing off very very quickly and that's why childrens are such exquisite learners they are like little sponge soaking thing in by using the five senses visual seeing auditorial hearing kinesthetic feeling olfactory smell and gustatory taste we gather information capturing picture camera with our eyes and as our mind can't choose to see or not see we keep all the information like a data in a computer system these also could explain deja vu experiences our ears will hear everything with no control of what we want to hear or not it will record all sounds like recorder now there comes a time when we develop our thinking begin to learn the meanings of picture and sounds and realize the feeling and emotions babies will cry to express their feelings and emotion as their communication it is their language of expression that something is going on until they can communicate in speech or any other way they hear what you say and they are learning and recording information from you until they can translate it and copy the way you speak with smell and taste there will experience them and transport them into their memory and feelings such as like or dislike pain or pleasure then express them through body language to laugh or cry which is their way to communicate at that time so let's go back to umm born confidence there is no such thing as being born confident we are creating our reality at any moment of our life if you are confident your children will learn and copy you in your language in your being and in your belief system either positive or negative there is much more information which I could write the whole book about which I will in the near future and I actually did one before in 2016 that's also mentioned a lot about neuro linguistic programming and also belief system if you are interested you can go have a look on Amazon is called being an overcomer and I actually going to do a second edition very soon now let's go back to the confidence I want you to know that you can train yourself to be confident if you want it to be it won't happen if you do nothing now the next one is the example of how to improve our self confidence first self awareness and I keep saying this a lot of time about awareness so self awareness being aware of what your confident level is and the triggers that it can make it better or worse second take action on learning practicing and improving until you reach the level of unconscious competence understand be able to identify your weakness and strength number three commit to doing the work there is no easy way so if you seriously want to improve you need to do the work commit to learning the tools and techniques apply implement do whatever it takes to become more and more confident repetition is the mother of skills remember number three stop beating yourself up for not being confident now it would be a waste of time okay so I know you are in now and you know that you feel that you are not confident yet but beating yourself up is not the point it's the recognize that you not that you are not confident yet and then practice okay put your focus and energy into improving it the more you do it the more you can overcome it the thing that matters is in the present spending too much time in the past and too much time dreaming about the future which no action taken today guarantees that nothing will work at the time that creates all results is now the present number four invest in yourself becoming your own healer your own healing your coach there are techniques that I will discussing in a future video such as NLP neuro-linguistic programming EFT emotional freedom released technique thetahealing moving art therapy and the hypnosis which will help you to improve self-confidence and self-esteem quicker and easier than you ever thought possible now number five practice reconnecting if you remember I share with you in the earlier video there are also many types of mind and body connection training like yoga Tai chi dance and meditation which will help you to improve your awareness is not just helping you physically enhance your fitness level but it also helps you mentally and in improving your emotional management system when you look good it makes you feel good and when you feel really good you want to do more to improve yourself and stay fit tone slim and happy with yourself it definitely has a substantial impact on your confidence level now number six be aware of your thoughts your thinking your words and the language you use with yourself and others as well believe it or not your words have powerful energy themselves number seven be aware of your behaviors look within yourself and identify your action which one serves your confidence level and which one do not keep moving keep improving and eliminate those that don't serve you you have to be able to accept the imperfection in yourself in order to improve it keep ignoring it and it will backfire on you not just for your lack of confidence but for your whole life in self-esteem issue remember people who have high self esteem have a high level of integrity number eight understand your triggers find out your sensitive spot that causes you to feel uncertain or fearful as well as the one that made you feel good have more energy and be more confident look at everything around you with your five senses for example when you hear a particular song and you feel energized and motivated and then some song or music makes you feel sad and remind you of an unsuccessful moment that made you feel fearful when you can pinpoint that then you can work on it you can choose the thought and here you have it how to improve your confidence and gain self-control with awareness question I like to leave it with you today is how you normally deal with anxiety share with me and if this video helpful help support the channel help me to grow this channel by click like subscribe and also will be great if you can put some comment and have a conversation with me I would love to know who you are I would love to answer your question and be able to connect with you so I will see you in the next video remember my new Phrase make awareness your lifestyle bye now

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