Wargaming - And an interesting change within my own psychology.

I have been an avid war gamer, and military history addict (sad but true), for as long as I can remember – certainly from the age of 8, until today..

My 'wargaming career' has spanned several ages of history.
From Ancient Rome, to WW2, and everything in between.

This has always been from a perspective of 'big battles' and watching the action unfold.
The sheer size of these battles meant that that they could last more than a day – quite easily.
10 or 20 hours for one of these games is common.

Over the last few years, I have seen a shift in the type of wargaming that is 'in vogue'.
(Using a word like 'vogue' in relation to wargaming is hilarious!)

Until this last decade or so , it was brigades and divisions, and even full armies (1 figure representing 10's of thousands of men on the table top).
Today, it has now become much smaller scale affair – right the way down to 1 figure representing 1 man, on the table.

Now this is something I have always resisted - being introduced, and brought up on the big battles....

But something very strange has happened to me...._.

Months back, I painted up some armies to start an American civil war, wargaming 'campaign'. My intention was just this.
It started with 'the battle of Kitty's cleavage' (if anyone remembers that..?).

Here's the thing - I never got passionate about it. No like I used to.

There was a noticeable change in my enthusiasm towards it.
I even tried to deny this to myself , at the time.
I reasoned it was because I hadn't done any 'serious wargaming' for a while, and I was just 'rusty'.
Then I thought, 'maybe I have just changed', and it was no longer my passion. (which made me sad).

But then I also noticed, while watching some military you tube vids or reading some historical accounts of some battle or other – that _my passion _hadn't gone.
I was still as enthusiastic for the military history as ever..
It seemed illogical that I would lose all interest in playing these games. May be I had just lost interest in games?

Maybe...

I DO know that over these last few years, I'm less 'playful'. Games which I have always enjoyed before, became less fun.
Life was somehow getting more serious.
This is also fine, and I accept that change happens. That's life..and I'm not one to dwell too much if I can avoid it.
BUT...just like I denied to myself my lack of interest in playing with my new armies, - there was also a niggling 'disbelief' in my own conclusions, and my own feelings about it...

Somewhere deep inside, I somehow knew my passion for wargaming had not disappeared at all. It was there, lurking in the background, in some way..
Waiting to be 'discovered again' covered in dust, somehow...

And then I realized it !! ....I had become a victim!!!

Now I don't like that feeling, not one little bit, sir.
Not... one... little... bit.

Just like everyone else, it seemed – The 'time span attention deficit' problem, had also hit me. Or whatever you want to call it. (the 21st century computer disease, I call it).

And so I looked over at my unused table, and my unused armies, gathering dust...

I realized right there and then, why wargaming has shifted – from the grand strategies and massed armies, to a more localized 'scuffles'.
The apparent lack of 'concentration over time', had changed. (for the worse in my opinion, I might add, but it had also affected me!)

Rather than seeing my table as a grand battle filed, and my units of men representing 100 men or more, on the tabletop – I started to look at them in different terms.. what was once a figure representing 75 men, as now representing only 5 men, for example (or even less).

And guess what?

I COULD FEEL MY PASSION FOR THE GAME STARTING TO STIR, ONCE MORE....

It's like my mind didn't - OR COULDN'T conceive of the larger time frames anymore, but I could enjoy the faster, localized pace of small military encounters.

There is a sadness that I have lost that side of me .
But I'm also very much realist.
If I can enjoy the small scale battles, and get what I want, from it, then that's fine by me.
I'm a very big proponent for taking your pleasure's where you find them!

So know I have to reassess all my old rules, as they do not function correctly on the 'local level'.
There is going to be quite a bit of work involved as this is a totally new mindset for me to adopt.
The amount of work, matters not.

What does matter is that my 'victim status' of this negative aspect of computer influence, has been beaten!

I am now utilizing my new position, that has shifted to the new reality - and will now be able to maximize my enjoyment of 'The wargame'.
I _hate being a victim to anything , and I'm just not built to ever be a victim.
No bloody wonder I was so depressed about losing my passion for my 'old style 'wargames!

But it is very interesting the psychological change within myself, that has happened – I can't assign any other reason for that shift, apart from the computer usage, and the 'attention time span defit disorder'.

My attention span- like everyone else's. I am starting to think - has been affected...

psychology
So, I am going to give my wargaming another go - and see if my newly found enthusiasm endures...
I bloody well hope so!