RE: Living with a Chronic Illness - Chronic Depression
This was very powerful to read. I suffer from a related chronic illness (bipolar disorder) and it's endlessly frustrating how often it is not taken seriously. I too would not be here if not for medication--I am positive of that. It's been a struggle at times just being a functional human, to say the least, and not only that, but a functional human who doesn't end up inadvertently burning everything to the ground. Though it only came on for me in earnest during my mid-teenage years, I actually just posted a few drawings and writings yesterday from when I was a kid where I'm describing the feeling of deep sadness and anxiety as best as I knew how. So this has been something that has been with me my whole life.
It sucks how often people will bash on taking medication--it's not just annoying, it's life threatening. It's not like we haven't contemplated a billion times whether or not we could just stop taking it and we'd be totally fine, and then I've had partners and close friends who have tried to encourage that. But they have no friggin idea how dangerous that is. Yoga, meditation, and a gluten free diet will not cure bipolar disorder. And yes, I'm painfully aware of the problems with the pharmaceutical industry. But would you recommend that someone with high blood pressure stop taking their medication? Or that a diabetic would stop taking insulin?
I hear you, @malloryblythe! it's so hard to find meds that actually help. Lithium almost killed me. Anything not an SSRI doesn't work at all. Suicide ideation, headaches, and fatigue are listed as side effects of the pills prescribed to treat that stuff. Cracking the genome had me so hopeful that doctors would finally be able to determine which pills, what dose, without the guinea-pig routine of trial and error, six more wasted weeks learning the latest pill isn't working. Still, trying to go off the meds is usually a lot worse. (Been there.) Off now to check outyour writings and drawings!
I know, it's awful. Definitely not an ideal situation. It took me a few tries to get the combination right, and it's a long process. Like you have to expect at least six months of weaning yourself on and off different medications gradually to figure it out, and it's not a fun process. So many people start trying to get treatment and end up going on and off medications rapidly without medical supervision thinking that things aren't working, and it's so dangerous.
Ironically, anti-diarrhea medication, and anti-constipation medication all share the potential side effects of constipation and diarrhea. Always made me shake my head as a medic, when I had to tell patients their potential side effects may be the very things they try to stop.
And yes, it's a journey, to find the right medication. And then, even if you do, it can be a journey, when you have to periodically keep raising the dosages.
I've been thinking of slowly weening myself off of medication again. But I've decided to hold off on it for now. I am not sure I'll be able to. It's not because I don't believe in medications, but because of the side-effects. Though the side effect of being a mostly functioning human being when I am awake sure beats that.
I've seen some interesting researches recently, meta-researches, about antidepressants, and how people who stop taking antidepressants after the acute period is over are less likely to still be suffering from depression a decade later when compared to those who are still taking it.
I wonder if part of it is also that taking the medication reminds you, and thus creates, the mentality of "I am still depressed."
But all of that is not to take away from how important medication is.
And well, sadly, these days, quite a lot of people will recommend people with corporeal illnesses stop taking medications either.
Good luck, Mallory. To us, and to future generations. I feel things are getting better, even if slowly. Oh so slowly.
Just be really careful... the times when people are going on or off medication or making adjustments to dosages are the most dangerous times for people with mental illnesses. Don't discount that it's a lethal illness and that you need close medical supervision.
I have experience. Worry not.
About 10 months ago I increased my dosage. I hope if I feel very well for several months in a row to get back to that old dose. And then, I'd pause there for at least 6 more months to evaluate before going onward.
One of the worst things is that though my medication is now generic, when I tried another brand for a while, it just did not work at me at all. And it was going down to no medication when I really needed it. Now I insist on a specific brand. Even though it should matter at all :-/
Oh good. It sounds like you really know the deal. Well, just a friendly reminder to be kind to yourself, then. Try not to let your mind play any unfair tricks on you if you experience withdrawal symptoms.