Should-ing
“I should be a more attentive mother. He shouldn’t have spoken harshly to me. I shouldn’t let the accounting books get behind. They should focus harder and get their act together. He shouldn’t have touched me like that. He should have touched me more....”
Really?!
That’s a damn lot of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” going on in my daily thoughts. And this kind of thinking is the basis for all of our discontent.
Generally our feelings of guilt, angst, lament or regret are from these 2 words playing over and over again in our minds.
Let’s look at a few for example.
Sometimes my brain says, “I should be more attentive mom.” Okay, why and how? I’m giving about as much attention to my 3 beautiful children as I have in me with all our other stuff going on. They are well cared for and know they are loved. How would I, or my kids, benefit if I were more attentive? My brain chatters - “well, they might know they’re loved MORE, have a more stable base, stronger chakra 1 roots from which to go form and bloom strongly.” Maybe...? Or, maybe I am a good enough mother that makes them feel loved, but not wholly satisfied? And from that space of happy but wanting more they will search for and pursue their passions and their lovers to quiet unfulfilled longings? My “good enough” mothering may spark their life path or inspire their drive towards intense purpose and fulfillment. Who knows?
Another one... My brain chatters - “I shouldn’t let the accounting records get behind.” But I have before and did again last year. And I hate it. And it causes me pain and frustration. It causes other people pain and frustration. And FINALLY I think I’m sick enough of all that to make a change via better scheduling and/or shifting these responsibilities entirely off of me. So there. Ultimately neglecting the books brought enough pain to resolve the situation for the better. There really was no “should” here. Only what was. Only what is. Only facts. Only truths.
“And so it is...” is more true than, “it should be....”
What would happen if we could learn to drop the damn “shoulds” and just embrace what is?
What are the “shoulds” that your brain chatters? What would it be like if you could let even one of them go, and just be with what is?
i've added you to my auto voter seeing as i'm reading your stuff more and more, it's some of the best authetic writing out there on steemit and thank you for the recent upvote. that was very kind.
Your compliments made my morning. Thank you for putting me on auto vote 🙏🏽, and REALLY thank you for what you say about my writing! I just write the truth what’s on my mind.
I like your blog much as well. You talk about crypto happenings enough that I get a little update, but it’s not all super technical to where my eyes glaze over. You keep it relatable to life and your blog certainly has a human touch with your stream of consciousness approach. Great to cross paths here. 🤗
i believe you meet who you are meant to meet ;) and maybe i hurried that along too. being a ground sign (capricorn) i can totally relate with the sea energy even if it's not land locked! :) have a fantastic day! :) -- added you to steemify as well so i get updates! :)
In my humble opinion, these "shoulds" and feelings of guilt are often self imposed. I used to get extremely worried about things and all the shoulds in my head... now that life has given we a few good wake up calls, my attitude is a lot more relaxed.
As for being a better mom, or parenthood in general, I have to giggle, when I see and hear the people today, compared to my own childhood. Some of these people around here, guard their kids every minute of their life. I heard a woman on a radio show, who asked if she could leave her child alone, when she had to go to the bathroom... isn't that absurd?
When we came home from school, our mom saw us for lunch. Homework done and off we were to have our own adventures. When it got dark, we came home for dinner... ultimate freedom! But we also had a deep trust, that when we needed our parents, they'd be there. No matter how one handles "family", there can always be a should. But why should it be there? As I have said before, you appear like a great family and I'm sure you all love each other very much.
If I ever have a "should have" today, I tell myself, I can't change the past anyways but I take it as a reminder to do things in a way, that there won't be another "should have" in the future. And if it still comes up, I think... I did the best I could in that situation 😎
And hey... none of us are super human, so its ok to give oneself a break too every now and again 😇
Oh god... bookkeeping. Yeah, I hated that to and always procrastinated to the limit. One of the worst aspects of my job. The solution is, that I now pay someone to do it. Some of the best spent money ever!
So yes, absolutely.. drop the damn “shoulds” and just embrace what is
This is exactly what i do too
Why bother about the past?
Move on and make things better
👍
Take care of your family They are everything
GOOD MAN
This lines are what really interested me, the success or otherwise of your husband and children can reflect on how successful or otherwise they become. My mom has been very instrumental in the lives of MY siblings and i too, all we do is make her proud. Thank you for sharing this MA, I love your daughter, so pretty .
my mom and I
First of all you look great, i almost couldnt stop admiring you, mother of three you say? Omg you look amazing. Nice post, the shoulds rubbs us off our enjoyment of the moment. Lets be with what is. Nice legs😊😘
The picture shows and explains everything Wonderful picture of a wonderful family ,You have 3 sons and they are still beautiful ,
Behind every great nation is great education
You are truly a great mother and do not forget as well as the Father @sean-king
i hope you like this work
Family is all we have your family loves you and you love 'em keep this between you guys @sean-king is a good father and you are a good mother
I posted yesterday a post about children feel free to take a look
My last post about you guys
really wonderful moments @steemed-open this is the first time i see your blog, i follow all your works photography its amazing. i'm still new on steemit, i am very fond by art, i have shared some works of my dad in one of my publication can you see it and give me your opinion! i'll be glad to have your support
@sean-king @steemed-open
great family, where member love and support each other
you have own unique struggles, but what makesyou stronger are the ways in celebrate the joys and living together
you look really gorgeous amazing shots look really sweet family