Loss of Childhood - Are we pressurizing our children too much?
I was watching an elimination episode of a dance reality show for kids a few days back on television. And I clearly remember feeling uncomfortable seeing the reaction of kids who got eliminated. Embarrassment, defeat, hurt, sadness and disappointment were some of the emotions on display. It got me thinking. Are we failing to understand our kids? Are we indirectly becoming responsible for the loss of childhood and child-like innocence in them?
Is putting too much pressure on them to excel and stand out in a crowd, taking the fun out of everything they do? Are we making our kids a bunch of competitive rats? Sadly, the answer to each of these questions is YES.
OUR BASIC MISTAKE - PREPARING THE "PERFECT KID" PROTOTYPE
As soon as the kid's born, parents, well most of them, already have an image of what they see the kid doing in future. This infection is particularly prevalent in Asian parents.
They want their kids to be the best. The best footballer, best doctor, best dancer, best athlete, best engineer, best pilot - it's almost like the kids are born in a concentration camp where their existence is defined by how good they are at something. Kids from a young age are made to join tuitions and classes to excel at a particular skill.
The thought that it's either perfection or nothing at all, is fed into their impressionable heads. They begin to see everything as a competition. The tagline of this perfectionist upbringing is generally - "If you don't win, then nobody will value you, you won't have a bright future, you won't earn more money".
Preparing the perfect kid prototype is fuelled by what the kid won't or can't be rather than what he CAN. Therefore, the foundation of this vicious cycle of perfection itself is based on negativity. This negative ideology is majorly responsible for the loss of childhood.
KIDS OR MUTUAL FUNDS?
Poor kid comes back from school and he has a line up of tuition appointments that'd put a busy industrialist's schedule to shame. Studies, swimming, sports, dancing, singing, handwriting improvement, public speaking, painting, calligraphy, martial art, playing a musical instrument - you name it and the kid's expected to learn it.
Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong in making kids learn something. But the problem lies in the motive behind it. Making them learn a skill, only so that they can monetise the skill in future or make a career out of it is plain selfish on the part of parents.
Picture courtesy - wonderopolis.org
It's like a sword constantly hanging on the kid's head to get some return out of the investment that his parents have done in him. We, therefore, instill this thought in the kid's head that anything else he does for enjoyment isn't productive enough and is a waste of his precious time.
LOSS OF CHILDHOOD - KIDS MATURING TOO EARLY
As an actor, I regularly go and give auditions at casting offices. There I see 4 and 5-year-old kids standing in a queue with their parents, waiting to give an audition. If a kid fumbles or makes an error while delivering a line and doesn't get a second take to correct his mistake, I've seen parents scolding their kids.
What a parent sees is a failed audition but what that kid sees in him is a failure. His little brain is processing competition, failure, desperation to excel and the pressure to perform at an age where he's supposed to just be a playful kid devoid of stress. We're making little kids experience adult emotions and then wondering where did their innocence go!
I've seen kids on reality shows sharing how they are the sole source of income in their families. Now such circumstances shape their psyche in a way that the fun or joy of childhood goes out of the window. To bear the humiliation of losing in public or even further - on national television isn't "child's play".
We as adults are so conscious of our image and standing in the society where we aren't comfortable with people knowing about our failures or vulnerable side. But we expect kids to accept their failure in public, understand how to move on from failure and assume that they're fine. Well, NO THEY'RE NOT. They didn't ask for this!
As it is, the internet is pushing the younger generation towards maturity too early. Partner that with the desire of parents to make their kids stand out in a crowd and you have the perfect recipe for the loss of childhood.
BRINGING BACK LOST CHILDHOOD?
1. AVOID "CONVENIENT PARENTING"
You must've noticed parents leaving their kids - either with nursemaids or expensive gadgets so that they can attend a meeting and work in peace. They have no time to talk to their kids.
Picture courtesy - MomJunction.com
This section of parents just stuffs the kid's schedule with one tuition/training or the other and satisfies every materialistic need of theirs to cover their own guilt of poor parenting.
Parents have to stop this style of parenting as it creates a communication gap between their kids and them. It leaves the kid feeling insecure, uncared for, vulnerable and wondering if he has anybody who'll listen to him. So talk to your kid, get to know what he's feeling, be sensitive to his needs and stay receptive.
Remember if your kid is not able to share the little things with you when he's young, then he's definitely not sharing the bigger issues when he gets old. Don't blame him later for not opening up. Instead, ask yourself if you were there for him when he needed you.
2. STOP PRESSURIZING YOUR CHILD TO BE PERFECT
Stop pressurizing your child to be the epitome of perfection at whatever he does. Let him be if he doesn't want to be the best or even a jack of all trades for that matter.
You wanting your child to be the focus of attention in your social circle is your school of thought. Don't make your child suffer just to live up to your idea of what he should be doing.
Let your child do what he is naturally inclined towards doing without making it a rat-race for him in his head. Let your kid enjoy the game rather than making it a do-or-die affair for him.
Your child's future or his income earning opportunities or his probability to find the right match for marriage doesn't depend on how many medals he gets in each field. Save those parameters of judgement when your kid matures and is an adult.
Atleast then he'll be matured enough to understand and explain to you that the concept of perfection is beautifully garnished bullshit.
3. LET YOUR CHILD ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF DOING NOTHING
Do you remember children from your generation? They didn't seem to be as stressed about life as today's children. And they weren't suffering from the kinds of diseases that the children of today have unearthed, thanks to the loss of childhood.
And it's all because children today are boxed. They aren't having real fun. Enjoyment seems to be the last thing on their agenda. Whatever they do has a motive behind it. A motive to extract something - excellence, victory, appreciation. And that motive creates pressure and therefore, stress.
Children today are stuck to their gadgets and have forgotten the little pleasures of playing in open spaces, with real people. All they do is go to classes so that they can perfect some skill which they can use later to create a career around it. What that does, is it takes away the beauty of doing nothing.
Childhood memories are usually made of beautiful nothings. A little child doesn't need to know about time management. He needs to be doing whatever he wishes to, without being made to feel guilty about it. So let your kid roam around freely and enjoy himself, wastage of time be damned!
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