I love free money

First off let me say thank you to the team over at Byteball. I don't know that anyone has ever just given me $40 without it being my birthday or some sort of sexual favor work agreement involved. So thank you for that. Had you waited 2 more days and observed the build a bear fiasco with people waiting 8 to 10 hours in the 110 degree heat to save $2 on a stuffed animal then you may have had a better understanding of the mania you were about to unleash on yourself by giving away $20 to $160 to each user of steemit. I mean these thirsty mother fuckers will do horrible things for a 2 cent upvote and you come in here waving around hundred dollar bills.......

My slow descent into madness

At first, I read the whole post about how to set up the wallet and go through the whole process. It looked just easy as pie. "I got this," I told myself as I started the process. Strike 1, my home computer is old and would not even process the wallet. Ok so I hit the comment section to try and get an answer only to find it filled with every what would normally be i vote 4 u u vote for me but was now instead alphanumeric code responses that could only be deciphered as

So I bot voted my response to the top like any A hole would do. Nope, nothing was had from that except a lighter steem wallet. So I took to discord. Surely the folks on there will help.

No, Instead of help I got called an idiot in at least 3 languages and also my Mexican co-worker filled me in on what a "cerote" was. That is Spanish for turd in case you were wondering so I covered 4 languages worth of insults in under 24 hours. I am going to count that as a new personal best.

Success

I had to go to work this morning and get on a computer that was not made in nineteen-dickety-two and thanks to @davemccoy I was finally able to obtain my coveted wallet and the penny sponsorship so I could get my free $80 dollars that I had preemptively spent $60 of it bot voting my shit post up that you can see here so I could reach rep 60 to get the extra money from having the higher rep.

Karma

As I said I blew through $60 bucks quicker than Stormy Daniels............. Nevermind. So I finally got everything done. At this point, I made $20 right? Lol, nope. Someone informed me you only get half so I buzzed up to their site and the original post to reread it which was now frozen and could not be accessed on steemit so I had to use @busy.org .

I get half of the $80 now and half in a year. So by my math, I just fucked myself in the bunghole to achieve a negative $20 balance.

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So like I said I was up $40 in byteball and down $60 in steem, then I was like I will make it back by sponsoring people. I got one guy hooked up with a sponsorship. We will just call him @bakaman and he turned around and probably made it into a million dollars already. Then I tried to duplicate this seemingly mundane task they call sponsorship.

Oh hell no. The whole network was/ still is frozen.
: golf clap:
Good job guys. See build a bear/mania reference for a refresher.
But like any bad gambler and glutton for punishment, I decided to set up a wallet for the "wife" so she could get some of this imaginary money she always gives me a hard time about. So I dive in and try to make another account wallet or figure out how to put 2 IDs on one wallet

Yeah, not happening. So being the sly fox I am I decide to use my phone. This was about 2:00 so I figure I can have it all set up and send my penny to that account and have it converted to fiat through the exchanges by the time I go home and can take the wife out for a nice dinner with this imaginary money. Negative ghost rider. Wallets are still frozen.

At this point, I just rage quit.

But I still have questions.

1- At no point did I really receive any keys that I am aware of so what happens to my money if my computer crashes? Is it just gone? If so why in the fuck would I put any money towards this? In the terms and conditions it is very clear that if you lose it, it is just gone.

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2- What if I trade my phone in that has the wallet on it. I was going to upgrade my phone in the next month or so. How the hell do I get my other $40 that will be locked in that wallet for a year?

Things I like

It has a lot of cool features that I have not got to play with but the sound fantastic
Through this app, you can:

Participate or Launch an ICOs
Sometimes get cash back by shopping with their partners
Have Risk-free conditional smart payments
P2P insurance
Participate in Prediction markets
Betting
Send cryptocurrency to email or via chat
Store Your ID
Send untraceable cash like payments through Blackbytes
Earn rewards in many ways including verifying your name and Email address
and more...

My conclusion

You gotta dumb this process and interface down. I am we will say the average American. So if half of America is even dumber than me god help us all. You better get some sort of tech support and I am not talking about farming it out to Pakistan and telling the guys on the phone to just tell everyone they speak to that their name is Bob or Daniel. That is bullshit and I know it. Seriously, setting up your wallet and trying to use it on your dial up esqe network made me want to shoot myself in the face. At least have it make the EEEEEEEE ERRRRRRRRRRR EEEEEEEEEEE noise while I wait on perma hold for hours while it "syncs" .

Much love
Doomsdaychassis

I nominate @davemccoy and @trumpman

I was going to just make this a review but after rereading it I decided to put it as an entry into comedy open mic because I know they all like to see me suffer :)