And it begins !
So the day after treatment is usually a good day , after that it starts going downhill. Woke up this morning feeling so sick. It’s 8 am and I have already thrown up and feel so tired.
My poor son woke himself up , dressed himself and even made his own breakfast. The bus picks him up early (7). He’s such a sweet kid, he didn’t want to wake me bc he knows I’ve been really tired lately.
My daughter had colonial day in school, where she was supposed to dress like they did in the colonial days. Well this mom dropped the ball on that bc with the storm we had yesterday, they issued a warning to stay off the roads. So, she’s going in with no costume :(.
My little guy will have to miss school today bc I have to go to court for work today. No one will be able to pick him up in time, so I’ll have to have someone babysit him instead.
Hopefully I feel better by this afternoon. If I don’t , I guess ill have to skip court today and ask for an adjournment.
I’ve been thinking. With everything going on . Simeon’s once told me , when your in a situation, think about it this way : what would you tell your daughter to do in that same situation. Well if it was my daughter clinging on to someone who is pushing her away .... I’d tell her to get over it. I’d tell her if he doesn’t want to be a part of your life, then let him go. I’d tell her if he doesn’t love her now , he probably never did. I’d tell her she doesn’t need him. I’d tell her NOT to reach out to him. I’d tell her if you really meant that much to him, he would respond. I’d tell her f@ck him, he doesn’t deserve to be in your life if he’s treating you that way !
I know what I have to do and hopefully this time I stick to it. I have to step away. I have to stop texting. I have to stop calling. I have to just walk away. I can’t continue to hold on to someone who doesn’t want to be there.
I’m sure I’ve done something to contribute to this. But I would think I deserve at least an explanation. It is what it is!
This I guess is another chapter in my life that I have to close.
Hey @anonymity5 your story touched my heart. Why is it that we give great advice to our kids but we can never seem to follow the advice that we give them? We torture ourselves in the hopes that things will change. Stay strong... you obviously deserve better than what he will give. @pretty.dorky thinks you would fit in our little community... we have a group of awesome people that are helpful and uplifting. I really hope to see you around. Take care!
Thanks . To be honest, a big part of this is my own fault. I didn’t make the moves I needed to. I needed more time. I guess more time and pushing him away bc I didn’t think he could be pushed away. It’s almost like i tested him , bc I thought he would always be there for me. But I guess he failed. He couldn’t wait any longer. He decided to move on without me.
Don’t get me wrong, he is a great guy. That’s why this hurts so much. That’s why this is so hard. I wish I could just move on the way he seems to have moved on. But I can’t stand the idea of losing him in all ways. I feel like I need to hold on to at the least our friendship.
If you don't mind me saying this, at this point I think trying to remain friends will only hurt you more. Especially if he can't be there for you like a friend would, and that should never be a one sided thing. But you also have to do what you feel is right for you!! Time will heal your wounds and one day you will be able to move on, until then just keep your head up and take things one day at a time. Good luck sweetie.. I hope you will soon find some peace.
Thanks . Maybe you’re right. Maybe that’s why he pulled away. Maybe he thinks it’s best for the both of us to just be away from each other. Maybe it’s bc of all the grief I put him thru when the shit hit the fan. Maybe it’s bc I make him feel bad for deciding to move on. I have played out so many senerios in my head .
I do the same thing! Project what I would want my children to do onto my situation to help make the decision at hand. It’s funny how we can do better for them than for ourselves. So proud of you! Stay strong. Every time you pick up your phone to send another text, just put the damn thing down! Lol don’t do it! Maybe you could text someone else? A friend? Or what about Discord? A nice group of people that could take your mind off him? Please tell me if I’m over stepping here. Something about you and your posts just moves me and I want to support you if I can.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so icky. Hope you feel better soon! How sweet that your son can get himself ready and get fed. Hope your not having mommy guilt (as I do so often) over that, and the costume. It happens even to moms not dealing with chemo. You’re a rockstar! 🌟
Thank you for your kind words and support. I started here I guess bc I needed an outlet. Somewhere no one knows me and I know no one. Where I don’t have to worry about being judged.
I haven’t really told any of my friends the whole story , nor do I want to. Some will prob think I told you so. Others will think he’s a jerk. Isn’t it crazy that I don’t want anyone to think he’s a jerk ? Lol
What is discord ?
I understand. I’m a very private person myself. Not everyone needs to know your shit, and the freedom of being anonymous here is wonderful! You can just say whatcha want without fear. Good for you!
Discord is a chat app that many Steemit groups use to communicate. That’s how I know it anyway! You can still be anonymous but have more freedom to talk without it being forever etched on the block chain. I’ll link a server here that is full of the kindest people I’ve met. One of them being @monchhichi23. If you feel like stopping in to say howdy. I’m certain you would be welcomed.
https://steemit.com/buddyup/@buddyup/you-are-in-the-safe-zone
😀
There is a link on that page! Download Discord and create an acct then follow that to our discord community... if you like of course.
Thanks . I’ll check it out. :)
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