Oh...
I understand you... this is very painful...
A few years ago I fed a street gray kitty.
He knew what time I brought him food and he always came at that time.
I loved him very much, but I couldn’t take to my house, since I have a lot of Persian cats.
And, when I again carried him food, I saw how the janitor lifted him body from the road ... not far from the place of feeding ...
The janitor was a good man, he wanted me not to see it and thought that the kitten just stopped coming ...