积极废人、口头胖子、这些新人设，你是哪一种呢？ An active loser

这两天突然有个新词火了，那就是“积极废人”。

一时间英大的朋友圈像是街边的电线杆，被贴满了白纸黑字的小广告，而且贴的还是同一张图，就是这个：

An active loser is someone who loves setting goals publicly but can never achieve them. These people are mentally active and aspirant but acting totally as losers do in practical terms. They usually start to panic after their intermittent indulgences and often feel guilty for being so lazy.

嗯~

打击面很广的嘛。

为了让大家更直观地理解这个人设，我们还是来举3个例子吧。

Linda 从过年之后就一直在喊“要减肥了！”，还把微信头像改成了“不瘦十斤不换头像”，而且还去公司旁边新开的健身房办了一张好贵的年卡，她觉得自己会因为心疼这个钱而坚持锻炼。不过她到现在只去了一次，而且只间歇性地跑了10分钟，更要命的是她每次加班后还要用一杯全糖的1点点来安慰自己。事实上她去年已经办过一张4000块的健身年卡了，总共只去了8次，每次健身成本500块，然后，她现在比过年后又胖了3斤。嗯，积极废人式减肥无疑了。

Jackie 一直扬言说要练出一口伦敦腔的英语，也多次在公开场合对英式口音发表了无数溢美之词，不过他在开心词场上连续背单词的最高纪录只有3天，abandon 背了800遍，之前花几千块钱报的口语课程现在也半价挂到了闲鱼上；学了20年英语，但现在能流利讲出的也只有 Fine, thank you, and you? 嗯，积极废人式学英语，合格。

Lucy 早已意识到自己与贫穷只有一线之隔，并且也早已下定决心要开始攒钱。不过她这个月还是把自己工资的2/3贡献给了7个网红淘宝店主+5家网红餐厅+星巴克的新品+爱豆演唱会的票。嗯，积极废人式存钱，鉴定完毕。

这都是有梦想、有野心的人啊。

是不是沁人心脾？短短4个字的概括力简直不要太强大。

而除了积极废人以外，这几个月冒出来的新人设还真不少，来看看你见过几种吧：

#1. 邋遢洁癖
lā tā jié pì
释义：人前干净整洁又精致。男的发型清爽，白T恤发光，身上还有好闻的肥皂味；女的妆容完美，衣服上没有一个褶子，还做了法式美甲。但他们家里通常乱得像战场，被子是直接堆在床上的，衣服是随便乱放的；只要不出门，他们可以不洗头、不洗脸、不刮胡子。家里的那道大门对他们来说不是一扇普通的门，而是一个跨越两个世界的传送门。
A Messy Mysophobiac is someone who only appears clean and sophisticated in the public. A male one usually has clean-cut hair and wears shiny white T-shirt and gives out a pleasant odour of soap. A female one usually wears perfect makeup and wrinkleless clothes and maybe even French manicure. But you'll see a total mess if you enter one of them's home: The quilt would be just thrown on the bed. The clothes would be scattered all around. As long as they don't go out, they can skip washing hair, washing face and shaving. The front door of the house is not an ordinary door for them. It's a portal between two worlds.

#2. 隐形贫困人口
yǐn xíng pín kùn
释义：这些人看起来每天有吃有喝有玩，生活质量还挺高，但实际上非常贫穷。他们花30块喝一杯咖啡，他们花300块去网红餐厅打卡，他们花500块买一件精品复古白T恤，他们花工资的一半租CBD旁边的房子；他们的生活看起来非常富足，但他们每个月的账户余额都清零。
The Invisibly Poor is those who appear to have a fantastic and high-quality life but actually are very poor. They spend 30 RMB for a cup of coffee, 300 for a chance to publicly announce they went to an Internet-famous go-to restaurant, 500 for a plain white vintage T-shirt, half of their monthly income for the rent of an apartment beside a CBD. It seems like their life are really affluent. But every month, the numbers on their balance sheets return to zeros.

#3. 野生KOL
yě shēng tuō
释义：他们是朋友圈的野生广告人，只不过是不赚广告费的那种。他们每天都在推荐各种品质良莠不齐的食品、餐厅、服装、活动、旅游目的地，为朋友们的消费升级操碎了心，其活跃程度令人胆寒。这些人绝对是这个商业社会的脊梁。
A Spontaneous Key Opinion Leader is a spontaneous advertising agent in your social network. They are not the kind that charge fees for the advertisements. They just spontaneously recommend all kinds of food, restaurants, fashion items, activities and travel destinations of quality which varies unstably in a wide range, day by day. They go out of their way to help their friends accomplish their consumption upgrade. Their enthusiasm can scare the hell out of you. No doubt, they are the backbones of this commercial society.

#4. 略懂先生
luè dǒng xiān shēng
释义：他们似乎什么都懂一点，并且迫切地想让大家都知道他们懂一点。别人的谈话如果涉及到他们知道的名词，他们就会非常积极地插入对话并发表自己的观点，并且他们并不在乎别人是不是想知道他们说的这些东西。
A Mr. Know-A-Bit is someone who seems to know a bit about everything and so eagerly wants everybody to know that they know a bit about it. Every time they overhear someone pronouncing a noun which they know a bit, they'll actively step in the conversation and express their own opinions without caring about whether the others want to know what they're talking about or not.

#5. 随便女士
suí biàn nǚ shì
释义：她们的口头禅是“随便”、“都可以”，看起来好像把选择权都交给了你，但实际上你必须选到她们满意。
A ‘You Decide’ Lady is someone who always tells you ‘You decide.’ or ‘Anything can do.’ It seems like they give you the liberty to make choices for them. But in fact you have to make a choice that they find OK.

#6. 卧底富豪
wò dǐ fù háo
释义：这些人成功地混迹在贫困人口当中，有时候还跟着一起哭穷，对各种穷人的自嘲段子了如指掌。不过他们却常常在一些小物件不小心露富，说不定在杭州还有两套地铁房。这些人是隐形的人生赢家，他们就是以前上学时那种喊着“没复习好”却考了第一的人。
An Undercover Millionaire is a rich person who successfully blend in the poor and sometimes complain about how poor they are along with the real poor guys around them. But they often accidentally reveal their true financial status through some little items. You may even accidentally find that someone of them actually has two properties near subway stations in a city like Hangzhou. These are the invisible true winners. They used to be those kids in school who complained that they hadn't prepared well for the exam but turned out to be the No. 1 in the rank afterward.

#7. 口头胖子
kǒu tóu pàng zi
释义：他们时长在抱怨自己的食欲，同时还会强调自己是吃货，并且还经常说自己得减肥了。但他们其实并不胖，甚至还很瘦。
A Self-Claimed Fatty is someone who often complains about their own appetite and call themselves foodies. And they often announce that they really need to start losing some weight. But they are not actually fat. Some of them are even pretty skinny.

#8. 肌肉博士
jī ròu bó shì
释义：肌肉博士可能没有肌肉，也可能并不是博士，这只是一个统称。它指的是那种把自己的爱好精进到极致，以至于与自己外表的人设严重割裂的人。比如她可能是个人淡如菊、话不多的白领小姑娘，但其实在王者荣耀开了3个号，而且3个都上了王者，玩游戏前会先用微积分计算各个英雄的伤害能力再决定入手哪个英雄。当然，肌肉博士也的确可能是个有博士学位并练出了八块腹肌和人鱼线的单身男子。
A Muscular Doctor may not have much muscle and may not even have a doctoral degree. This is just an umbrella term which refers to those who reached an astonishingly high altitude in their hobbies and consequently have character settings that really look unlikely for their original identities. For example, it can be a little white-collar girl who seems totally not aggressive nor talky but secretly has 3 King-of-Glory accounts which are all in the highest rank. Before she plays a game, she'll use calculus to calculate the damage capacities of the heroes and then decide which one to choose. And of course, it can also be a single man who owns a doctoral degree and at the same time six-pack and Apollo's belt.

#9. 精老爷们
jīng lǎo yé mer
释义：这是一帮绝对的直男，他们也刻意维持着直男的形象和穿着，但他们的精致程度让绝大多数女人和Gay都汗颜，不光会花大把的精力在穿衣和护肤上，而且还严格管理着自己的身材。他们的服装虽然可能是基本款，但很有可能是花2小时选的；他们可能留着胡渣，但那胡渣是精修过的。另外，他们大多单身，因为身边的女人实在赶不上他们的标准。
A Pro Dude is a straight guy who intentionally maintains a straight-guy appearance and dress code but also maintains a highly sophisticated lifestyle which will make most women and gay guys ashamed of themselves. He not only puts on considerable efforts in personal fashion and skincare, but also manage his own body shape really strictly. That outfit he wears may be a set of basic items, but chances are high that he spent 2 hours selecting them. There are maybe stubble on his face, but actually the stubble are carefully trimmed to be like that. Moreover, they are usually single, because the women around them are totally incapable of reaching these standards.

我的天，现代人的定位可真不少。

上面说的这9种新新人类你见过几种？

来，到留言区说出你的故事吧。