Interview With A Vampire Squid - Ex-President of the USA, Mr. George Dubya Douche Jnr.
For the sake of anonymity as requested by today’s interviewee, we will refer to them with the alias of Ex-President of the USA, Mr. George Dubya Douche Jnr.
Welcome Mr Douche Jnr.
Howdy partner, yeeehaaahhhh!
Partner? I’m not your partner!
You could be my partner, once you get to know me a little better. I know that sounds a little gay, but it’s cool these days…it’s even growing on me. Those male prostitutes at Bohemian Grove are close buddies of mine. I Also really dug that movie Brokeback mountain, yeeeeeehaaaaaahhhhhh!
Why did you like that movie so much, Mr Douche?
The wondrous and climatic rocky peaks, gave me inspiration to start painting back at the ranch for my retirement. Drawing Yankee-Doodles is a lot of fun, yeeehaaahhh!
So how are you dealing with the recent death of your mother Barbara’s Bush, Mr Douche?
Not so well, yeehah…I did however manage to get a super cool headstone for her resting place.
What headstone would that be Mr. Douche?
Oh, you know. One with a picture of her real father, Aleister Crowley, yeeehaaahhh!
Was he also a douche?
Absolutely. We come from a long line of Douche Bags. Even our relative, the Queen of England comes from a long line of Douche Bags, yeeehaaahhh!
There are a lot of conspiracy theories out in the public domain, with regards to the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Centre. How do you respond to those conspiracy theories, that insinuate fingerprints of an inside job, Mr. Douche?
Oh, you silly fool. They are not conspiracy theories at all. Everyone knows how we did it. Let’s just say that my bro had some kick ass explosives fitted into every floor of the building, to make the whole thing look realz.
Also, everyone with half a brain is aware that Dick Chainme was the mastermind of the whole operation. After the whole ordeal was over with, he breathed a sigh of relief and told me that he was so nervous we would get caught, that his heart skipped a beat…get it? He doesn’t have a heart….LOLZ!
Anyway, If you’re interested in the real story, it’s in the 9/11 commission report. NOT…hahahaha.
No yeeeehaaahhh?
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Why did you decide to invade Afghanistan, Mr. Douche? Do you believe this was a proportionate response to the 9/11 attacks?
Well, our inside man Bin Laden convinced everyone he hated America. The perfect foil and set up for the entire operation. Those amazing caricatures of caves full of complex tunnels and mazes had everyone bamboozled (wink wink). I mean shit, if you saw that on the nightly news, you’d be convinced too.
At the State Department, we don’t believe in proportions, yeeehaaahhh!
Does this Also apply to the Iraq Invasion a couple of years later?
Saddam (our ally at the time), fell for the trap. We gave him chemical weapons to use in the war against Iran (axis of evil), for this exact reason. We then fabricated evidence that he used those same chemical weapons against his own people.
We then colluded with British Intelligence to put together a fake dossier, that also implicated him to the 9/11 attacks. The entire scenario played out brilliantly. Man, these Arab terrorists are so damn stupid, yeeeehaaahhh!
Just going back to the attack itself for a moment, Mr. Douche. There is strong evidence that Boeing already had the technology for remote controlled airplanes, at the time the attacks took place. Can you give us an indication as to whether this is true?
Shut up conspiracy theorist!!!
As always, have a great day and PEACE
Politics and comedy isn’t my world, as you know. Just stopping by to show support since you spent time writing it, and if we don’t support content writers on here (however good, bad, funny or not-funny) their content may be...well.. soon the comedy posts will turn into one-liner meme and giphy posts! 😉
Conspiracy theories is not my world either. :)
Shut up 🤐 ya darn conspiracy theorist!
Right back at ya....I knew you would like this one:)
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