A wise man by the name of something something Gandhi, yeah you don't know the proper way to spell his first and middle name either so shut up, once said "Nobody can hurt me without my permission". Well, Gandhi wasn't chased by a masked man when he said like I was. And I don't think a knife would really give a fuck about my permission before hurting me.

Maybe Gandhi shouldn't say much, maybe the quote is wiser than my brain could fathom, what I knew for sure was if that masked man got to me I'll have the ability to ask Gandhi about the quote myself. Why that man is chasing me is a very complicated story intertwined with the secrets of the old pharaohs, the hidden third river of Iraq, and that very bad movie starring Reese Witherspoon, and I know what you might be thinking: Which very bad movie starring Reese Witherspoon?. But for you to understand the complicated story of why I'm chased we must first go back in time after the encounters I mentioned in the first part.

Jump to 2 Minutes ago

I had just opened the door of the cabin where I was captured and walked out before the man with mask start running toward me with a knife. I started running away from him.

Jump to present

Now that understand the full story behind the chase, allow me to continue. The masked was chasing me like an old racist tweet to a celebrity, or pictures of Jimmy Kimmel doing black face to Jimmy Kimmel. I quickly had the obligated trip during a chase and fell down flat on my face, I turned around in fear as the man approached me, I froze. He slowly walked toward me, he was gasping for breath, he took off his mask and I couldn't believe what I saw

It was...

It was...

It was a man whom I've never seen before. He had a two-holed nose, and a mustache that was made out of hair. He approached me in slow steps and said while gasping for breath "Hey.... Do you..... Want to.... Buy this knife?" I stared in horror as four men wearing white showed up from behind and got hold of the man and put him in a straight jacket and took him away. I remembered Dr. Ahmed from before telling me about patients breaking out of the Baghdad insane asylum. So I asked one of the men in white just to make sure. He confirmed my suspicion and told me that this man had a business selling knives door to door and couldn't handle losing his business so he went crazy, apparently people found out that they can easily buy knives from the stores next door. I wish I could tell you that the man recovered later on and started a new business, but this is no light comedy tale, this is real life. He did however take revenge from the man who took his cigarette once by killing the man and his entire family, take the lesson you want from that, no to bullying, no to theft, or no to killing and dismembering people, whatever you want.

As I walked further into the forest I saw a kid crying while sitting with his back to a tree, he had a blonde hair like the one you'd find on a blonde person or black haired teenager going through a phase. I walked toward him and asking what's wrong. "I see dead people" He said.

It dawned on me that this kid was just another escapee from the asylum so I told him not to be afraid and told him to get up and that I would take him home. For some reason I felt that the entire reason I walked into the forest is to find this kid, he got up and we started walking together, I was tracing back my steps hoping to see the men in white again and that they'd take him. We didn't find the men in white in the place where I met them the first time but I started to trace their steps. We walked for good 15 minutes before we run across something horrific, all we saw was torn women genitalia everywhere. I didn't notice them at first, but the kid pointed them out and said "I see dead pee holes".

My attention and curiosity led to follow the trace of the women genitalia which led us to a small tower made out of bakeries buns, in a shocked manner the kid said"I see bread steeple". As we walked toward the steeple we noticed an eagle eating those those women genitalia harder than a porn star, the eagle seemed to have had and flew away after the kid said "I see fed eagle". "Okay, we need to find you something else to say" I replied. As we entered we noticed a big statue of a seagull made out of pipes, it was a lead seagull, fuck now I'm doing it! When we entered we noticed that inside of a steeple was a church, except there were only children sitting. I started looking around for a priest, because if there's one thing I learned in life it's wherever there are children without parents, there is a catholic priest.

To my surprise, I didn't find a priest. But I noticed disturbance pouring out from the kid's face, like a person feeling disturbed. I asked him what's wrong, "They used to torture us here" he said. I had my fears that this was happening. So I asked if he was touched inappropriately (Side note; I wrote inappropriately correctly from the first try). "No, no one did| The kid replied "What they did to us was way worse, they made us watch uninspired live-action Disney movies starring talking animals". "That... Doesn't as bad" I replied. "Not as bad!" The kid screamed "I had to watch all three parts of Beverly Hills Chihuahua". "Again" I replied "That doesn't sound as bad as pedophilia". "I watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva la Fiesta! for at least 20 times" Said the kid while breaking down in tears. He definitely had a point there.

As I was conciliating the kid, a bald man showed up from the back. "Good to have you back" the man said, at first I thought he was talking to the kid but turned out that he's talking to me. "Who are you?" I asked. "I'm John Cawley" he replied.

Me: Why are you talking to me like you know me?
John Cawley: We actually know each other pretty well.
Me: Is that why I don't remember you? Because we know each other well?
John Cawley: Well, whenever someone go through traumatic event they seem to block memories from their brain.
Me: Are you talking about denial?
John Cawley: No, denial is thinking the now you see me movie and it's sequel are good movies. What we're talking about is similar to people who believe that Adam Sandler is funny, coming to a conclusion that has no attachment to reality, blocking in the process any memories of anything after Punch, Drunk, Love, remembering funny bits that never existed.
Me: So you're saying that much like his movie "funny people" the concept has not attachment to reality?
John Cawley: Exactly, and avoiding obvious ones like the ridiculous 6, and 50 first dates where even his own co-star trying to forget about him.
Me: Wow, that guy is really taking a pounding in this conversation. Why are you telling me all of this?

"Because" The kid interfered "You are dead"

To Be Continued

I'd like to nominate @teamsteem to see if he has some funny stories to share, along with @joythewanderer to see if she has a comical Kyrgyzstan stories.