Weird Poop: Comedyopenmic 40

Moving to a new city is never easy, I got a distasteful taste of the taste of what it tastes to taste the stress of house hunting, trust me when I say it totally sucks.

The worst people on Earth are the assholes that cut off power supply right before the best part in a movie about to happen and the second worst are realtors(house agents around here). The past few weeks has been anything but easy for me, squatting in a hostel filled with testosterone filled soldiers has its positives that the negatives greatly outweigh. First of all, they're soldiers and are trained(and paid for that matter) to live in shitty conditions I can't survive in. First of all, the toilet is literally a hole in the ground, so not unless you intend to lose your life(not exaggerating), it is advised you suspend that booty like a tai chi master. I've had to manage how often I eat to cut down on shitting, so I'm technically hungry and full of shit most times.
Taking a shower, sleep/naps, jerking off and smoking weed has all been cut down to the barest minimum. The knock on effect of this has had me extremely cranky, unmotivated and extremely horny.
So back to the real issue, I'm sick of living here right now and the only way was to get my own place. The latter part of the previously poorly constructed sentence represents quite an adventure that took me 14 days, two heart breaks, muddy shoes, malaria, typhoid and a minor case of "shit in my stool" to solve.

I must appreciate the house agent that got me this place eventually, he worked tirelessly to achieve the feat and though the weasel tried to finesse a bit extra from me, I was so grateful, I didn't even slap the sleazy ass dope. He earned his commission and there's still smudges of blood in my poop.
Moral of the story is: shitting with soldiers will have blood coming out with your poop. The end....for now. I nominate @trumpman and @detlev to tell us about their last poop.