The I.R.S. Is Back! - Rewriting some Whodini lyrics - COM Round #33
Ready for a cover song? This should be fun! I don’t think anything can go wrong, really, other than the fact I just called it a song and you shouldn’t be able to hear me singing. First things first - I better get to work on that title! I’m not changing ‘The I.R.S. Is Back’ - That part has to stay! It’s a spin on “The Freaks Come Out At Night” by Whodini. Notice how The (1) I.R.S. (3) Is Back (2) has six (6) syllables? The (1) Freaks Come Out (3) At Night (2) has the same six (6). But that doesn’t help me with the title. Right now, I have the middle like this: ‘Original Cover Lyrics’ which, we all know is false, I already covered the singing part. Or I covered that I didn’t cover the singing part. Or I already covered not singing a cover, whichever is the easiest part. The ‘COM Round #33‘ has to stay - It’s part of the rules laid out by the cool people over at #comedyopenmic. And let’s be honest - Twisting cover songs isn’t anything #new. Throwing a bunch of #tags in the opening paragraph, however, this is my first time! How do you think I should title this #comedy piece if all I’m doing is rewriting some Whodini lyrics? Ah, yes! “Rewriting some Whodini lyrics.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen of Steemit, is how we got the title for this post - Thanks for all your help! Now let’s get to the #fun part. Eh, real quick, thanks for the nomination @sivehead and thanks for having me again @comedyopenmic / @com-judge - Ya’all really know how to make sure I’m the only person I can hear laughing at my jokes. To show my silent appreciation, I’ll split the payout of this post with you.
In case you didn’t click that Whodini link back there, this is your last chance. The original lyrics are right here but I’ll be doing the extended version like Free Bird in 1973. I know, I know, I’ve name-dropped Whodini enough now, ya, ya, ok, I get it! And if you don’t know who the I.R.S. is, or, this is your first time reading about them, you need to know something: I Envy You! DJ! Drop the instrumental!
:clap: :clap: :clap:
Put your hands together with me..
:clap: :clap:
Clap with me ya’all!
:clap: :clap:
Now help me out with this chorus!
You readdyyyy?!?
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
I’ve been goin toe to toe with these mofo’s since two zero zero six.
It started one night in my kitchen doin dishes just mindin my own business.
I cleaned up the place started opening mail I found an letter from the I.R.S.
I thought ‘who? I never talked to these guys before, hmm... 🤔 I wonder what this is?’
Opened up the letter and read a bunch of threats seemed serious I gave em a call.
She said: “We’ve been tryin to find you for awhile dandays - Now we got you by the balls!”
Whhaaaaat?!
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
She said when I worked in Texas way back I didn’t pay social security tax.
I said “Texas? Sorry, I’ve never worked in Texas, I think you’ve got the wrong guy ma’am.”
She admitted their mistake said the letter wasn’t mine but while she was in my ear.
“Prove all your write-offs! Your mileage! Your reported earnings! Any and all charities and donations for the last five years!!”
I said “what?! I don’t keep information that far back, what am I supposed to do???”
She got hostile with me “I don’t answer your questions tax payer I extort you!”
Oh Noo0Oooo!!
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
Enlisted an accountant started spreading out my branches collecting defense evidence.
Three years later they submitted! “Yes!” One for the little guy!! dandays beat those pricks.
I didn’t realize repercussions of a victory would put me in so much danger.
They shoved a magnifying glass so far up in my Aaaaannd here we are nine years later.
Hiding funds, fake addresses, cash pay and Debit cards are not in my name.
File married 99 taking everything that’s mine because two can play that game.
Fothamukkers! 🖕
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
Didn’t pay a cent ran a balance to six figs over the next 5 years.
‘Just ignore em!’ Figured by the time they realize it I’ll be long gone from here.
Then one day my phone rang, it was Jill, “dandays?” “Yes, Jill, is that you?” She said “we’ve had our eye on you.”
It didn’t sound good I could hear it in her voice, “here’s what we’ll do:”
House lien, land lien, car, boat and everything
is a start but won’t be enough.
All your refunds are ours, we’re deducting your checks plus an extra 500 a month!
Ooohh, what! For real?!
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
‘C’mon ya’all let me get a L!’ ”L!”
‘And what about an E?!’ “E!”
‘Can I get a V??’ “V!”
‘Now gimme a Y!’ “WHY?!?”
Most convenient gotta be 3k away in Honolulu boarding a plane.
Tried to check my bags got denied it seems I don’t have a dime to my name.
I hopped on my phone and wouldn’t you know my account reads zero point zero.
I called Jill, “Hello, Jill! Did you get my Christmas card? I’m in Hawaii, how am I supposed to get home?”
She said “swim or drown you haven’t paid a cent to my boss goin on five years.
You wanna get home?? I’m sure you do, or die on an island somewhere, we don’t care!”
She issued new installments returned my balance missed my flight but checked my bags.
Six hundred sixty bucks minimum pay a month and milked me for all I had!
AhhHHhhh.. So I filed Fixed/50!!
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
Gave em 660 for less than a year then they offered up a new deal.
100 bucks a month ‘and still file fixed?! No way, are these guys for real?!’
I hopped on that plan accountant said it’s bad said they’re setting me up to fail.
‘It was 660 yesterday today it’s a hundred,’ whatever - “Check’s in the mail!”
The tab rallied back and I started thinking man that accountant warned me of this.
The Feds set me up I was back under their thumb racked back up to six figs.
I’ll never pay it off man I was feeling lost and the balance can’t be ignored.
My new tax guy, “offer in compromise,” just hide everything I’m like Busta Bust: “Gimme some more!”
“Yo’where I gotta sign at?! “Gimme’S’mo!”
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
Six figures on the screen cleaned from history they agreed 13 hundred bucks.
I wrote a check said “overnight this thing, stat! I need it there tomorrow by lunch!”
Check cashed it’s a wrap, got me feeling free again I ain’t heard a word all year.
Then just the other day the mailman was like “hey dandays, it’s a certified letter from the Feds, I need you to sign right here.”
My heart sank no way they’re gonna renegotiate the deal they already made??
And whad’ya know it’s some interest from ‘08 that mysteriously missed the claim.
Another three hundred bucks supposedly is enough and they’ll leave me alone again.
:knock::knock::knock:
“Who is it?” “It’s me” the mailman said, “I’m back! Here, I’m going to need your signature in two places, once right here and then again right here, I’ll wait. Oh, and use this blue pen.”
Here we go Agaaaiin!
“The I.R.S. is baaaaaa...”
My 2 5 nominations are:
@sivehead. Safe to say you got nominated if I do something like this.
@amirtheawesome1. I’ve never seen you post an open mic - Nope! Not one time. Not daily, four times a day, nothing.
(In the event he doesn’t enter. Again. Or again.)
@doomsdaychassis. Show him there’s nothing to be afraid of - You got a meme for that? Priest Nigerian nightmare, I mean Holmes! I mean, Peace homes!
@surfyogi. #artzone sponsors comedy and I see you swing by when I do a comedy piece so.... “High! Nice to be seen again - You’re it!”
@sivehead. Really? You again, huh? 🤔 I have four nominations then, not five, I accidentally named you twice. Oh well - Have fun with two (2)!
Notice: The views and opinions expressed in this article are for the sake of comedy and entertainment purposes only and do not represent the views or opinions of the author. Quite the contrary, actually, I was just talking to the author and he told me to tell you he said it’s cool if I use this material and insert my username in random places but he wants you to know he’s a big fan of the I.R.S! Also, the whole extortion thing was just part of the joke, he said. Furthermore, he insisted I tell you his only concern with taxes is the dollar amount and they should take a hike! edit ‘They should be hiked’ is what he said. #inform. The End.
hahaha @dandays! I put this one on hold for a few hours until it was you, me, my new little Wolfie snoozin' beside me, and @briancourteau on the other side ... chillin' :) I LOVE how you managed to rap this shite out without one swear word too ... very clever :)
So is this true? For real? :) Love the disclaimer too!
First. I’m flattered ya’all set time aside to read something I put together. I don’t know if you meant to drop me an A+ compliment or not but you did.
It’s so much easier just to drop a few f bombs! We’ve already told each other about our rookie social media season. Since I’ve started this, I’ve yet to type a curse word. Thanks for noticing! It’s a challenge, for sure ha!! Now if I could just get my tongue to do the same thing.
Yes, the disclaimer is true! LOL
hahahaha the disclaimer is true!
Yes, I meant it as an A+compliment buddy :)
We all should put our best foot forward here, so I'm good without the curse words; now real life, that's a totally different story. Actually, sofa king different!! :)
(I’ll even throw a couple comment/edits to get your attention.) Hmm. 🤔 I doubt you’re ignoring me so you must’ve missed this response I left you on Asher’s page the other day. Busy girl, she is!
👌👍 great @dandays
Thanks for stopping by @napa, I’m really glad you like it!
You need to write the sequel, I need to know what's gonna happen next !
Hey, you made it by! Thanks dude, I was hoping you’d get a chance to check this out. I learned something rewriting these lyrics; I’ve had Freaks Come Out At Night stuck in my head every.single.day since. I need to remind myself not to do anymore weird al stuff!
Thanks for stopping by @edprivat!
edit:
Hey man, a bit of a bummer yesterday. That Syria drawing that I’ve been trying to get to video..
So I had a buddy of mine trying to work it but he just didn’t have the time. I finally got my SD cards back and had an appointment yesterday to bring them to video.
Well.. F man!! I ‘had’ the first 2 hours saved on the laptop (an old a** laptop!) and the last 4 on separate SD cards. So I wiped out the original 2 hours on SD card #1 so we could continue using the GoPro. I went to grab the first video yesterday before going to video dudes place and the laptop is dead! Gone, done, dead.
Man I’m so sorry I can’t hold up end of the deal, I assure you it’s beyond my control. That Syria drawing, in time lapse video, is a no-go.
I’m extremely disappointed dude
Lol don't be too disappointed, you don't know how many stuffs i started, and sometimes you can finish it, sometimes you can't.
What's more important is to always do something new and come up with new ideas!
Lol I appreciate the dedication but you don't really have to apologize, an artist doest whatever the F he wants!
Hi dandays,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
Thanks for having me, ya’all run a good joint here.
Fothamuckers lol... MTV Watchout :)
Ha!! Since I started this platform I haven’t dropped a curse wOrd. Haha. I’m not sure how I’ve remained consistent, my tongue is nothing like my typing! So I keep trying to fins convenient ways to curse without cursing.
Plus: Fothamukkers <- dude that just looks funny.
Thanks for stopping by @weirdheadaches.
Dear Artzonian, thanks for using the #ArtzOne hashtag. Your work is valuable to the @ArtzOne community. Quote of the week: Art, freedom and creativity will change society faster than politics. -Victor Pinchuk
Thanks for stopping by @artzone!
This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.
Well this is a pleasant surprise to wake up to. It’s always a pleasure seeing you @c-squared. Thanks for continuing a stellar curation service.
Thanks for stopping by @c-squared.
Another epic post Mr @dandays. When you started off with the Houdini thing, I did think you were trying to get out of it somehow. 😜
Oh, speaking of trying to get out of it... i think you mis spelled that @sivehead's name.
I'll see if i can get hold of him for you. I know he said that he's super busy lately and can't get on steemit as much as he'd like, but I'm sure he'll see what he can throw to gether as soon as he can.
Trying to get out of it somehow... that’s funny!
I just checked the spelling again, nah man I got it right. D.I.C.K.H.E... sorry, left thumbs strikes again!!
No worries man, from your text and your absences I get it, you’re a busy dude, don’t trip! Whenever you get a chance.
I’m glad you liked it @sivehead, you know how posting these thing is, it sucks!! It’s totally F’ing sucks. Dude I’ve never considered trying to make an audience laugh in person and could you imagine?! Saying a joke you thought was funny but the crowd is silent, ya that would Sive, I mean suck! Whats worse than that?? Not being able to hear or see the audience. Man it’s tough! I really don’t like releasing comedy pieces, makes me way too nervous.
Thanks for stopping by @dic..... lefty!!!! @sivehead!
Haha, I know you did man, but going to check it kept you out of mischief for a few seconds 🤣👍