How To Attract Whales! (Parody Comedy Open Mic #34)
A little bit after someone joins Steemit, he/she starts to learn how the whole platform works and soon enough dreams to get some upvotes from the Whales. You can pretty much that Whales are investors here in Steemit but let's just say that are people with upvotes that worth quite a bit!
Many of you or just a few, have received at least one upvote from a whale even if that was due to a curation trail, a certain community or just by pure luck. I bet you all remember that moment and wished for the history to be repeated not once but forever!
Fear not my children, I am here to share the secrets of how to easily and i repeat easily earn some upvotes from these guys!
Secret W
What Whales like the most and it's necessary in order to sustain their lives? The correct answer is food ladies and gentlemen and to be more exact they eat fish, shrimps,crabs etc etc! So the best thing to do is sent them some food, don't you worry about their health and diet?
Some people say the bigger the better and we are gonna take that into account, thus we gonna send them some food and not anything small like a fish or shrimp but something better a Walrus (killer Whales love it!)
So don't hesitate guys just go to your local store or sea, find a Walrus and ship it to the location the whale you want an upvote from lives. They gonna love it!
Secret H
In case the Secret W doesn't work we gonna approach this matter a bit differently. We gonna show them who is the boss, we will act aggressively and claim what isn't ours and what we don't deserve, their vote that worth some $$$.The Secret H has 4 different meanings and stages:
1) Hello: Go in every damn post they make and say Hello, go find them in discord and say Hello, go find them in every other social media they are and do the same, send them videos with just a Hello!
2) Hero: Then after a week add to all the above, how heroic their actions are, how much they help the platform and in general what great heroes are for both you and the community. That way they get a liking in you. Ignore the flags it's part of their plan, they play tough to get!
3) Harpoon: The next step and most crucial each to post each time you make a comment to their posts a photo of a harpoon before you finish your comment!
4) High-Pressure: This will lead to high pressure both consciously and unconsciously because as you know Whales are afraid of Harpoons! (Reminder Moby-Dick)
Secret AL
Secret AL is revolved around the alphabet. As you know to whatever it is that you are doing, you have to be organized. Now i know you may have a favorite whale but you have to understand that there is a slightly chance to not upvote any of your post.
This Secret is a bit more strategical than the other. Try to make an alphabetical list of all the whales and execute the above and below plans for every single one of them! That way you increase your chances of getting flagged succeed!
Secret ES
Always have an Escape plan! What this means you may wonder right? or What it has to do with the post, you only promised upvotes! As always in life the worst case scenario may come out of nowhere so what are you going to do if a whale decides to flag you or put you in a black list?
The answer is simple!
Just create from the start multiple accounts with completely different content, so what if you lose one, you will still have plenty to try again and learn from your past mistakes! You just lost a battle not the war!
A 100% TOTALLY FREE BONUS SECRET
i kept this for myself but as i say share the rare! The number one way with a 100% success rate is to become part of a Whale's real life!
Have you seen spy movies? You have to become his friend, his best friend, his wife,her husband, his driver, her cleaning lady, his lifeguard, her patient, his brother girlfriend, her grandpa caretaker, his vet, her boss! When you do so, slowly reveal that you are in Steemit, it's best though for him/her to say it first. That way you gonna earn some votes for sure!
Apparently i have to nominate 2 people, the first one will be @trumpman because i insist and the second one will be @acidyo who recently followed me along with other 200-300 people :P
Disclaimer: this content is just for entertainment purposes, for the love of god don't try it or at least don't blame me, just blame your fate!
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Hi filotasriza3,
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Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
If only it were that easy, then we would all be STEEMillionaires!! How I wish you could tag your post as true-story haha!
hahaha! hope dies last :P
suck whale's dick 😆
and hope for the best!
simple and effective! i should have add it :P
Your post is retarded and totally wrong. Here's is the right way:
εκανες βαρια ερευνα βλεπω για να βοηθήσεις κ εσυ fellow Steemians! :P
Works on dolphins too
Call me Ishmael... :)
have you tried flaggin whales to get their attention? I know @soundwavesphoton is quite experienced in the subject
@soundwavesphoton .. dood.. I'm not a whale.. don't waste the flags on me :D
Haha I'm a time traveler and I've seen the future pechichewhala.
Hi @filotasriza3!
Your post was upvoted by @steem-ua, new Steem dApp, using UserAuthority for algorithmic post curation!
Your UA account score is currently 4.327 which ranks you at #2392 across all Steem accounts.
Your rank has improved 3 places in the last three days (old rank 2395).
In our last Algorithmic Curation Round, consisting of 249 contributions, your post is ranked at #178.
Evaluation of your UA score:
Feel free to join our @steem-ua Discord server
this is cool, hilarious! :D
upvoted and resteemed
thanks! i suggest you make a intro post so that more people get to know you!
oh, well... may be you are right :)
but I'm afraid it is a bit late for that - perhaps should have done that in the beginning, when I've registered. now though I'm not so sure it is relevant anymore.
besides, I'm not kind of person who is inclined to talk about himself in public. it is kind of tricky...
but thanks for your advice nevertheless. I'll keep it in mind and think about it.
it's never too late, there are people that did their intro post 1 year after. It will just help with visibility and a little bit of engagement. Also it doesn't have to include to many personal info you can talk generic about things that you like. Things like country-age-photo of you holding a paper with your user name will give you "credibility" but it's up to you. I for example was lucky to came in here when just a few of us were so i never made a post with my face :P
thanks for explaining and encouragement! :)
I guess you're right, getting more visibility and engagement for the sake of credibility does make sake. I should really consider doing it.
although "photo with holding a paper..." sounds rather more like KYC thing. LOL
but I suppose talking about things we like - there is no harm in that nor much risk.
yes if you check the intro tag you see what i mean! when and if you make an intro post let me know!