Suicidal Thoughts From Quitting Smoking - Comedy Open Mic Round 13
Ever try to quit smoking? It's tough. But pharmaceutical companies didn't think it was tough enough, so now the medicine they put you on to help you quit smoking can make you kill yourself. Pretty ironic. Gee, and I just wanted to quit smoking.
These are free-floating thoughts that I made into a video. I hope you like it.
▶️ DTube
▶️ IPFS
I again nominate @tenhanger and @harpooninvestor to get in on the fun.
Big thanks to
Judges:
@idikuci
@take5
@dj123
@sisygoboom
@profanereviews
@groovatti
Curators:
@carlgnash
@punchline
@steemwizards
@nonameslefttouse
@trafalgar
@bitfiend
@diebitch
@acolucky
at least you have friends to leave stick figure notes too. i have no one. not even a clown friend. just me and my twitching fingers and my box of Chantix.
shit thing is i dont smoke... but the flyer said **** participants recieve up to 10 minutes of counseling at every visit.
i was just so lonely i wanted the 10 minutes spent with another human so i joined the study.
maybe if you are suicidal too we could talk. we could be suicide BFF's
I would love to be suicidal BFF's. It'd probably be a short friendship, though.
If I was judging this round, you'd be my jester - this is brilliant! Keep this kinda stuff coming :)
Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm trying different forms to see what hits.
Same, I've tried a couple of different comedic styles since starting at COM, trying to hit the sweet spot. I've found standup style stuff goes down well, but I've kept my entries mostly to text.
Smoking causes your pouch to dry.
Lol
That's my story every time I try to quit smoking ..., medicines, advice from friends, and nothing turns out ... only suicide is left hahaha
I may win the award for the dumbest reason anyone started smoking. I was trying to quit drinking and began bumming smokes out at the bars to give myself a little something better than stone cold sobriety. By the end of the summer I was smoking like a chimney and still drinking like a fish.
Right. Our wreck-headed culture shuns and shames cigarettes more than prescription drugs and suicide.
I say: have a smoke, chill out, put the gun back in the cupboard, then quit again. Then give those pharmaceuticals to me. I love 'em.
We have to be very careful with all these drugs. Two years ago, a friend of mine killed himself while trying to wean himself off Zoloft. Sure, there was a history of depression--that's why he was on the Zoloft--but never anything that extreme. Everyone should stop taking everything and just smoke mango cannabis oil. It makes all your troubles melt away.
This discussion inspired me to post a song a wrote many years ago about this topic.
https://steemit.com/openmic/@johnthefelon/steemit-open-mic-week-85-don-t-mess-with-your-vices
After I finished watching, this is what was on my phone.
Holy shit, Luke from MI-Gardener, don't do it. They're just mulching mistakes. They can be fixed.
Really though, I quit in 2000 and they gave me Zyban. It was fucking awful. I got insomnia and had delusions that my family wanted me dead. I had to quit after a couple of weeks, but never had another craving for a smoke.
I had a good laugh at this bit. The timing and dry wit is my favourite.
Glad you liked it. It took me 9 tries before I finally quit, and I had to break down and quit drinking with it. That was the only way. The two were so tightly coupled in my psyche. Drinking was a piece of cake, but I could still go for a ciggie, a cigar, or a dip, or some chew. Sometimes I eye the Nicorette patches with shameful desire as I walk through Walgreens.
I had a friend that chewed the gum after a guy at work left a 45 pack of it in the break room. He started smoking after they were all gone, because it was cheaper than the gum.
And cigarettes aren't cheap.
Sorry we missed this, good stuff.
Also got a great laugh from the comment "They're just mulching mistakes".
Mulch much, man?