Hello Steemit!

Well , for last round I was nominated to do an entry by @groovatti but didn't make it on time while also doing a round as a guest judge , so I thought to give it a try this time around.

I always find it hard to think about what to submit to COM , I am a terrible joke teller and have no natural ability to create comedy posts . BUT I do have one talent : Get into awkward and unlikely situations! So I though that by embarrassing myself a ''little'' I could bring a laugh to some readers.. The following is a True Story!

- Airport disasters - The Customs Incident

So , as I just said, I have a special ability to get into awkward situations and somehow airports seem to be a favorite place of mine to do so.. I don't think I can recall a normal flight anymore.. I've had them all : Arriving at a wrong country, Being in a natural disaster, traveling on the bathroom for a complete flight because of turbulence, sleeping at ''connection flight'' airports because of plane malfunction , each one of them could be a separate story post.. I don't know why I am not traumatized at this point .. I guess I just don't care anymore...

So , back to this story:

This was maybe around 2012 - 2014 ... can't remember exactly but anyways.. I was visiting my brother @meno and Jose Antonio over at Miami as they have been living there for many years now , I'm the ''odd one out'' in that sense as I keep moving souther and souther. I stayed there for a couple weeks and just had some family time which is not relevant to this story.. The incident happened on my flight back to Ecuador at that time.

Just to put you in context, we latinos have an annoying habit of sending or asking for weird and useless crap when someone travels , like .. ''oh you are going to ____ , my cousin Pepito lives over there , could you please send this ____ on my behalf?'' .. I know everyone does it BUT we go WAY OVERBOARD with it , if you just go Ok sure you'll end up traveling with frozen shrimp , bananas , lamps, clothing for ___'s newborn baby , medicine.. etc.. think of the most annoying things to travel with and multiply them by four.

So ... I like to travel light , 1 medium sized luggage , a carry on bag and an instrument and that's it .. so I am an easy prey for ''present deliveries''. In this particular case it was my big brother's mother-in-law Maria ( real name.. not using it for stereotypical naming... My real name is Jose... same as my big brother... same as my dad... so.. yes... we are very stereotypical in that sense! Joses and Marias all over! ) who told me ... just a moment before going to the airport if I could take a bag for her... she had let me stay at her place for about two weeks so it was very hard for me to say "no"... So I just spit out a "yeah....sure". I grab the bag which was heavy as hell , put it in the car's trunk and went to the airport . ''Don't worry , they are just some presents for some relatives!'' she said.

So , I arrive at the airport , check my passport , do check-in , check my luggage .. all good... I go through security.. get the stamps on my documents.. all is going smoothly.. and then... I get called by that eerie voice through the airport speakers..

''Passenger Jose Mena , can you please head over XX for luggage checking and verification?''

''Oh crap.. WTF is in that bag?!'' I spit out as I headed into the counter and a big customs security officer asked me for my documents, he took my passport away and made me go to a special security area... and there it was.. the evil bag... I was shitting my pants ... really bad. It was impossible that I was smuggling drugs or something as my family is incapable of that so I knew I was not going to get into BAD trouble but I was sure in trouble and I had no idea of what was inside the bag except for ''some presents for relatives'' .. So I just went along and put my best poker face.. completely unfazed and it's all cool attitude.

• Officer: "Hello sir , is this your bag?"

• Me: ''Yes , of course.. is there a problem?''

• Officer: " Our security machines have detected some suspicious objects on your bag.. can you confirm this is yours?''

• Me: " Yes it is...''

• Officer: " STAY AWAY FROM THE BAG!'' ( I tried to get closer... this guy was veeery tense )

• Me: '' No problem.. sorry'' ( I shitted myself a little )

• Officer: '' What are the contents in the bag?"

• Me: ''Just my personal belongings... and a couple presents for relatives...''

• Officer: '' Are these your belongings? May I remind you this conversation is being recorded and lying to an officer can be a serious mistake and considered a crime?''

(now I was scared... )

• Me: ''I am aware........these are indeed.... my personal belongings.....''

• Officer: " We will confirm the contents in the bag ok? Stay there...''

• Me: ''Sure.. go ahead.. I'll be standing here''

Then he proceeded to open my bag.. and first thing he pulls out is a sexy red dress... He holds it high and stretches it and gives me a look... while I am standing there... holding my poker face like a champ...

• Officer: "..............'' ( while looking at me and the dress... maybe imagining if it was my size )
• Me: "..............."

He then kept pulling out things out of the bag .. Waxing creams , Leg Shaving machines, underwear, bras, Women's body lotion , perfumes, Vagisil... and at the end of the line... a little enema pump.

I could see the officer's grossed out face as he put all these things in the counter and looked at me back an forth while I was thinking ''what the hell do I say?'' ... It was one of those moments where I just said the first thing that came to my mind.

• Me: "Do not judge me.... it is what it is....''

• Officer: "................................................................................ok''

He just stood away from the bag and pointed at me to grab ''my personal belongings'' .. so I went there and put the bag back together.. the dress , the underwear, the creams.. and the little enema pump..

• Officer: ''........here are your documents , have a good day.....................sir''.

( I have his expression engraved in my mind.. I think he believes I am now called Maria... and have some weird fetish with enemas)

I grabbed all my stuff and headed back to the flight...

I hope I never see that guy again in my life...

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I nominate @yidneth and @paintingangels