Comedy Open Mic Round 33 : OVER THE SILVER SKY TO THE WORLD OF NEVER : Part 44 - Enter Through The Exit

Dearest darling lovely millennial's please believe me when I state I don't begrudge you your youth. I don't begrudge you any of your "advantages?". Anything that is wrong with you I blame on your parents generation (That's me)). What I do begrudge you is your coffee. You will never be forced to drink the shit I had to. You will never have to taste the rancid black cat piss I had to drink during my youth. "Oh this is a really interesting flavor. Is it your own special blend or did something recently die?" The vendor would laugh at my witticism and I'd punch them really hard in their coffee hole. Back in the Good Old Day's you had to trap an Italian if you wanted something that didn't make your taste buds suicidal. Unless you could handle waste car oil that had been freshly brewed six hours ago. You don't know how lucky you are to have dodged that bullet. It scarred me I can tell you.

(The copyright for this image is the property of Medium.)

Jake continued his potential circumnavigation of the Bristol dome. He'd been walking for over an hour now. Still no sign of anything resembling a door. Doubts and uncertainties had invaded his head. He'd followed a set of paths to get to the city. Maybe he should have remained exactly where he was then waited patiently for shit to happen. Perhaps the entrance to the place wasn't open at night. On the up side he'd learned the valuable lesson that plans needed a lot more planning than he'd originally assumed. Right now he was committed to walking. Turning back was not on the agenda. It would be akin to admitting defeat. Yes he was still considering whether to take the chance and run at this barrier. It was becoming more and more inviting every second. Purely as an experiment one knew wouldn't succeed yet would remove that possibility permanently from his mind. It didn't help his journey that the vegetation around the place was wild. That's what had first hinted to him that he should have remained on that footpath the locals used to get here.

Climbing through some dense shrubs his nose caught a faint odor. Strange yet familiar. It took him a few seconds to pin it down. It was actual tobacco rather than whatever it was Lady Margaret smoked. He lost it for a bit before it came back even stronger. He scanned the area to find its source. To no avail. Not surprising given all the vegetative obstacles in his way. In some places he'd have to be right on top of someone to see them. No trees though. Nothing he could climb to get a better view. The terrain undulated, but nothing over few feet. As if only to prove his logic wrong he discovered a quite steep slope that would raise him above his own height for the first time. As he crested that Jake got a much clearer view and another waft of pipe smoke. That was his guess. Someone was smoking a pipe. Maybe the entire city was a no smoking zone. It was equally feasible that whoever was doing the smoking did so inside in some sort of booth that vented externally. Damn his mind was wandering as it always had a tendency to do when he was working by guessing.

"Hello there."
The voice stopped him in his tracks. Jake looked around before spotting the man sheltering in a patch of big bushes. From what there was no way of telling. The soft light from the dome itself, cast indistinct shadows making observation more difficult.
"I'm kind of lost. I'd be extremely grateful if you could help me find the entrance to this city."
The man took a long puff before exhaling the blue grey smoke.
"That's what I thought." He replied.
As Jake drew closer and the man became more distinct he initially didn't notice. Then, as he reached him, Jake realized the man was old.
"I take it you're not from the city."
"Oh I am indeed a citizen of this mighty metropolis. One of the very few who steps outside it."
"Sorry." Jake wasn't sure why he apologized. Force of habit seemed most likely. "I was told there were no old... no older looking people in there. Everyone is always at their physical peak."
"For the most part that's completely true. I have lived here for well over 300 years."
Jake smiled.
"I'd have said you weren't a day over fifty." The man chuckled at that. "I expect you'll have seen a lot of changes."
The smile disappeared. His response was much less friendly than he'd been so far.
"No. There have been no changes Jake. Nothing has changed here for a very long time. That is why I have chosen to grow old and die."
He almost didn't catch that. Jake had been distracted by something else. The man was wearing white robes. Which was nothing he could find fault with. It was the complete lack of a shadow that was mildly disturbing.
"Oh God. You're not really here are you. You're a hologram or some other projection."
That put the smile back on the mans face.
"I can assure you this is me and not an arrangement of photons."
That didn't reassure Jake in the least.
"You are some kind of avatar though aren't you? You'll be all enigmatic and speak in riddles or allegories. You're Obi wan Kenobi or Gandalf. Deliberately placed in my path to provide some obscure insight that will only become apparent much later. You'll deliver some hidden wisdom or veiled instructions I'll need to complete my quest."
"That's an interesting theory. Incorrect, but nevertheless interesting. What made you think of it?"
"You know my name for a start. Then your robes are pretty conspicuous as is the fact you don't cast a shadow."
"The lack of a shadow is down to the path I have chosen. I wish to grow old and die. This is something that is permitted in our society. What is not permitted is that others should see me in this state. In there I am all but invisible to all except for those who have chosen as I did. As for me knowing your name, that's down to a friend of yours."
"You know Doxy?"
"No."
"Of course. That's not her real name. She won't tell me her real name. It's a nickname I gave her. She's the Captain of the Scarlet Harlot."
The man shrugged.
"Don't think I've ever heard of either. It was your friend Angelique who told me your name and where I would meet you."
Jake's heart rose at the mention of that name.
"When was she here and do you know where she is now."
"She was here 58 years ago so I don't know where she is now.That was the first and last time. I do know that you're late. I expected you ages ago. I'd have left but Angelique told me to wait if you weren't here."
Fifty eight years? How much planning and preparation had gone into this?
"I take it you're here to show me the entrance then."
"Not precisely. My name's Honda Kawasaki if you're at all interested."
"Honda? Kawasaki? Are you shitting me?"
Honda smiled.
"I've never heard that saying before. Does it mean the same as "selling a shit sausage" by any chance?"
"I suppose it does. Don't suppose you know anyone called Yamaha or Suzuki do you?"
"Indeed I do but her name is Suzuki Yamaha."
"Oh Christ. This is becoming even more surreal. Let's stick a pin in that for now. I'm most interested in finding the entrance. If you'd be so kind."
Having finished his pipe Honda tapped it out before placing it inside his robe.
"That's not permitted."
"Oh Christ, I knew I'd called it. All this mythical mystical bullshit. Now you're going to tell me some frigging incomprehensible riddle I'm supposed to puzzle out eventually. Usually in the nick of time to save the day or my ass. That will teach me some valuable life lesson which instantly changes my entire personality. Making me a much better human being."
"Actually I'm not allowed to tell you. Nobody from outside the cities is allowed to know. I can't tell you how to get in. Not directly. My neural net won't allow me to. Even if I managed to bypass that restriction, as soon as I told you, alarms would sound and a whole host of drones would descend on us. My wish is to die of old age not massive trauma. I tried it a couple of times and it isn't nice."
"You've died?"
"Oh yes, at least half a dozen times. I was dead for over ten years once. My choice. I thought things might have changed while I was dead. They didn't. My next death I want to be permanent. And in another hundred years or so it will be."
"Unless things change?"
"Correct. I'm told that's part of the reason you're here. At least that's how your friend Angelique sold this to me. That reminds me... she gave me some other pearls of wisdom to impart." Honda began searching for something. "Oh here it is." He pulled out a credit card sized tablet. "Apparently I have to let you know that, when you are inside the Network, novelty is extremely valuable. I would have to agree with that one. When you live as long as we do, you experience everything at least once. After a few hundred years you've done everything there is to be done and seen everything you want to see numerous times. While life never becomes boring it does feel very repetitive." Honda squinted at the small gizmo. "I'm sorry Jake I seem to have made a mistake in insisting on nearsightedness in my death plan. This text is really tiny."
"If it's got the directions of how to get in let me take a look."
"I don't think so but do take it. I think it's yours anyway."
Jake took the gadget from Honda. Interesting. It looked like a miniature firewave inductor. He quickly brought it out. As soon as the two separate pieces were near one another a slot opened in his firewave. It accepted the card with a pleasant bleep and a few flashes. The screen showed it was updating.
"Thank you for that. So how exactly are you going to show me how to get in? Given you cannot tell me anything."
The man winked at him then ostentatiously rubbed his jaw with his right hand. The sleeve of his robe slipping down to reveal a watch like object on his wrist. It had the same pale blue glow as the city dome.
"I've thought about this long and hard indeed Jake Halliday. Have you heard the legend of the room without doors?"
"No. I'm pretty sure there was a Doctor Who story with a title like that. That was set in Japan though."
"Fascinating. I'd love to hear about this Doctor Who at some point perhaps listen to one of their stories. However the room I'm speaking of had no doors or windows either. There was a wizard imprisoned in it by a sorceress."
"Right. So how did this wizard get out?"
"He didn't. According to the legend he's still in there."
"Well what good does that do me?"
"None whatsoever. I'm merely making this last as long as possible. Being invisible I don't meet many people and those I do meet are near constant companions. Anyway the thing is with any of these barriers. They cannot be opened from the outside. They never have entrances. They only have exits. The way in is the way out."
"I've generally found that to be the case. Now if I'm following you correctly, which is a long shot, you must have created an exit to come out here for a smoke. All I have to do is follow you back inside. Which I could have done without all this fucking about."
"That wouldn't work. For a reason I cannot tell you." He pointed at his wrist. "Besides as soon as the device automatically activates I will become invisible again. There's a stealth field all around the city. That's why you can't see in but you can see out. Very few take advantage of that. Oh my goodness look over there."
Honda looked horrified waving his hand s at something behind Jake. He spun round to check. Nothing there.
"What the hell are you on about?" On turning back Honda Kawasaki was gone. "What the fuck is going on now?"
Jake took a couple of steps towards that blue wall where the wrist device hit him squarely in the chest. He picked it up, put it on then walked directly towards where he'd seen it emerge from the city. Right. This was way too good to be true. It must be harder than this. The security systems here were inadequate obviously. Although you did need some inside information he supposed. By he could feel the nerves now. Nervous excitement. Maybe he'd find Honda waiting inside for him. That wouldn't be part of the narrative though would it. Still if Angelique had made these preparations all those years ago it did look as if he was on the right track.

I would like to nominate @notb4mycoffee and @galenkp for the next round.